Monday, February 21, 2011

Death comes unexpectedly...

I remember as a child watching the movie Pollyanna. In the movie, there is a fire and brimstone preacher. One of his sermons in the movie was about how death comes unexpectedly. Thankfully, I never really felt the grasp of those words as I didn't experience much death as a child. But as I've gotten older, I've lost a few people in my life. I remember in my early teens, I lost a friend to suicide and that crushed my heart. Someone my own age was no longer with me and I couldn't understand it. In my early twenties, I lost a classmate that no one knew she was suffering with cancer all through high school. I've since lost my grandfather, Papaw, and that was very difficult to watch him deteriorate over a couple of years and Daddy Brown has lost his grandmother, Granny Brown recently as well.

Despite feeling the affects of death, it still doesn't prepare you when someone else you know dies unexpectedly. Someone that is close to your parents age and a dear friend of the family. Someone who is considered one of my dad's best friends. Someone that has been dotted in my life's fingerprint and who is gentle and kind. Someone that will be missed not just today, but everyday of our lives. Death does indeed come unexpectedly. It makes me wonder as a soul here on earth on borrowed time, what does this day have in store for me and my loved ones? As I stress about this and that, have I truly made the right choices for me and my boys and my family. Have I told everyone I know that I love them and do they feel it if I haven't had a chance in recent days?

Am I completing my path and plan the Lord has set for me? Am I doing what I'm called to do? Am I truly living each and every day like there is no tomorrow, or even as there might not be this afternoon? I think everyone, including myself, expects to live until our late 80's, 90's and maybe 100. I expect that I will see my boys graduate high school and college. I expect to see my boys get married and have children. I expect to see my Golden Anniversary with Daddy Brown. I expect a lot of things, but in honesty, I can't "expect" anything. Of all the promises the Lord has made to me, he has not promised me tomorrow. And to be even more honest, that hurts my heart and soul that I may miss some of those important milestones in the future.

All this to say, make sure when you put your head on your pillow tonight that there isn't some unrest or unsettled issues with loved ones. Make sure you haven't hurt someone's feeling with intention to do so. Make sure you have righted all the wrongs you are aware of. You never know when the last time you will see your loved ones, so make sure you have told them how you feel and most importantly, I love you. So, I could ramble on, but I'll conclude with this...Death can be unexpected, and can give the people left to live, a heartache and a severe amount of pain. But you can be saved and move on to live with our creator by simply asking him into your heart. Don't let this day end if you are not certain of your salvation. That is the only wonderful thing about death, is that you have an eternal life with our Heavenly Father. If you have a moment, will you please say a prayer for our family and the family of our friend that passed away this weekend?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Good Ole Fashion Fun...

What a week it has been. We made it to both days of Mother's Day Out this week. No inclement weather or missed morning alarm. We had to take Little Brownie to the pediatrician this week as well for yet another Brownie ear infection. Booo! It helps that Little Brownie is communicating a lot more lately. He can now tell me, "It ear, it hurts". Which helps tremendously as his words are becoming more clear and he is so excited that we can have a conversation. He is very concise with his decisions and makes quick decisions. "Yes", "No", "I don't want to", "I can do it", "Don't help me", "HELP ME", "Because..." are just a handful of the quick and direct answers you will get when asking Little Brownie anything throughout the day. He also makes quick food choices as well. "I want oatmeal", "I want sausage", "I want more gummies", "I want orange juice" are heard on a daily basis. And both Brownies are strong enough to open the refrigerator door now.

Yesterday before leaving to run errands and after we had breakfast, I took a really quick shower. Upon exiting the bathroom, Little Brownie was in my bed with ham and turkey eating. I asked him, "Where did you get that?" He responded, "I went downstairs, I opened the 'frig-derator' and got the meat". I said, "Aren't you supposed to ask permission before getting in the fridge?" He said, "Oh, I sorry Mommy. I didn't mean to. Please forgive me. And, may I have some meat?" Who can say no to that? He apologized, asked for forgiveness and then followed my direction. The original act was not in the right order, but he is only 2.

He is only 2. That amazes me, because honestly, the boys are so close in age I see them and expect more from them than just your average 2 and 3 year old. I find my self using big words for toddlers like, "initiative", "participation", "respectful" and "exemplary" just to name a few. I expect them to act like big boys and not babies. When I see an action in good favor, I try to describe it in adult terms and I'm not sure that is always a good thing. I do however, love to baby them as well, and I'm not sure that is a good thing either. Oh well, walking through the life as a parent, you are always second guessing yourself I guess.

So, this week has been a world wind of a week. Despite an ear infection and a couple of trips to replace a broken Jedi toy, I did some side work and one of my "clients" is my mom. She has a non-profit organization and I have worked for her for over 10 years. It doesn't require a ton of work, but a couple of days out of the month are dedicated to her. This was the week. The boys loved going to Tutu Nani's house and play, play, played as she and I worked. It's the ideal situation for me. To be able to work and provide some extra funds to the monthly household income AND have a place for my boys to play and nap and also provide little breaks of enjoying them as well.

Wednesday night, we were moving, work-wise, at a pretty strong clip. Before I knew it, the time was 11:30p and I was about 30 minutes from being done. Mom gave the boys a shower and we ended up spending the night. This was an adventure all by itself. The three of us, sleeping in one queen size bed. It was awesome. Despite Big Brownie sliding off the bed once in the middle of the night, Little Brownie did great...once he actually fell asleep. I loved laying between them, with my arms stretched out and both of them resting peacefully. It made me cry and it made me smile and it made me feel so grateful for the blessings. It was only the 2nd time that I've stayed at my parents house since I moved out to my own apartment when I was 20 years old. Laying there in my old house, in the middle of the night brought back a lot of wonderful memories for me.

Thursday afternoon we came home and enjoyed being back home with Daddy Brown. Yesterday, we picked up a few items at Target to donate to our local pregnancy center. I want to teach the boys to be good servants of our community. Doing some charitable things this Spring and Summer are on my agenda. As we were leaving and I was closing the hatch of my car, I realized my tag was OUT OF DATE! I never let that happen and I can only chalk it up to mommy-hood. I threw the boys in the car and drove 5 miles under the speed limit and bee-lined it to the county clerks office. I had no fewer than 3 police cars behind me on the journey across town, and Lord have mercy, I prayed they didn't look at my tag. I used my blinker, I stopped at all stop signs and I yielded to all yellow stop lights. I didn't want to give anyone a reason to stop me. We ran into the county clerks office and became legal again. Oh, thank you Jesus!

As we walked out, we noticed the hot dog vendor on the square. It was lunch time and we decided to eat on the square. 3 hot dogs, 3 bags of chips and 2 waters with 1 sprite. The gentleman running the hot dog stand was so kind to the boys. We sat on the green park bench just outside the county clerks office and enjoyed ourselves. Many people walking by spoke to the boys and they were excited to respond with, "Good Afternoon" or "Happy Friday". It was a blessing to see them all grown up with feet dangling off the side. We decided it was too late in the day to go home for naps, so what else could we do for the 1 hour we had before a play date/bible study at a friends house? PLAYGROUND! That's right, and there was no one there as school hadn't yet let out. We ran from this slide, to that swing and across those monkey bars. Big Brownie was up for most of the more challenging obstacles and I bravely spotted. They were giggling and laughing. "Watch me" and "Look at me Mommy" was yelled every 5-10 seconds. It was so much fun.

We ended our afternoon at our neighbors house for more fun with our friends, while us Mommy's enjoyed some adult conversation and bible study. It has been a great week. Even in the midst of Little Brownie's trip to the doctor, we still managed to have some fun. He is doing better and certainly getting out of the house for some good ole' fashion play, helped make him feel better as well.