Laugh or Cry?

So...I must get back to blogging. Why you ask? Because if I don't by the end of most days, I have a choice. Do I laugh about my day or do I cry? I choose laughter most days, but here recently, the tears have come so easily. To share with you the funnies, helps me remember them on days like today that I could ball up into the fetal position and find pity all around.

I woke this morning with what appeared to be an ample amount of sleep in my tank. We started our day enjoying a Disney feature called "Spookley". I decided I'd throw a couple of ingredients together to see if I could make a less complicated version of Spiced Pumpkin pancakes. It worked. I got out my Halloween pancake molds and the boys chose a pumpkin and a bat as their pancake shape of choice. As we are eating our holiday breakfast, Andy, the now 60 pound boxer, is seating patiently at their feet. I turned my back to grab everyone a drink and I hear, "Andy likes pancakes too!" As I turned around to see what was happening, Little Brownie was giving Andy a bite...from his fork. I just kinda stood for a second processing the kindness Little Brownie was giving to his dog, but also in utter disgust as I watched Little Brownie lick the fork after Andy was done. Andy got to go outside for the remainder for breakfast.

Once we concluded our meal, Andy does get to have the left overs. I welcomed him back into the house and gave him his expectant plate. The boys and I went upstairs to change clothes, but another moment of forgetfulness allowed me to leave the kitchen without checking for any objects that Andy might swipe from the counter tops. Upon my return to the downstairs, Andy was not waiting for me at the bottom of the steps in his usual spot. I panicked and ran into the living room. 1 whole stick of softened butter was being eating and licked into the carpet. YUCK!

Our day continued with some playroom organizing and cleanup. It was actually Big Brownies idea. We sat in the floor and the boys were my runners to different areas of the room. Boxes organized as "Trains", "Cars", "Animals and People", "Blocks"...you get the idea. This is a great way for me to see what they still have attachments to as far as their toys and what they have grown out of to be gifted or packed away. We played and enjoyed the morning with each other until we found a treasure. A semi-truck that holds match-box cars...hasn't been played with in over 6 months I'm sure, was the focus of EVERYBODY's attention. Big Brownie explained to Little Brownie that this was for big boys and he was not 3 so he couldn't play with it. Little Brownie has a meltdown and so it began.

After some counseling and love from each brother to one another, it was lunchtime. We had grilled cheese sandwiches in the shape of...what else...pumpkins and owls with a side of chips and banana. As we finished lunch and headed to nap time, Big Brownie decides he wants to watch a movie while I put Little Brownie down in his room. I declined the request, but explained he could lay in my bed and watch Nick Jr. until I returned. He agreed. I get Little Brownie asleep and in his bed and began singing to Big Brownie. Off to sleep he went and I had a moment of Ahhhhh. It felt good to have the house quiet. Time for me to get a shower and maybe a cup of tea.

Well, 12 minutes people. 12 minutes and I hear Big Brownie's feet hit the floor. In hopes that he was just getting up to tinkle I stood quiet and followed his footsteps above me as he went to the bathroom. A few seconds later, his footsteps approached the doorway as opposed to the bed. I attempted to put him back in bed but to no avail. It just wasn't happened. To keep what little sanity I had left, I let him watch a DVD while I showered and we came downstairs for some much needed cuddling. Little Brownie didn't sleep more than an hour and he was up calling my name.

Downstairs we all come to begin the afternoon push until Daddy Brown gets home. Pumpkin Soup in Pumpkin Bread bowls with a side of pork tenderloin and green beans is on the entree menu tonight. Dessert includes candy corn shaped sugar cookies dipped in chocolate to be enjoyed with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Big aspiration I have for a Mama with a preschooler and a toddler on my hands. I'd like to say my afternoon has been successful, however, I found myself giving out turkey sandwich halves and chips for a snack as my "Pumpkin Bread Bowls" are proofing on my desktop in the sunlight. Little Brownie has been on edge since he woke up and I find myself getting a whiff of a stinky diaper as he runs past me. Big Brownie decided he wants to play with some play dough. I was agreeable until I found him in the corner with a pair of scissors cutting his plastic pumpkin to pieces.

It is my hopes as Daddy Brown appears any minute in my view that my insanity level with come down a few notches. Having the knight in shining armor arrive to save the day and give me aid is sometimes the highlight of my day. The goals for the night...pumpkin soup in white glass bowls with a side of "I haven't figured it out yet", bathtime, evening playtime, maybe a movie with popcorn and finally bedtime. Hopefully one that ends with laughter and not tears.

Oh the days of yester-year...

I got a real giggle today. I met with an old friend at lunch. He has asked me to do some accounting work for him, so technically this was a business meeting. As I got out of the "family truckster", I was holding Little Brownies hand and walking to the restaurant. I was rocking my mommy jeans, clearance t-shirt and flip flops. On my arm, I was carrying our "Day out with Thomas" bag that holds everything from diapers and wipes, trains, cars, to my notepad, "SOP's" and binder full of my friend's information...and I smiled. Just 4 short years ago, that Mama Brown from yester-year would have been sporting a suit, high heel shoes and a leather bound portfolio of information. There would have been makeup on my face and my hair would have been fixed in a bun or french twist and sprayed to perfection.

What a difference a few years will make when priorities have shifted. The Mama Brown of today is still just as smart as I was before, although most days I question that previous statement. But today, my thoughts are always of my boys. When making the appointment and choosing a restaurant...it had to be kid friendly. I needed crayons and coloring pages provided, a booster seat was a must and a kids menu with our favorite grilled chicken and beans to order. An atmosphere that was conducive to my goals of discussing his needs and going through his priorities, while keeping Little Brownie occupied and entertained.

It was a success. Thankfully, my friend knew me back in the day. He has confidence and understanding to my situation of being a stay-at-home Mama, but still trusts that I can help him meet his needs and goals in the process. As we were leaving our successful business lunch, a stop in the gift shop to play with toys and sitting in rocking chairs while playing checkers were all objectives that we achieved. Could life be any better to be able to have my cake and eat it too? I am extremely thankful for every blessing that the Good Lord has afforded us. And I'm continually grateful of the many blessing he continues to provide.

Heartbeats...

I've had this post in me for a while. One that I have ran through my head and my heart over and over again. I think partly because I've been hugging and loving on my boys...all three, for the last couple of weeks for a number of reasons. We have all been sick. Most recently, Daddy Brown has pneumonia. The Brownies have been coughing and sneezing and just about anything else you can think of from fever to diarrhea. We've had milestones from birthday parties to Mother's Day Out. It's been a real eye opener for me to see my boys grow and participate in the joys and sorrows of being siblings and friends.

I still can't believe we have a 3 year old and a 2 year old...TODDLERS. Where did our babies go? I remember when Big Brownie was just a heartbeat at 7 weeks old on the ultrasound at the doctors office. Our little "Gus" as we called him in the womb. And I remember the little heartbeat of Little Brownie "Pete" at 8 weeks. The two most precious, tearful moments of seeing a heartbeat. A beat that was consistent and strong. As you may have read Little Brownies birth story by now, there will always be a special bond between us. I tried putting him on my chest in the same position as I remember him just after he was born and Daddy Brown opened my car door. Little legs so long and slinder hang below my own. Arms that wrap around my neck and words like...BIG HUG and BIG KIPS...it hurts.

Little Brownie is still peacefully sleeping in his crib at night. He has a projection mobile that has 3 different sound buttons that over the last few months, he has began to explore the different sounds. He also has a sound machine separately in his room that up until a few months ago, always played the steady, peaceful sounds of rainfall. Since Little Brownie has figured out he can actually push the different buttons, he has realized he has options. Out of all the options he has to choose, his choice every night is the same...the sound of a heartbeat. I've read that young babies like the sound of a heartbeat for soothing effects and remembering of their cozy, warm place inside the safety of their Mommy's womb. The sound of a heartbeat to a baby is the steady sound as he grows and before he ever understands a word or other sounds from his Mom or Dad. Could it be that Little Brownie still finds comfort and safety in hearing the sounds of a heartbeat all night long as he sleeps? I like to think so and it gives me great comfort as well. The first sign of life in the womb...a heartbeat.

Little Brownie is 2...

Well, our Little Brownie is officially 2 years old and it truly hurts my heart. If there were not several fresh babies around me to snuggle, I would be in FULL-ON baby mode. As I have spent the last couple of hours looking over pictures from the past year, I have teared up many times. My throat has swelled with emotion as I have seen what time can do. I have seen in 2 short years, a baby grow into a toddler. A toddler with so much spunk, it will make your head spin.

In keeping with my new tradition of having a "mother-son" day, Little Brownie and I ventured to a local indoor tree-house. We played with trains, cars, dinosaurs, climbed tree houses and colored. We played on a stage, colored with markers, jumped around in a ball pit and oh so much more. Little Brownie was in complete, earth-shattering bliss. Making sure that everyone was sharing, he barked orders at the other children as if they were part of his own family. We enjoyed ourselves to the max.

As I was rocking my Little Brownie to sleep tonight, I remembered what I was doing at the exact time 2 years ago. It brought back so many memories of his quick and exciting arrival. As I did last year, I am sharing my experience for 1 day. Today, on my Little Brownie's special day, you can hear the audio of the 911 delivery. In a post to come, you'll see updated pictures of our recent adventures. I'm just too tired to update the video from last year. Please enjoy and may it bring a smile to you. If you'd like to read his story as well, you may click here to see the post from last year. I'll admit that I've re-read it several times over the last couple of days. It brings so many memories and emotions back to the surface. I forget the little details as time moves forward. I'm still in awe that I was blessed with a safe delivery of our son...and blessed with the experience.

My thoughts...

I've kinda been on a blogging break. Not that there hasn't been plenty of funnies and laughs around the Brown house, I've just been putting my efforts and energy to other more important tasks in our home and with our boys. However, today, I read a post about the pro-life/pro-choice controversy from an old friend on her blog that got me thinking. Thinking enough that I felt I needed to put my words down for my boys to know and understand why I believe the way I do. I am...Pro-life. I believe that a baby is a baby from the moment it is conceived. I believe that each conception is a miracle, no matter what circumstance the baby was conceived. Some babies are conceived under the worst circumstances and I do understand that some women have to make a choice about what side of the fence they sit when they are put in that situation. I will admit that I have never been in that situation. However, most of the people that believe one way or another, are also not and/or have not been in that situation either.

I believe the Bible is my guide and instruction book of life. The life of a Christian is a very narrow path and at times and uncomfortable path. There are a lot of lessons to be learned, but there are also a lot of lessons to be taught. Jesus Christ was teacher. Being that he is the son of God, he could have lived a "King's" life here on earth. He could have cleaned house and rid the world of evil. The Lord our father could appear at this moment and make all things anew...again...Remember the Great Flood? But our father had another plan. Making things anew didn't give us the pain factor. I came up with that one all on my own. The pain factor in my brain is the consequence of our actions. God gave us free will. He gives us the ability to believe what we choose and make our own decisions. And then, he walks with us as we suffer or rejoice in the consequence of those decision.

Do I think he condones Abortion? No. Do I think he gives special circumstances a second look if a baby is conceived in an unthinkable manner? No. Do I think that the Lord our God would want me to terminate my child in the womb because my life is in danger? No. When I look at the face of my children, what circumstance would have made me make the decision to terminate him? My answer? None. There is no circumstance or situation that would have made it ok for me to have terminated my baby. I would lay down my life for my baby, before they were born and after. Because I believe that a baby is a baby from the moment it is conceived, in my mind abortion is murder. It is killing a living being whether it is inside of my body or lying asleep in his crib. God is very clear that murder is a sin and that it is an unacceptable act. So, I am going to go out on a limb here and say what other people may not be willing to say today in this politically correct world we live...I am against abortion. I am not just pro-life and I am anti-death. I do not believe a woman has the right to choose to kill and I do not believe the government should make doctors kill unborn babies at a mother's request. I do not believe that the government should condone the killing of unborn babies either. There it is. That is how I feel. Right or wrong to most women I know who are pro-choice. However, I do not believe in it.

My friend that wrote the post on her blog that has had me thinking today mentioned an anti-abortion rally in front of the steps of a church. It really got under her skin and she viewed it very much as a judgment of those doctors who chose to perform abortions and those who chose to abort their babies. My response is this...I believe that anti-abortion rallies should be given the same respect as all the other rallies for which I do not agree with in one way or another. Gay and Lesbian rallies for instance. I do not believe that being a gay or lesbian is in concordance with the laws and guidance of the Bible. If I believe that my path is narrow and my faith is the only golden ticket to my salvation, then it is not a judgment I make in saying abortion is an act against God's path. Here is part of her post, "Did God come down and empower you to judge others? Did you wake up this morning with some omniscience that makes you able to make broad, unqualified judgments? Are you so perfect that you can stand publicly and cast stones at others? Is your world so black and white as to leave no room for extenuating circumstances?"

My answer is simple, yes. My world is black and white and doesn't leave room for extenuating circumstances. No, God didn't empower me or anyone for that matter to judge others. He did however, give me a book that tells me that abortion is wrong. It's not a judgment if I make a statement that the grass is green and the sky is blue. It is what I know to be true. So when asked, "Who the #%@* do you think you are?" My answer is this...I am a child of God. I am an imperfect Christian and God loves me. I live life on a narrow path of faith and I believe that faith is my doorway to heaven. I believe you have the ability to be saved at most any age and time in your life. Forgiveness of each and every sin, big or small is the gift he promises when we take a wider path and may a choice to follow our own path or divert from his word. God's love is great and abundant. And God is the creator and giver of forgiveness. I have a friend that in her early 20's, she had 2 abortions. She admits now that she is in her late 30's, she is very regretful. A day doesn't go by that she doesn't think about the babies that could have been. She now has a beautiful boy and she is grateful for the miracle of his life. She considers herself a born-again pro-lifer. I believe that rallies, like the one my friend experienced today, should continue to take place as much as all the other rallies that are allowed and permitted in our world today.

The phrase, "What would Jesus Do?" is used all the time from people who are Christians as I way to reflect and a way to make decisions in life. It is a reminder about how we are supposed to be living our lives as living, breathing versions of him. Unbelievers like to use it as a way to say we are being "Un-Christ-Like" because we are not loving the sins of others. God doesn't give us the right to judge. He gives us the book for which we are to teach, love and witness to those that are not on the narrow path. It is my hopes that anyone who is reading this can see that being a Christian is not a punchline. Life is not easy being a Christian in today's world. The easy path isn't always the right path. These are just my thoughts and beliefs. I want my boys to understand many years from now that my actions in life are based on the Bible and it is my prayers now for them as they grow, that they will be men of God. That they will live life on a narrow path and that they will be saved by accepting Jesus into their heart. Are you finding that you are in a place in your life that you are uncertain about your salvation? Faith and believing that God our father is your savior, accepting him into your heart as such, you too can be saved. I hope that my post is as thought provoking as my friends. You can read her full post here. There are a few curse words, so please don't allow your young ones to read.

Can I get a "Choo-Choo"...

For about 2 weeks now, we have been everything "Thomas the Train" that we can see, hear, play and wear. Last weekend, we rode on a train car in the big city that Thomas was pulling. Tutu Nani joined us for our big adventure. I can say that the boys have not stopped talking about the trip and I've officially learned just about all the accompanying train car's names as well. Aside from our favorite...Thomas, we also LOVE Percy. In fact, there may be an all out brawl in the floor over Percy. What it is about that little green train, I haven't a clue. Maybe it's the fact that even though we have 3 "Percy" train cars, we usually can only scare up 1 at a time. Or maybe it is the fact that he is green? Or MAYBE it is the fact that Percy seems to be Big Brownie's favorite and Little Brownie has picked up on this invaluable piece of information.

We have also enjoyed some much needed down-time and family time. I had a birthday last week and I'm officially as old as Daddy Brown...again, for the 34th time. We started the day with "Blue" Blueberry pancakes, "Green" eggs, "Yellow" bananas and "Orange" juice. The boys sang to me over and over all day long. We visited with my grandmother as she was recovering from cataract surgery and ended the day with Daddy Brown splurging with a grilled steak and potato dinner cooked lovingly over the charcoal grill. I even got to sneak away to Target...BY MYSELF! Which is about the best present one can receive these days. We enjoyed birthday candles, cake and ice cream. It was the best number 34 birthday I could have imagined.

Big Brownie is still LOVING Mother's Day Out and for the first time since he has been attending, he didn't cry for me before rest time. Praise Be! My boy is growing up. Ever the protector and ever the kind soul that he is. He always seems to know the right words to say at the exact moment I need to hear them. Today for example, there was an incident in the living room. Little Brownie poured his grape juice on the carpet...on purpose. To keep from exploding a world of discipline, I took a deep breathe, place Little Brownie in time-out and retrieved a towel to clean the mess. While steam is bellowing from my ears and all I can think about is..."Well, I'm gonna get to clean the carpets again tonight at midnight..." Big Brownie looks up at me and says, "Mama, don't be upset, I will help you clean it up." And then he proceeds to say as he hands me my cell phone, "Mama, I need to make a phone call. I need to call my dad and tell him we need a new house." Just exactly the smile that I needed.

Of course, Little Brownie is good for some true loving. We were sitting on the couch this morning reading a book and he says, "Mommy, I hode you?" I reach around to scoop him in my arms and he reaches up and wraps those sweet arms around my neck. He looks right into my eyes and says, "I wub you Mommy!" I love it when I ask him for a kiss, he pulls my head to his and plants a "Big Kips" on my lips. I'll hear him trip upstairs and I will call out, "Are you okay?" He responds, "I otay!" I can't believe he is going to be 2 year old in just a few weeks. My oh my, how time truly does fly.

So for now, I'm loving every minute of every day that I get to spend with my babies. Each day sometimes seems to be a repeat of the day before. Reading tons of books, praying over meals and snacks, playing with our toys and trains. And playing with our trains and playing with our trains and oh, how about, playing with our trains. We love to sing our favorite little jingle, (I think from Disney's Chuggington show, but I'm not 100% sure...

"Chugga-Chugga Chugga-Chugga...Choo-Choo
Chugga-Chugga Chugga-Chugga...Choo-Choo
That's how we play the train game."

For now, I'm soaking it all in. Loving on my boys, praying with and over my boys and us all praying over their trains.

Falling Forward...but reflecting back

If you know me, you know that FALL is by far my absolute, unequivocal, without a shadow of a doubt favorite season of the year. I love the smell of the crisp, cool air. I love the change of everything green, to crimson, gold and terra-cotta. I love the early dark sky and I love the cooler weather. I enjoy pulling out my big sweatshirts and warm sweaters. I love for Daddy Brown to stoke up a bonfire in the backyard to roast just about anything you can put on a stick. I love being a little chilly in the bed and snuggling up tight with the one I love. Yes, everything Fall is what I dream about all year round. As we are getting close to the favorite time of year, I took pause this morning to reflect upon a whole years worth of memories that have been documented. There have been 105 posts since I started this journey 364 days ago. I've used this forum to share my heart, my love, my boys and so much more. I looked back over the 105 posts and have giggled and laughed. I've cried and re-lived some pretty awesome moments. Moments that if left to my half-awake, limping brain these days, may have falling to the pits of forgetfulness.

I picked out a few that are my favorites. I'll add a few more recent pictures and I'll continue to be amazed on what a wondrous adventure we rise to every single day. I'll remember that my Brownies aren't babies any more, but young toddlers with eyes of exploration and minds of little sponges. I'll remember that what actions they see in me, they will likely emulate. I'll be reminded that each day can seem like an eternity, but each week, month and year, seem to be at lightening speed. I'll be reminded that each and every minute is a blessing in so many ways. Each day that seems like a trial of wills or meeting of the minds, is one more day that has been given to me not in vain. Each sleepless night of holding a Brownie is one more night of feeling their love and touch. Each unsolicited, "Mommy, I love you" gives me a closeness to them that is immeasurable. We have enjoyed every single minute of Summer and look forward to some cooler weather and beautiful, natural colors only God could produce. I hope you have enjoyed reading a bit about our lives over the past year and I hope you will come back to share in our lives as we continue on our journey of life. With love...~Mama Brown.

Some of my favorite posts over the last 12 months...
September, 2009 October, 2009 November, 2009 December, 2009
January, 2010 February, 2010 March, 2010 April, 2010
May, 2010 June, 2010 July, 2010 August, 2010

First day of "Bible School"


One of our MANY trips to the City Zoo!


Having fun at one of our MANY summer pool parties!


Spending precious time...father and son.


Relaxing at home and enjoying our blessings!


Praying over our food and being thankful for what we have been given!


Our future IS so bright we have to wear shades!


Our new found love of Care Bears!


Enjoying our favorite restaurant on our impromptu vacation to the mountains!