My dad said...

Every now and again, my sweet Big Brownie has a moment. A moment in which I find much clarity. Now that he is 4 years old, I have to remind myself that he is in fact...4 years old. He is taking on his "big brother" status with honor and valor. He proclaims to Little Brownie no less than 8 times a day that he is older and taller than Little Brownie. He takes joy in teaching him words, letters and numbers that "only big brother know". He takes great pride in caring for our Boxer Andy by feeding him in the morning and letting him outside. Big Brownie certainly understands the dynamics of his place in the family.

Sometimes, as parents our own words come back to bite us in the booty. Tonight for example, we arrived home well into the evening. I explained in the car that once we get home, we only have 15 minutes to play and then it would be bedtime. Both boys ran into the house wielding their Styrofoam swords, Spider-man wrists and wrestling holds. I reminded Big Brownie that in the car he wanted to play his new Wii...(thanks to our Tutu Nani). He said, "Oh mom, I am going to play Spider-Man with my brother instead. After the 15 minutes of play was complete, I told everyone to go upstairs and wash up for bedtime.

Begrudgingly the boys went upstairs. As the mumbled up the steps, Daddy Brown says to them, "You can play in the playroom until Mom comes upstairs." After about 2 minutes, Big Brownie yells down and said, "Hey Dad, I need your help with my Wii...I can't get it to turn on." I then explained, "You are supposed to be getting ready for bed, not playing your Wii". Which he then replied in quite an annoyed little tone, "Mom...MY DAD SAID, I could play until you came upstairs!" And there you have it folks. Like a paralegal checking the footnotes and correcting the judge...indeed, "My Dad said!"

How can he remember?

Ever wonder..."How on earth could he remember that?" My Big Brownie is now 4 years old. Yesterday marked the 1 1/2 year anniversary that we put Bubba to rest to the DAY. I have been missing our Bubba and Sissy but haven't really said much except a few words to Daddy Brown.

Last night, we went to Publix and as we were leaving, the boys asked the counter clerk for a balloon. Big Brownie wanted purple, but settled for blue and Little Brownie, OF COURSE, wanted green. Because I knew our history of accidental release of the balloons in the past, I asked the clerk to tie the balloons to the boys arms so we could make it home. We successfully make it to the car with me, groceries, 2 Brownies and 2 balloons. As we are driving home, Big Brownie starts firing off questions left and right. "Why do balloons float?" "What happens if I let it go? "How high in the sky will it go?" "Could it make it to heaven?"

As we approach home, he says, "Mama, I would really like Bubba and Sissy to play with my balloon in heaven!" Tears filled my eyes and I said, "Oh Buddy, are you sure? You won't have a balloon to play with if you let it go." He said, "I know, I want my Bubba and Sissy to play with it and have lots of fun." I said, "Ok, do you want to say anything before you let it go?" He replied, "Yes, I wanna say (as he bowed his head) God, please let my balloon go into heaven so Bubba and Sissy can play with it. I miss them very much, but now I have Andy to play with." He kissed his balloon and we let it go. In amazement, he watched as it floated up and disappeared before our eyes in the pink, orange and blue sky of dusk.

How is it that he can remember them from a year and a half ago.? That would have made him just barely 2 1/2 years old. I am truly blessed to have 2 Brownies that care and love so generously and kindly. Afterward, as we walked up to the door Big Brownie said, "Mama, Bubba and Sissy were really cool dogs. We will get to see them again won't we?" I said, "Oh yes, because all dogs go to heaven!" He smiled big and gave me a huge hug and said, "I like you a lot Mama!" I said, "I like you a lot too!" He giggled and said, "I really do love you...and your pancakes!"

Will he or won't he...

Well, in anticipation of Mother's Day Out (MDO) a.k.a. "Bible School" approaching in a little over a month, I'm trying to motivate Little Brownie to be potty trained. You see, the Mother's Day Out program we love only takes preschoolers who 1. are 3 years old by October 31st AND 2. completely potty trained.

The first one...in the bag, the second one...not so much. It's not because he doesn't know what to do or when to do it. He just chooses not too. Some days he will be 100% potty trained on number 1 and number 2 potty transactions. And then other days, he wants his diaper or pull-up. I try not to push to much, because I don't want him to have no interest at all. So, the question of the month...will he go to "bible school" or not? We will just have to wait and see.

Summer Days...

We have had several big adventures in the past few months. It has definitely been exciting and tiring all in the same breath. Big Brownie turned 4 and we had an AWESOME Batman birthday bash. I'll post on it soon. We have been to several other birthday parties and we had a farewell to a dear friend. It's been an emotional roller coaster for sure. I have had so many posts come and go in my mind lately. Most of the time, I forget the funnies of the day by the time my head hits the pillow. But let me assure you, there are many. My boys are growing so fast and so big. My heart aches when I look at pictures of them from a baby to now. But my heart is also overflowing with hearty laughter and love in the same moment. I'm thankful for summer, where late nights and late morning are in abundance. When we can play in the rain and watch movies with popcorn and sprite. When we can just be together as a family. That is what I most love about these summer months. Forget the scorching hot days, I love the sweaty heads of my boys running until they can't run another step, to see them rest with peace and sing with joy. These are the blessed summer days of our lives.

Claiming victory...

I have to make a confession. Last night, I was watching the "Celebrity Apprentice" at my mom's house when all of a sudden in a crucial part of the show, breaking news interrupted our show. I was irritated. Not just because I was missing my show, but more importantly, because the newscast was so eager to say that the President was going to make an important announcement, they couldn't hold the news for the President to ACTUALLY give the announcement. My initial reaction to the news was callus. I was irritated that the news reporter made the announcement before the President. Isn't he at least due that? Can we as a news hungry society not give the President a chance to make such an important announcement that the number 1 terriorist in the world has been captured and defeated?

I am proud to be an American. But this victory is not just justice for all the people that suffered from his many terrorist attacks, but a victory for our military and human nature all together. How many soliders have died trying to accomplish this task? How many American lives have been affected by this one individual? The numbers are staggering I'm sure. After seeing the President's speech again this morning, emotions well up inside of me. So many emotions. I wonder if the Navy Seals that pulled the trigger was a Christian. I wonder how I would react in that situation? I wonder how you take another man's life in that sense? Orders to kill a killer. Would you have time to pray for your mission and for the soul of the life you are going to take? There is something to be said for the most elite of teams that can do this kind of duty. I am thankful that there are people that are willing to go to war and to accept such missions. I am thankful to be free. I am thankful that I can write such a post, whether anyone reads it or not.

I dropped my mom off at the airport today for a 2 week trip. I couldn't help but think, "I wish she wasn't flying in an airplane on this day." I had a high level of fear when I kissed her goodbye. On the drive home, my mind was consumed with these fearful thoughts. I don't know what I would do without my mom. Could this terrorist change my world today with orders given in the event of his death? The answer is yes. However, I have to have faith. I know that my mom is saved and I find comfort in that. I can only pray over the flight and over my mom. I can only continue to have faith that she will have an uneventful and safe trip. In this day, I am claiming victory.

Theme Songs...

Do you ever feel like life is wrapped around a song? There are times in my day that literally I sing songs fitting for my morning and I find myself singing them to get through the day. For example, I was having an especially special day with the Brownies and the song by DMX, "Y'all gon' make me lose my mind" continually played in my head. Then at night, as the last eyelash falls to rest and a quiet comes over the house, the theme song for the Rocky movies play in my head. You know the one when Rocky makes it up the steps and is victoriously pumping his fists in the air. Yep, that is the one. There are days that the song by the Shirelles, "Mama said there'd be days like this" feels like my Alma mater.

But then there are precious songs that fill my heart and mind. The song "Brotherly Love" by Earl Thomas Conley comes to mind when I see the boys being so kind to one another. When they are consoling each other or kissing a boo-boo when they think I'm not around. When I'm in a great mood, the boys are being good listeners, the dog is behaving and Daddy Brown is being the best husband/Dad in the whole wide world, the song is "I'm on the top of the world" by the Carpenters. When I see that Andy has broke free of the fence, which has happened once or twice, the song, "Who let the dogs out" begins to chime in my mind.

It really is funny when I think about it because I haven't really paid attention to it until now. I do it unconsciously as I make my way through the day. Here recently the song by Lindsey Ray, "Brand New Day" is my "get out of the bed" theme song. I'm a HUGE Watermark fan. So many of their songs are representative of my thoughts and feelings. My favorite at the moment is "My Heart, Your Home". It is awesome. If the boys and are in a dancing mood, we are going to be dancing to "I like to move it" by will.i.am. Sonic Floods, "I could sing of your love forever" is another random insertion of the day. And a moody day would not end appropriately if "Big girls don't cry" didn't come ringing through by Fergie. "Good Times, Bad Times" by Edie Brickel is another regular. While watching the Royal wedding this past week, the song by Eric Clapton, "Wonderful Tonight" and Colbie Caillat's song, "I Do", played in my mind.

Am I the only one that has this weird musical connection? Well, it could be worse. I could be singing rap songs...well, sometimes I do so there you go. What is your theme song of the day?

Fasting for Jesus!

Ok so, here it is...I'm VEGAN! Say what? You heard me, I'm stepping out on faith and am in the process of completing a fast called...The Daniel Fast. This means, I am not eating meat, dairy, yeast, white flour, sugar, or honey and I'm not drinking beverages with caffeine, alcohol, milk, etc. This is a 21 day commitment. I can say that there are days I would chew my right arm off for a piece of chicken and a bit of ranch dressing on my salad, some cheese on a cracker or a large glass of milk. A dear friend and her family are also doing the fast and was the one that introduced this plan to me. She has her reasons for completing the fast and I have mine.

Of course there is the obvious benefit of losing a few pounds. Who wouldn't lose a bit of weight eating fruits, vegetables and whole grains all day? Slurping down tons of water and you are bound to drop a few pounds. Although preparing meals using fresh fruits and vegetables does take more time and planning than opening a box of hamburger helper. It allows me time to really think about the foods we eat. I have become an advanced label reader. I would say that before the fast, I was a novice label reader. I just glanced at the label to see how much of the bad stuff we were going to eat. Not really saying, "I choose not to eat this because it has a ton of sugars, dyes and additives that are bad for me and my family." But now, I have to read the labels to make sure that any of the restricted items don't appear on the label. It has been a real eye opener! For example, manufacturers don't even put what they are advertising on the front of the box. Something that has blueberries and says it is so healthy for you, in truth, has the tiniest bits of blueberry extracts in it and mostly, blue dyes to fake you out. Topped with a ton of processed sugar to make it sweet and you are fooled into thinking you are eating healthy.

This is secondary to the real reason for committing to this fast. The primary reasons are for Jesus. When was the last time I was so obedient to say, "In your honor God, I will do this!" It has been a while I hate to admit. Sure, I recommit myself everyday to walk in his path and to praise and worship him with my words and actions. This particular fast is spiritually based. You have daily devotions that are written out to help you with your daily quiet time. I have tried not to harp on the things I can't eat, but better to be encouraged that what I'm putting my body is not man made, it's not processed to death. It is of God. It is the gift of the whole foods and plants that he intended for us to eat. When I am hungry and I know that I'm not REALLY hungry, I pray to God to give me strength. When I'm tempted to eat something that I'm currently restricting, I pray again for God to give me strength. I really am depended on him to get me through the day when I'm weak. And that is just food. What about all the other things in my life that I try to handle all by myself. God is right there to help me and I have forgotten that in the past. My tendency has been to come to him and praise of the answers to prayers and blessings. Come to him when I'm in need of a major decision or someone is sick. But have failed to come to him on everyday issues, like food or smaller problems I face everyday. That is where I need focus. I need remembrance. I need to remember that he is there for me to praise for the little victories as well as the big. To come to when I'm upset of a cross word or a hurt feeling. He is there and it delights him when we come to him for praise, worship, wisdom and discernment.

I have prayed for God to strike the devil out of my head with all the temptations and thought of, "Just eat it, no one will know". But you and I both know there is one I can hide nothing from...God. I can't say that I haven't failed him once or twice in the fast. In the beginning, it was especially hard because I was in the habit of eating a snack with the boys or eating a bite after them at dinner. Just last night, I ate a bite of cheddar cheese. I felt awful about it afterwards because I felt like a failure and I immediately prayed for forgiveness. It just has made me more aware of how I need to be living for the Glory of God. Not for the satisfaction of man. I feel his grace on me this morning and I continue to pray for his guidance and unconditional love to cover me as I make it through this day too.

So, I'm fasting for Jesus. I'm especially happy that I've learned a lot about the foods we eat and how the marketplace continually comes up with ways to trick us into thinking we are eating healthy. I've learned a few cooking techniques and have several recipes that we will continue to enjoy after the fast because...THEY ARE THAT GOOD. I've learned the difference between "organic" marketing and "all-natural" marketing. I'm still in the process of learning all the lingo for processed and partially processed chemicals that are added to our foods to enhance the flavors and colors to make them more attracted and appealing. TO MAKE ME ADDICTED to them. This fast has been freeing for me to come off of the sugars and fats of our world today. No, I'm not going to be a vegan after the fast. I do enjoy and feel God has given us meat, dairy and yeast as a blessing to be enjoyed in moderation. But for now, I'm on day 13 and so happy that I've been able to make it to day 13.