Superstar...

Did you ever dream about being a superstar? When I was a little kid, I used to think I could sing better than anyone on the planet. I would ask my Grandparents if they would like me to "entertain" them. I sang in the car, in the bath, at school, in my room and most definitely in the store. My mom used to politely ask me to be quiet, so she could hear herself think. If I wasn't singing, I was talking. If I wasn't talking, I was humming. And guess what? My mom told me I would have a child one day that would do the exact same thing.

Her prediction was correct. Little Brownie and Big Brownie love to sing and talk and hum. They love to have a "sing-a-long" and bob their little heads up and down as we dance and sing our tunes. I recently put a CD player in the playroom so we can listen to music and books. Big Brownie requests I play music in the mornings. It is so precious to hear his little voice singing away and making his own words match the tune. Little Brownie is chiming in as well. The favorite of the week and/or year is Frosty the Snowman. Honestly, Little Brownie has been requesting and watching Frosty the Snowman all year long. We have literally burnt up our first Frosty DVD. I had to scour the stores last week to find a replacement, which was difficult because there are now several versions, prequels and sequels to the original.

The Brownies are my rock stars. At the end of the day, I feel much like my mom where I want to teach them how to play, "Quiet as a mouse". They really haven't mastered this game...AT ALL, but it is worth a try. So, back to my original question..."Did you ever dream of being a superstar?" I have felt like one many times over the last few weeks. If I get out of the house for a few hours without the Brownies, upon my return it is as if a superstar has walked through the door. "Mommy, Mommy!" says Little Brownie. "Mommy's home, you're back!", says Big Brownie. All followed with big hugs and big kisses. Walking in the house to hear their sweet voices and their feet pounding the floor as they get closer to me, is an enthusiasm I hope will continue through many years. It makes me feel good to know that I may not be a Superstar to most, but I am a Superstar to the most important.

Happy Anniversary...

Today is our 12 year anniversary. It seems like yesterday, but it seems like forever. It is hard for me to remember a time before Daddy Brown was in my life. We dated for 4 years before we married and now, we have officially known each other for half of our life. But it is also hard to remember life before the Brownies were born, so that is just my mind putting priorities in place...I think. Life is harder now than it ever has been. Harder in that Daddy Brown and I have to work to find time with each other when it is just each other around. With Brownies literally running under foot, to be able to sit and just look at each other and laugh or talk or cry, those moments are cherished. To be able to take a breath of the same air while wrapping my arms around him, revitalizes my spirit.

Last night, Gran Gran and Pops took care of the boys overnight. It's been a while since we have had the opportunity to just be "me and you". We dropped off the boys and were just giddy at being in a car without car seats in the back. To drive to get gas and not have to worry about the boys getting fussy. To eat a meal without making it kid friendly by holding this and holding that...and to eat it all. To come home to a quiet house, not worry about what was on the television and to laugh. To laugh and talk without spelling words or mouthing phrases. To talk frankly and stay up as late as we wanted. To fall asleep next to the one I love without looking at the monitor to make sure I didn't hear a cough or wheeze or cry.

It is just as much work to make time for these moments with just each other, as it is with the Brownies. To look at Daddy Brown and be able to just be me. To be his wife and not the mother of his kids. I don't want 15 years to pass that we haven't looked at each other with love in our eyes, to laugh until we cry and talk until the sun comes up. Our big night didn't consist of much flare. We went shopping for Big Brownie a new pair of shoes. We went to Target and walked around aimlessly in area's of the store that we normally don't get to go because we are running in and out, trying to avoid the toy department and holiday areas if possible. We held each others hand without having a little Brownie hand in between. Daddy Brown was able to wrap his arms around me while were in the checking out line, and I miss that. I miss being about to show a little "PDA" with Daddy Brown. To have him brush my hair back to see my face or give me a love pat on the rear when I walk by. Yes, it was a great night to be just me and Daddy Brown. Thanking Jesus today that I have Daddy Brown in my life. That we have 2 Brownies to raise and we have a loving and caring family to share it with. Hug, Kiss, Laugh, Talk, Hold, Cry and Look at the one you love today. You don't have to do all of these at one time, but make sure you at least do one every day.

Friday Funny...

I could not let this day go by without sharing a few funny words from Big Brownie. Last night, Daddy Brown made a deal with Big Brownie. If he slept in his bed all night and didn't come out, he could sleep with a toy gun. Daddy Brown said his eyes lit up and he was excited sleeping with his toy gun. This is not a deal that I would have made, since I don't really know how I feel about toy guns just yet. Anyway, at about 5:30a this morning I heard him screaming in his bed. I jumped up and ran into his room. I asked what was wrong and he had lost his toy gun and was upset. I searched feverishly in the blankets and pulled out his toy gun and he literally fell over back to sleep. I laid down beside him and watched him sleep.

About 8:15a, I woke up and had fallen asleep in the bed with Big Brownie. He was staring at me and smiled when I opened my eyes. Not only was he coveting his toy gun, but in the midst of all the covers that lay upon his full size bed, a binkie had been found and was in his mouth! I asked him, "Where did you get that binkie?" He said, "I just hide it under my pillow and the binkie fairy is gonna come get it and bring me a dollar." I said, "Oh, I didn't know that there was a binkie fairy?" He said, "Oh yea, she is gonna give me a dollar for my binkie and I'm gonna buy me something." I said, "What are you gonna buy?" He said, "Well, if the tooth fairy comes with the binkie fairy, then I will get 2 dollars and I can buy a whole bunch more binkies and get a whole bunch more dollars." OH MY GOODNESS! Where did this child come from and where did he get that pearl of wisdom!

I've got a big day today, so I've got to get moving. However, I will share again soon, I just didn't want this funny to get lost in my brain forever. Happy Friday!

Just the two of us...

After feeling at the bottom of the barrel yesterday, I'm feeling rejuvenated today. Daddy Brown came in yesterday afternoon and I'm pretty sure he could tell I was feeling down. He stepped right in and helped me with dinner. I did make my pumpkin soup in pumpkin bread bowls with pork tenderloin and green beans. Of course, we didn't eat supper until around 7:30p, but I felt a sense of accomplishment. Daddy Brown took charge of the boys and I was able to do what I love to do...cook and bake. It was delicious if I do say so myself. You might scrunch your nose up to the thought of pumpkin soup, but honestly, the whole family lapped it up and Daddy Brown went in for a second bowl. That says a lot for Daddy Brown to have seconds.

With bellies full and everyone in a calm mood, I ran to the store, (by myself) to get milk and a few other items. Bathtime and bedtime followed shortly. As Daddy Brown concluded watching the 2nd game of the World Series, he came to bed. We cuddled and snuggled up together and drifted off to sleep. Big Brownie made his way to our room at 5:55a. I swooped him up into our bed in between us and Andy followed suit. All that was missing was Little Brownie, but I wasn't about to wake him up to join us.

About 6:30a, I nudged Daddy Brown and asked if he wouldn't mind if I went for a run. I have a 5k run tomorrow morning that I have not prepared well for. Honestly, my running shoes haven't hit the pavement in about 3 weeks. I needed to knock the cobwebs off the legs and see if I could run for more than a minute. It was COLD. Say about 39 degrees COLD. I put my warm wear on and laced up my shoes. To my surprise, I didn't do as bad as I had expected. I ran for 14 minutes and took a 1 minute break, then ran for another 5 minutes. I think I could have ran a bit longer but needed to get back home so Daddy Brown could go to work. It felt good. I think I've missed the high of adrenaline that I feel when I get out and run. I miss how invigorated I feel when I do. We will see how well I do tomorrow and I'll post some pictures.

After returning home, I enjoyed a cup of coffee and a bagel as I checked my email. It was nice to actually have breakfast and to finish it all by myself. It was awesome having a few extra minutes with Daddy Brown, without the Brownies under our feet, to share a few words, hugs and kisses. I need to do better at making time for just us. Our anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks. It always reminds me that the Brownies originally started with just the two of us. No matter what kind of day falls in my lap, at the end of the day, I have Daddy Brown to help pick me up and support me. I need to do a better job at picking him up and supporting him. Today, I'm feeling a renewed strength. A renewed love and patience. Who knows how I'll feel this afternoon or this evening, but for now, I'm content. Content in knowing that through my ups and downs, I have my family to lean on.

Laugh or Cry?

So...I must get back to blogging. Why you ask? Because if I don't by the end of most days, I have a choice. Do I laugh about my day or do I cry? I choose laughter most days, but here recently, the tears have come so easily. To share with you the funnies, helps me remember them on days like today that I could ball up into the fetal position and find pity all around.

I woke this morning with what appeared to be an ample amount of sleep in my tank. We started our day enjoying a Disney feature called "Spookley". I decided I'd throw a couple of ingredients together to see if I could make a less complicated version of Spiced Pumpkin pancakes. It worked. I got out my Halloween pancake molds and the boys chose a pumpkin and a bat as their pancake shape of choice. As we are eating our holiday breakfast, Andy, the now 60 pound boxer, is seating patiently at their feet. I turned my back to grab everyone a drink and I hear, "Andy likes pancakes too!" As I turned around to see what was happening, Little Brownie was giving Andy a bite...from his fork. I just kinda stood for a second processing the kindness Little Brownie was giving to his dog, but also in utter disgust as I watched Little Brownie lick the fork after Andy was done. Andy got to go outside for the remainder for breakfast.

Once we concluded our meal, Andy does get to have the left overs. I welcomed him back into the house and gave him his expectant plate. The boys and I went upstairs to change clothes, but another moment of forgetfulness allowed me to leave the kitchen without checking for any objects that Andy might swipe from the counter tops. Upon my return to the downstairs, Andy was not waiting for me at the bottom of the steps in his usual spot. I panicked and ran into the living room. 1 whole stick of softened butter was being eating and licked into the carpet. YUCK!

Our day continued with some playroom organizing and cleanup. It was actually Big Brownies idea. We sat in the floor and the boys were my runners to different areas of the room. Boxes organized as "Trains", "Cars", "Animals and People", "Blocks"...you get the idea. This is a great way for me to see what they still have attachments to as far as their toys and what they have grown out of to be gifted or packed away. We played and enjoyed the morning with each other until we found a treasure. A semi-truck that holds match-box cars...hasn't been played with in over 6 months I'm sure, was the focus of EVERYBODY's attention. Big Brownie explained to Little Brownie that this was for big boys and he was not 3 so he couldn't play with it. Little Brownie has a meltdown and so it began.

After some counseling and love from each brother to one another, it was lunchtime. We had grilled cheese sandwiches in the shape of...what else...pumpkins and owls with a side of chips and banana. As we finished lunch and headed to nap time, Big Brownie decides he wants to watch a movie while I put Little Brownie down in his room. I declined the request, but explained he could lay in my bed and watch Nick Jr. until I returned. He agreed. I get Little Brownie asleep and in his bed and began singing to Big Brownie. Off to sleep he went and I had a moment of Ahhhhh. It felt good to have the house quiet. Time for me to get a shower and maybe a cup of tea.

Well, 12 minutes people. 12 minutes and I hear Big Brownie's feet hit the floor. In hopes that he was just getting up to tinkle I stood quiet and followed his footsteps above me as he went to the bathroom. A few seconds later, his footsteps approached the doorway as opposed to the bed. I attempted to put him back in bed but to no avail. It just wasn't happened. To keep what little sanity I had left, I let him watch a DVD while I showered and we came downstairs for some much needed cuddling. Little Brownie didn't sleep more than an hour and he was up calling my name.

Downstairs we all come to begin the afternoon push until Daddy Brown gets home. Pumpkin Soup in Pumpkin Bread bowls with a side of pork tenderloin and green beans is on the entree menu tonight. Dessert includes candy corn shaped sugar cookies dipped in chocolate to be enjoyed with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Big aspiration I have for a Mama with a preschooler and a toddler on my hands. I'd like to say my afternoon has been successful, however, I found myself giving out turkey sandwich halves and chips for a snack as my "Pumpkin Bread Bowls" are proofing on my desktop in the sunlight. Little Brownie has been on edge since he woke up and I find myself getting a whiff of a stinky diaper as he runs past me. Big Brownie decided he wants to play with some play dough. I was agreeable until I found him in the corner with a pair of scissors cutting his plastic pumpkin to pieces.

It is my hopes as Daddy Brown appears any minute in my view that my insanity level with come down a few notches. Having the knight in shining armor arrive to save the day and give me aid is sometimes the highlight of my day. The goals for the night...pumpkin soup in white glass bowls with a side of "I haven't figured it out yet", bathtime, evening playtime, maybe a movie with popcorn and finally bedtime. Hopefully one that ends with laughter and not tears.

Oh the days of yester-year...

I got a real giggle today. I met with an old friend at lunch. He has asked me to do some accounting work for him, so technically this was a business meeting. As I got out of the "family truckster", I was holding Little Brownies hand and walking to the restaurant. I was rocking my mommy jeans, clearance t-shirt and flip flops. On my arm, I was carrying our "Day out with Thomas" bag that holds everything from diapers and wipes, trains, cars, to my notepad, "SOP's" and binder full of my friend's information...and I smiled. Just 4 short years ago, that Mama Brown from yester-year would have been sporting a suit, high heel shoes and a leather bound portfolio of information. There would have been makeup on my face and my hair would have been fixed in a bun or french twist and sprayed to perfection.

What a difference a few years will make when priorities have shifted. The Mama Brown of today is still just as smart as I was before, although most days I question that previous statement. But today, my thoughts are always of my boys. When making the appointment and choosing a restaurant...it had to be kid friendly. I needed crayons and coloring pages provided, a booster seat was a must and a kids menu with our favorite grilled chicken and beans to order. An atmosphere that was conducive to my goals of discussing his needs and going through his priorities, while keeping Little Brownie occupied and entertained.

It was a success. Thankfully, my friend knew me back in the day. He has confidence and understanding to my situation of being a stay-at-home Mama, but still trusts that I can help him meet his needs and goals in the process. As we were leaving our successful business lunch, a stop in the gift shop to play with toys and sitting in rocking chairs while playing checkers were all objectives that we achieved. Could life be any better to be able to have my cake and eat it too? I am extremely thankful for every blessing that the Good Lord has afforded us. And I'm continually grateful of the many blessing he continues to provide.

Heartbeats...

I've had this post in me for a while. One that I have ran through my head and my heart over and over again. I think partly because I've been hugging and loving on my boys...all three, for the last couple of weeks for a number of reasons. We have all been sick. Most recently, Daddy Brown has pneumonia. The Brownies have been coughing and sneezing and just about anything else you can think of from fever to diarrhea. We've had milestones from birthday parties to Mother's Day Out. It's been a real eye opener for me to see my boys grow and participate in the joys and sorrows of being siblings and friends.

I still can't believe we have a 3 year old and a 2 year old...TODDLERS. Where did our babies go? I remember when Big Brownie was just a heartbeat at 7 weeks old on the ultrasound at the doctors office. Our little "Gus" as we called him in the womb. And I remember the little heartbeat of Little Brownie "Pete" at 8 weeks. The two most precious, tearful moments of seeing a heartbeat. A beat that was consistent and strong. As you may have read Little Brownies birth story by now, there will always be a special bond between us. I tried putting him on my chest in the same position as I remember him just after he was born and Daddy Brown opened my car door. Little legs so long and slinder hang below my own. Arms that wrap around my neck and words like...BIG HUG and BIG KIPS...it hurts.

Little Brownie is still peacefully sleeping in his crib at night. He has a projection mobile that has 3 different sound buttons that over the last few months, he has began to explore the different sounds. He also has a sound machine separately in his room that up until a few months ago, always played the steady, peaceful sounds of rainfall. Since Little Brownie has figured out he can actually push the different buttons, he has realized he has options. Out of all the options he has to choose, his choice every night is the same...the sound of a heartbeat. I've read that young babies like the sound of a heartbeat for soothing effects and remembering of their cozy, warm place inside the safety of their Mommy's womb. The sound of a heartbeat to a baby is the steady sound as he grows and before he ever understands a word or other sounds from his Mom or Dad. Could it be that Little Brownie still finds comfort and safety in hearing the sounds of a heartbeat all night long as he sleeps? I like to think so and it gives me great comfort as well. The first sign of life in the womb...a heartbeat.