How about a "SAY WHAT WEDNESDAY"?

Man have I ever missed posting my weekly "Say What?". It has been a super busy summer that seemingly is leading to a even busier Fall season fast approaching. Just to get everyone up to speed, Big Brownie is now 3 years and 2 months and Little Brownie is now 22 months old. They are becoming REAL brothers. You know, the kind that have combats and camaraderie all at the same time.

Thanks to Tutu Nani, the boys were given a treat of "Super hero" capes a couple of weeks ago. You know I could have tied a towel to their necks and told them they were capers and that would have been sufficient. However, with Big Brownies new found interest in Batman, Superman and Spiderman (learned from nephews)...as well as SUPER WHY from PBS, he loves to be my little super hero. This is all captured and carefully observed by Little Brownie. Sometimes in the morning when we rise, the first thing Big Brownie asks is, "Can I be your super hero today?" I grant his wish and before long, he is saving the day with his amazing leaps off the couch to save me from a toy bug on the floor or zooming through the kitchen to put a cup in the sink, saving the carpet from a spill. Little Brownie is in awe of Big Brownies super powers. He has decided he also wants to be my little "Super Hero" as well. His language has become a lot more clear over the last few weeks and he runs to me and says, "Mommy, Mommy...I suppa-tero too?" I grab his cape and within minutes he is also looking to save the day with his "Suppa-tero" powers. What would the caper duo be without a super dog, so Andy has been added to the super line-up as our very own, Super hero dog. It is quite funny to see them running around as a trio of super hero's, jumping from couch to pillow then pillow to chair...saving the day with their powers to put clothes in the baskets and blankets on beds. To pick up toys that need saving from the floor and snacks from the table. Yeah, they may think they are super-hero's, but I'm taking full advantage of the situation and making them little caped helpers. However, as quickly as we clean up, we destroy the territory so that there is another episode of "Saving the day" tomorrow.

As I said, Little Brownie is becoming more clear in his communication. My favorites are..."Mommy, Mommy, I stuck!" As I round the corner, he has pushed his foot into the cushion to pretend that he is stuck. Or, the "Mommy, Mommy, watch dis!" as he leaps in the air from the couch and lands on both feet. But my all time favorite is, "Mommy, Mommy, up...hold me, hud (hug) me and kips (kiss) me!" He has a smile and laugh that truly melts my heart and he can work his little magic to make you all warm and fuzzy inside.

Warm and fuzzes is exactly what you need to feel to counterbalance the shear mean streak that child has tucked away. Little Brownie can be mean as snot and boy can he take it out on his brother. I have so far been able to contain myself and hold back from spanking that child, however, I have never had to be more creative with my discipline style than with that child. He will make a drive by "Hit and Run" at a whim. Big Brownie is his best target and to that, I have encouraged Big Brownie to hit back. I know that many of you probably have to pick your jaw up from the ground when I say that I have told Big Brownie to hit him back, but I did not want Big Brownie to feel helpless to Little Brownie's aggressiveness. I don't want Big Brownie to feel like he can be bullied. I need him to feel a sense of worth and power over his person and that sometimes, you have to teach a lesson yourself as opposed to allowing me, Mommy, to handle every offense.

So, with that, no fewer than 2-3 times a day, when the Brownies are at each others throats, there will be an outburst of fury. I will usually be out of the room when it happens, but within earshot distance. It usually plays out something like this...(Crying in the background) Me: "What happened?" Big Brownie, "Brother hit me and I hit him back." Me: "Where did he hit you?" B.B.: "Here on my head!" Me: "Where did you hit him?" B.B. "I just hit him on his head and he fell down and got another boo-boo on his leg." Me: "Maybe you hit him a little too hard?" B.B. "No, he hit me on my head so I just pushed him." Me: "Did you hit him on the head or did you push him?" B.B. "I hit him in the head and pushed him with my fists and then he fell down."

OR...(Crying in the background) Me: "What happened?" B.B.: "He hit me!" L.B.: "I hip Bubba!" Me: "Don't hit brother!" L.B.: "OK Mommy (smiling)" Me: "Sit here in time out for 1 minute." L.B.: scoots to pick up a toy and runs back to his timeout spot "Mommy, Mommy...train!" B.B.: "Did you put him in timeout?" Me: "Yes, he is in timeout" B.B.: "Will you leave him there forever and just come hold me?" Me: "You can't play with your train while in timeout (I take the train and massive crying ensues)" B.B.: "I'm so sad, Brother hit me and I need you to hold me." Me to B.B.: "I'm on my way to hold you." Me to L.B.: "You can't have toys in timeout...give me that car!" B.B.: "No toys in timeout!" L.B. "I sooorry! I sooorry!" B.B. "I forgive him." Me: "Go give Brother a hug and tell him you are sorry." L.B. "I sorry bubba." B.B.: "I forgive you!" So...are you tired yet? It is truly exhausting figuring out do you discipline or console.

We have decided to cut back on some of our household expenses. I turned off the gas because we only have a gas fireplace and we NEVER turn it on...$15 bucks a month saved. I'm leaving my debit card at home and trying to be mindful of the things I spend money on and use cash only....no telling how much I am saving from not nickel and dime-ing our account to death. I cut back our cable services and turned in 2 of our digital cable boxes...$40 bucks a month saved. In doing the latter, I had a "Say What?" from Daddy Brown. With our current cable plan we get 1 digital box and with that, there are certain channels that are only accessible through the digital box. The most watched channel...Nick Jr. channel 113. Since we have a few movie channels and the only time we really ever use the On Demand function is to rent a non-kid movie, I left the digital box in our room. On the first day I turned the boxes in, Daddy Brown came home and I began to fix dinner. I needed a bit of a break and I asked Daddy Brown to handle the boys. He looks down and realizes we no longer have Nick Jr. on the living room television. He looks at me and says, "WHERE IS NICK JR!" I smiled and said, "We only get Nick Jr., through the cable box...remember?" He stood there for a minute and said, "Well, what about PBS or Disney?" I explained, "They only have preschool shows during the morning and daytime?" His response..."I guess we can just turn the television off since there is nothing good on T.V. to watch." In that moment, I grinned and thought, was there ever a time in my previous non-kid life that not have Nick Jr. available would be a "Nothing good on" television moment?

Okay...one more then I'm off to bed. Some of the most wonderful moments of my day are when my boys desire to have some Mommy time. I stay up late at night because that is the only time I have "Me" time these days. Big Brownie will start Mother's Day Out in 1 week and I'm excited about the time I will get to spend with Little Brownie solo. We have never had that one on one time. I think they both will truly flourish with this next chapter that will unfold. As I'm preparing Big Brownie that he will go to school soon, he asks, "Am I going to my new Bible School tomorrow?" Me: "No, you will go in one week." B.B.: "Oh, will they have a Ferris Wheel there?" Me: "No, they won't have a Ferris Wheel there, but they will have a playground for you to play on." B.B.: "Yay, with Zebra's and Flamingo's?" Me: "No, there won't be any animals, but you will be able to play with new friends." B.B.: "Awesome, can they go to the Childrens Museum with me to see the dragon in the castle?" Me: "Well, maybe, but your school is not going to go to the Childrens Museum, but you will be able to draw and cut with scissors." B.B. "Oh no, I can't cut with big scissors." Me: "They will have kid scissors for your to use." B.B. "Wow, and can I cut apples and oranges with them?" Me: "Well, no, you will cut paper, but they will have a kitchen for you to play with." B.B.: "And can I cook pancakes and bacon for my new friends?" Me: "Yes, you can pretend to cook anything you want." B.B. "I don't think Bible School is going to be fun. I don't want to go to Bible School." Me: "Why not?" B.B., "Because they don't have Ferris Wheels, Zoo Animals...no Childrens Museum and I can't cook real food in the kitchen. I don't want to go, I want to stay here with you." Me: "You know what else you are going to get to do at Bible School?" B.B. (eyes light up and mouth opens wide with anticipation) "What is it, what is it?" Me: "You are going to get to make new friends and learn about Jesus." B.B.: "JESUS? YAY! I want to learn about Jesus, can I go to Bible School tomorrow?" I hope the excitement and anticipation of learning about Jesus continues to grow. I hope and pray that the transition to Mother's Day Out for Big Brownie is successful and innovative for him. I hope and pray he never loses his ability to reason each side of the coin and that he continues to find joy in his life through each and every new door he walks through...I hope and I pray!

Feels good to be back...

It has been a couple of weeks of C-R-A-Z-I-N-E-S-S around here. In a nutshell...my mom helped sponsor a national conference in our state's capital, which the Brownies and I helped and participated. We have enjoyed a new adventures with friends at our new local Children's Museum. We have celebrated 4 birthdays of friends and family. We picked berries and fruit and ventured to our Amish country for fresh produce, a couple of times. We participated...kinda in vacation bible school until...the Brown family got sick. Oh and did we get sick with the yuckiest sick belly's around. It almost makes me yawn just writing it all down, but the month of July is like a blurry, fuzzy memory. I remember being at all those places and having TONS of fun, but whew, I'm tired.

In all our kid wrangling, balloon fetching, food eating, picture taking and all out fun, I almost fell off the workout wagon. I went an entire 4 day stretch of not running and it almost did me in. I made it to week 7 in my Couch to 5K journey and then with all the early mornings and late evenings, I was derailed for a bit. I had a terrible W7D1 run. It made me cry. I couldn't finish the 25 minute run. I was hindered a bit by strolling my 28 pound Little Brownie and it was SO incredibly hot that morning that I just psyched myself out. Nothing like a bad run to get me down. I've been down, but this time I was not going to let myself be out.

The good thing about creating the support team of family around me that are participating in the C25K program, is that I always have someone to pick me up when I'm down. I try my best to delve out the encouragement as much as possible. And after my doosey of a W7D1 run, I came home immediately...hot, sweaty and teary. I picked up my cell phone and I texted Aunt Apple and Aunt Fudge. I needed someone to pick me up. I prayed. I prayed for God to give me the strength to pick myself up. I made a decision. I decided that this time, I wasn't going to quit. This time, I wasn't going to let it get the best of me. This time, I was going to prove to myself that I could put a bad run behind me and kick it's butt, not let it kick mine. And oddly enough, I did. I completed Week 7 with a bang. Did I struggle...most definitely. Did I want to quit...undeniably, but I kept going. I even yelled at myself aloud, "YOU BETTER NOT QUIT! YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH! LEAVE IT HERE! NO REGRETS!"

I am sure if any 1 of my neighbors were up and enjoying their quiet morning coffee, I interrupted them with my robust attitude. In the end, I did it. I got my momentum back. I felt the fire in my belly again. So much so that I woke up this past Saturday and struggled to make myself stay in the bed. It was 6 a.m. and it was my rest day. I wanted to run. I talked myself in and out of getting out the bed for 45 minutes and finally said, "What the heck, I'm going running!" I strapped my knee brace on, tied my running shoes and choked down my GU energy gel. Out the door I went thinking I would start week 8. Week 8 in the program is run for 28 minutes. I had so much excitement swirling that I did something crazy. I decided that I was going to push myself further than I ever had. I was going to see how far I could run without stopping.

Down our road is a set of railroad tracks that is exactly 1.8 miles away. If I calculated my warm-up walk of 5 minutes correctly, it would be about 1.5 miles one-way. Could I do this? Could I really run to the railroad tracks? Then, could I run all the way back? As I start my jog, I felt good and found a slow, steady and comfortable pace. I wasn't out of breathe, I wasn't wheezing and trying to find a pattern. No, on this day, I felt strong. As I came around the corner stretching further than ever before, I saw the railroad tracks. My excitement intensified and I text messaged my husband, "I see the railroad tracks and I'm still going!" As I turned at the track and worked my way back, I still felt good. I hit about the 2 mile mark and to my surprise...I was still going. I text messaged my husband, "2 miles in 28 minutes and I haven't stopped!"

As I get to the BIG hill close to home, I began talking to myself and I began praying aloud. "Lord give me the strength I need. Give me the power and will to do this. I know I can do this and I know you can help me. Give me what I need to succeed." I focused and breathed. I did it. I ran without stopping for 42 minutes and I ran for 3 miles. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could do this. I didn't do it alone. I may have been on the pavement all by myself, but the Good Lord guided my feet. He helped me rise up and accomplish something I thought I could never do. It was good. God is good. God can give you the strength and the power to overcome any obstacle in your way. I could have let all the fun and adventurous happenings of the last few weeks completely take me to a place of regret. There were many days that I was so happy to see Aunt Apple and Aunt Fudge pull in the driveway to run with me. Those were the days I needed some support and I needed someone else to help motivate me off the couch.

I'm so very thankful that I have committed to something as big and physical as a 5K run. I'm more excited now than I have been through the whole process. I have to make myself take rest days. I would love to run everyday. I relive the moment I knew I was going to finish my first 20 minute run without stopping and without struggling. I did feel a little like a young Forrest Gump, as his braces ripped from his legs and he realized he could run like the wind. I am far from running like the wind, however, I am a runner. It feels good to be back. It feels good to know that I can run for 42 minutes. I am completely crazy enough to say to Daddy Brown, "I bet I could run for a whole hour!" It just feels good. I encourage you today to get up and get moving. Find whatever you need to motive yourself. Do it for your family, but most importantly, do it for you. There is only one of you. Make it the best YOU possible. Much love and many blessings! ~Mama Brown

Our first...

It has taken me quite a while to write this post. It has been about a month that Big Brownie turned 3 years old. He is our first creation. He is our first born child that exhibits so much of both of us. He is our first taste of what responsibility of others has meant. With that, I'm sharing our first experience with you.

Daddy Brown and I were married for 7 years before we even really thought about having children. Every couple of years or so, we would have a brief conversation...my memory recalls it being in the shower most of the time, as that is where I was able to think about these type of life altering decisions. The conversation would go something like this..."So, are you ready to have babies yet?" His response, "I'm ready whenever you are." My response..."I don't think I'm ready yet." His response..."Ok". And that literally was how the conversation would begin and end. I remember thinking as I turned 29 years old, "Geez, I better get to popping out babies soon or I'm gonna be too set in my ways and to old to have them."

In April of 2006, left an extremely stressful job. Daddy Brown and I enjoyed a 2nd honeymoon in Hawaii thanks in part to my Mom. I was at a crossroads in my career and wasn't sure where the Lord was going to drop me next. We decided that it wouldn't hurt to stop trying NOT to have a baby. I did some side work here and there. Called on some old clients and employers and did some freelance work to fill my time. I helped a friend in need that had a complicated situation and needed some help for several months. I was staying at her house 5 days a week to help her in her physical recovery.

One night I remember waking up with terrible abdominal pain. None that I had ever felt before. It was about "my time of the month" and this is what I attributed this pain. The next night was much the same. I came home late that night, and as Daddy Brown and I were walking the dogs, I began to tell him of this pain that I had been experiencing. His reply, "Have you pee'd on a stick?" My thought was, "Why on earth would I do that, it's just my time of the month." However, it planted just enough of a seed in my head to wonder. It was now 10:30p and I came inside, ran upstairs and found a pregnancy test. I pee'd on the stick and literally within a few seconds, 2 pink lines appeared. I yelled from the upstairs bathroom, "COME HERE NOW!!!" Daddy Brown sprinted upstairs with worry and concern on his face. As he entered the bathroom, there I stood holding the message of our future.

The 2nd pink lines were very faint, and my reaction was that we needed another test to make certain this was what we thought it was...a baby. Daddy Brown called it a foul and inconclusive. I on the other hand...filled up with anxiousness. Daddy Brown talked me into waiting for the morning to get a test. I didn't sleep much that night. I didn't want to get too excited, because what if it were just a fluke. What if this was the one malfunctioned test in the whole world. As soon as dawn approached, I sprung from my bed and jumped into the car. I went to our local CVS and Walgreens. I bought 2 tests of different brands at both stores. If I had a faulty test, I didn't want to get another one. I came home pee'd on ALL the tests and left the room. I waited for 3 minutes with baited breath. As I entered the bathroom, 4 tests glared back at me with proof that indeed I was pregnant with a baby.

I stood there for about 5 minutes and cried. I couldn't believe it. For 5 minutes of my life, I was the only one in the world that knew for sure that our life was going to be enhanced with a child. I slowly walked to the phone to call Daddy Brown. He had left the house at the same time I had headed out to get the tests. He was waiting for my call and when I dial his number, it barely rang once before he picked up. I said, "Well, you are going to be a Daddy!" Silence, as we both tried to process what was happening. We both giggled for a few minutes without saying any actual words. Then, he said, "You're going to be a Mama". There are several one liners that I remember clearly that Daddy Brown has spoken. "You're going to be a Mama", is by far one of my favorites.

I called the doctors office and to my surprise, I was only about 4 weeks pregnant. They would not see me until I was at least 7 weeks along. Daddy Brown and I made a pack. We would keep this a secret until we received confirmation from our doctor. That was the LONGEST 3 weeks we had ever experienced. We planned to tell our families the same day of our appointment. I arranged a lunchtime with both sides of our families for that afternoon. On October 1, 2006, we visited my obstestrican for our first sonogram. There he was, our little bean. We decided that we would call him, "Gus" as he was our fetus. We left the doctors office and with our first sonogram and Daddy Brown returned to work. I went to Kinko's and I made 2 copies of our sonogram. I went to walmart and bought 2 picture frames and placed the sonogram copies in the frames. I wrapped the frames and headed to meet our families for lunch.

We started with Gran Gran and Pops. We met at Daddy Brown's office where everyone was waiting for me to arrive. As we are talking and deciding on where to eat, I asked Daddy Brown to retrieve one of the bags from my car. He walked in with it and handed it to his mom. We stood back and waited with for their response. As Gran Gran pulled the frame from the bag, they both looked at it puzzled. Pops said, "Is that a frog?" Gran Gran said, "Is that a volcano?" Then all of a sudden like one of those pictures you stare at for long enough the real object appears and Gran Gran bursts out..."Is that a baby?" Grinning from ear to ear, we nodded. Tears, kisses, hugs and disbelief filled the room. They responded, "We just assumed you guys were not going to have kids." This was the response of most people we knew. We went to lunch, but Gran Gran and Pops barely touched their food. Utter disbelief and excitement swirled around us. It was so much fun.

With one side of the family in the know...off to yet another surprise luncheon. By chance, both of my sisters were available to come to lunch on an impromptu invitation with my parents. I brought the bag in with me this time and we all met at a local restaurant. As everyone was seated, I placed the little bag in the middle of the table. Both of my sisters looked at me immediately. I think I could tell, they knew what was about to come. My mom opened the bag and screeched. My dad didn't have a clue what was going on and was scared something had just happened. My mom yelled, "She is having a baby as she handed him the picture frame." Not knowing exactly what he was looking at or what he just heard, he exclaimed, "Are you alright?" Then my sisters jumped up from the chairs to hug me and said, "She is pregnant!" We all hugged and kissed each other. The waiter came to the table to take our order and my mom said with tears streaming down her face, "I'm sorry, you'll have to come back in a few minutes...my baby girl is pregnant!"

And so our journey began. I had an awesome pregnancy. I was sickly in my first trimester. I powered through and started a new job through my second trimester. We went to birthing classes and nursing classes. We shopped for the nursery, although it was not complete when the baby came home, because I knew he was going to stay in our room for several months. By the end of my third trimester, I was ready for my baby "Gus" to be born. He on the other hand, was nice and cozy inside his warm, dark and cushy home. I went past my due date and we finally agreed to schedule an induction. It was Friday, June 8, 2007 and we were scheduled to be there at 6a for the delivery of our son.

True to form, we both woke up late. As we drove to the hospital, I started to cry. I realized this was the last time we would drive in our car as a family of 2. From here on out, we were a family of 3. We arrived at the hospital at 6:30a and I remember walking in with another mom who was being induced that day. The difference was this was her SEVENTH baby. That's right...I said 7th. By the 7th child, I would think she could pretty much do it on her own, wouldn't you? Anyway, we registered and the nice elderly volunteer guided us to our room. I put on my gown and we waited. The nurse came in and gave me all the paperwork I'd need to complete. I explained I was going to try and do this naturally. She placed an IV line in my arm so the medicines to induce labor would be on board.

I began contracting pretty slowly and the pain threshold was tolerable. My doctor came in and broke my water. She had a full day of patients scheduled that day, but assured me if I needed her she would be there in a flash. As the morning went on I remember Tutu Nani, Papa and Aunt Apple coming to visit. Gran Gran and Pops stopped by too. All the while, I'm in control, labor is going well and things are moving along. About 4 1/2 hours into labor, things had kicked up quite nicely. I was laboring well but in a considerable amount of pain. Daddy Brown was the BEST DOULA around. He coached me, helped me breath, walked with me, rubbed on me and assured me I could continue on with our natural plan. As strange as it may sound, we labored just the two of us for most of the morning. The nurse would periodically come in to check on me, but in reality, the hospital was overrun with deliveries and they were stretched to the max.

Beginning with the 5 1/2 hour mark, I was in some serious pain. I remember Daddy Brown looking at the monitor that prints out the contraction. He would tell me when the contraction was beginning and when it was ending. At one point, there was not ending. It was a flat line at the top of that little paper which meant I was feeling no relief between contractions. I swayed, I knelt, I bent over, I breathed. I did everything I could remember to do. All of a sudden I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. As I sat on the toilet, I began really laboring hard. I remember thinking, "I don't know what is about to come out of me, but I sure hope it comes now!" The nurses aid came in to check on me and Daddy Brown had some concern. He said, "I'm not sure if this is right, I think we need somebody to come check on her." The aid ran out to get the charge nurse. The charge nurse ran in and said, "What's happening?" I said, "I'm trying to go to the bathroom!" She said, "Stop pushing, I need to check you, I think you are having the baby!"

For a split second, I had a relieving thought..."It's almost over, our baby is almost here." She checked me and said, "Help me get her to the bed so I can check her dilation." Now, if you have seen those baby shows on TLC and the nurse or doctors says they are going to check you, those women are OBVIOUSLY on drugs. When the nurse checked me, I could have crawled up the side of the wall in pain. As she checked me and as I'm in such pain this is what she says..."Well, I have some news for you. I know you want to do this naturally, however, you are only dilated to 5. Progressing the way you are, it will be at least another 3 hours until you are ready to have this baby." While I'm contracting and entering into my 6th hour of labor, she left the room for Daddy Brown and I to make a decision. I looked at Daddy Brown and said, "Will you think less of me if I get the drugs?" Tears filled his eyes as he looked at me and said, "Absolutely not. If you want to continue on, we will do it. If you want the drugs, we will do it. It is up to you...I'm here for you."

As the nurse came in, I cried and said, "I think I need the epidural." She called down for anesthesia and they entered the room within minutes. She held my upper body as the line was put into my spine and within minutes, I felt relief. I cried. This was not my birthing plan. God made our bodies to be able to hand childbirth. I knew there was supposed to be pain. I knew there should be distress, but I truly felt I had failed. As the nurse was getting ready to leave and saw that I was distraught, she asked, "Do you feel like you are a failure for getting the epidural? You can't, you lasted longer than anyone around here has in a long time. Now get some rest, you are going to have a baby soon." I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Now that I was properly sedated, the nurse began to speed up my induction. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have rolled the dice and not had the induction. Once she began speeding up my medication, it actually put the baby in distress. She told me if he continued to distress, I would have to have a C-section. This was yet another blow to me. Why? Because this was not what I wanted. Yes, I wanted a healthy baby, but not like this. Not with all of this medical intervention. She backed the medication down a few milligrams and everything went back to normal progression.

By 6:30p, I was fully dilated, fully descended and ready to have a baby. I remember my doctor came in and said, "Yep, you are ready to start pushing. I'll be back in 2 hours and we will have this baby." WHAT...2 hours? The Gary Coleman statement, "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?" came to mind. The nurse came in to help me push and stretch. She instructed Daddy Brown to hold 1 leg in the air and she would hold the other. She instructed me on the proper way to push. She sat down and we start talking in between pushing. I asked, "Why is the doctor coming back in 2 hours? Why am I not having the baby now?" She said, "Oh, well you see...when you have an epidural, you don't really know how hard you are pushing. Therefore, it takes you longer to have a baby." So, the next 2o minutes of me pushing was me pushing as HARD as I could possible imagine. And guess what...I was ready to have that baby. I think all nurses and doctors should tell mom's this. That might speed things up a bit.

Of course, now that I'm ready to have the baby, the doctor has stepped out to have dinner. About 8:30p, the doctor enters the room and the epidural is starting to wear off. I'm starting to feel the contractions and I start pushing all on my own. She walks and says, "Yep, she is going to have this baby. Scrubs are flying, parts of my bed are being removed, birthing equipment is zooming in position. As I started to push one of the nurse ran by and put her hand up. She said, "Stop pushing, the doctor is coming and you are going to push him out before she gets here to catch!" The doctor zoomed in on her wheelie chair and in position everyone stood. At 8:50p and two big pushes later, out came Big Brownie. As she lifted him up for me to see, the first words my son heard me say was..."Does he have a triple nipple?" (Um, Daddy Brown has a small triple nipple...but shhhh...don't tell him I told you.)

She slapped the surgical scissors in Daddy Brown's hand and said, "Cut the cord, but be careful, it can be a bit chewy!" Now...Daddy Brown had not decided yet if he was going to cut the cord or not. It had not be discussed or even asked prior to placing the surgical scissors in his hand. He remembers vividly not knowing exactly what to do for 2 seconds. Then, brave and without a hesitation, cut the cord of our son. As she placed Big Brownie in my arms, we cried. He was the most beautiful thing we had ever laid eyes on. He had 2 big dimples, a head full of jet black hair and the darkest brown eyes I had ever seen. He weighed in at 7lbs 12 oz. and 22 inches long. He was perfect.
Daddy Brown left the room to tell the others he was here. I tried my hand at nursing for the very first time and then everyone got to meet our first son. I remember the nurses encouraging us to use the nursery while we were there. That is until Big Brownie started to cry and was going to wake up the other 17 babies in the nursery. The lights were off and we were asleep. As the door opened, our screaming baby rolled into our room and the door closed quickly behind. I assume they only meant for us to get 1 hour of sleep. He was a challenging little fellow. He nursed every 45 minutes to an hour until he was at least 3 months old. After that, it was every 1-2 hours. He didn't like to eat food beginning when we introduced it. He only wanted his "Mommy milk" as we called it. I was nursing and pumping at least 20 ounces of mile a day.

Even though he was my high maintenance baby and every day felt like it was Groundhog Day, he is the absolute joy in my heart. He is the most loving and gentle child I've ever known. I know this is a very long post. Our first experience of becoming parents would warrant nothing less. I look at Big Brownie now and he looks so much like me, but has so many of his Dads mannerisms. He is such a good blend of the best parts of us both. I am blessed to be his mom. I can only thank the Lord every day that he picked me to be his mom and Daddy Brown to be his dad. With all my heart and all my breathe, I love you Big Brownie.

Live like we're dying...

Have you heard of Kris Allen? He is an American Idol contestant from a previous season. I don't watch the show and I don't know if he won, but I know he has a song that speaks to me. If you have not heard his song "Live like we're dying", you need to. It is such a powerful song. I added it to my play list to play while I'm running. I strategically place it towards the end of my run when I know I might be struggling.

I have a fever...a "running" fever that is. I find that I think about it all the time. I go to bed thinking about it. I wake up thinking about it. I have even had a wonderful dream about it. I can't express in words how excited I am to run. And you know what, I know it sounds insane and crazy. It seems weird when I say it. I am still the SLOWEST runner in the world I'm sure. I could absolutely care less. I am so excited that I can run and not be crippled by an old knee injury. I am so pumped that I can run even with this extra weight on my body. Weight that is starting to melt away before my eyes.

I am seeing results in Aunt Apple and Aunt Fudge. I can't even tell you how proud I am of both of them for starting the program and continuing on. Every time I run with either of them, my heart is bursting so much with joy that I could cry. Why? Because we are doing something. We are doing something for ourselves and for each other. We are doing it with each other and individually. I think that is why "Live like we're dying" speaks so much to me. I added it to this post so you could hear this song. Read the lyrics, listen to the song and see if it speaks to you too.

Thank you Lord for this day. Thank you Lord for these special women in my life. Thank you Lord for giving me the power to overpower myself and my will. Thank you Lord for being in me and by me in every step I take. Thank you Jesus for Daddy Brown. He encourages me every day. He keeps me going. He helps me to know I can do this. Everyday, I wake up to my best friend. I love you Lord Jesus! I love you Daddy Brown! I love you Aunt Apple! I love you Aunt Fudge! I love you Uncle Fudge and I love you Uncle Berry! You guys are continuing to give me strength. Could NOT and would NOT do it without each one of you!

Live Like We're Dying Lyrics

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying, oh...

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we left out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying, oh
Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying...

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying

Drinking the Kool-Aid, and loving it...

So, as you may or may not know, I'm participating in a 5K run in August. I've been following the "Couch to 5K" program. I have just completed week 4 and that means...I'm halfway there. When I started the program, I struggled BIG TIME! I still do. If you see me "running" you might just think it to be more of a "jog prance". I have all the right moves, but the speed, a little lack luster. That being said, now that I'm approaching week 5 in the program, I can now run for a straight 5 minutes. 4 weeks ago, I could barely run 1 minute. So, I am seeing the progress...and it is good.

I have others that will be running with me in my first 5K in August. Aunt Fudge, Uncle Fudge, Uncle Berry, Aunt Apple and of course, Daddy Brown. Can't believe that all these family members would be willing to sign on with me on my first big adventure. Uncle Fudge, Uncle Berry and Daddy Brown could basically go out and run a 5K at any point in time upon demand. They are all well conditioned and in very good shape. Aunt Fudge, Aunt Apple and I are working through the program. We are inspiring and encouraging each other all the way.

As I was running the past Saturday morning, I was pondering my experience thus far. I'll be completely honest, when I start to run, I feel like my legs are going to fall off. I feel like I'm going to die. As I continue on though, I feel a little bit more confident that I can do it. In the beginning my mind was filled with doubt. I was my worst enemy. My mind would tell me I couldn't do it. My mind would tell me to stop. My mind would tell me it was hopeless. So it was a great surprise as I am entering into week 5, my mind has changed all on its own. While running, my mind is telling me, you got this. It tells me, keep it up and you can go a little bit further. Sometimes it tells me to go faster. I still feel like it is possible I might die sometimes, but I know that I won't.

Entering into week 5, I will be running for 15 minutes with 2 walking breaks on day 1. I will be running 18 minutes with 2 walking breaks on day 2. And then on day 3, I will be running for 20 minutes with no breaks at all. That is the plan. That is exciting to me. My last successful attempt to run for a consistent 20 minutes or longer, was in my early 20's. I can't wait. I know I can do it...before I even get out there. I know I can do it because the Lord has blessed me to find something that I actually enjoy doing. I never knew how much joy I could receive from finding a program that works for me. I was so skeptical when I started this program. I have a bad knee, I'm overweight, I have had a tough time staying on the workout wagon. It would be easy to quit again. It would be easy to say, I don't have the time or I just don't want to today.

As I get closer to August 21st, I get more excited. As I complete another week, I get more giddy. As I see the changes happening in my body, I become ever thankful, ever grateful. Thankful not only for my progress, but for the others that this program is affecting change. Last week, Daddy Brown pushed the Brownies in the stroller and they all ran with me. As we were getting to the end and I was barely able to keep going, Daddy Brown whispered something to the Brownies. The next thing I heard was the Brownies yelling..."Go Mama, Go Mama!" and "You can do it, Go Mama!" It was great. Big Brownie asks me everyday that I get ready to run, "Mama, why are you running?" I tell him, "Mama needs to get healthy and exercise." He asks, "But why Mama?" I tell him, "Because I want to live a long, happy and healthy life with you." He usually says, "Ok Mama, go get healthy!"

As funny as it may sound, I have a rule when I run. NO TALKING...I lose my focus and concentration. I have never enjoyed running with others for the obvious reason, I'm self conscience of how I look and how I sound when I'm running. That is getting better as I am getting better. I imagine as I'm running, little ounces of yucky fat falling off my booty. Gross and funny at the same time I know. I feel so good when I complete the run each morning or each night that it helps me get through my day and I actually look forward to my next run. As of yesterday morning, I have lost 5 1/2 pounds since I started 4 1/2 weeks ago. Not bad...not bad at all!

Yep, I think I am not only drinking the kool-aid, I think I'm LOVING the kool-aid. Let me encourage you to get up and find your flavor of kool-aid. When you do, indulge yourself and make a difference in your life and the life of others.

Papa, Pops and Daddy...

I have written a post about my dad, Papa, back on his birthday. He means the absolute world to me. I believe that I was parented well by both of my parents. My dad has been an inspiration to me for each and every day of my life. I try to spend every chance I get with him, and we enjoy each other through laughter the most. He has a great laugh...a laugh that is contagious and hearty.

Daddy Brown's dad is also an awesome Dad. Pops and Daddy Brown work together and have for over 15 years. They are very similar creatures. Pops is funny and gracious all in the same note. He has the kindest spirit. When Pops is with his grandchildren, he literally lights up. The absolute best time to see Pops, is the quick moments I see him wrap his arms around Gran Gran or Aunt Fudge and even Daddy Brown. You can see the pure joy and happiness on his face. He doesn't have to say it, you can see the love in his eyes.

As Daddy Brown and I have children now, I get to see the love in his eyes too. The sweet and kind love for our babies. The precious love that I could only have dreamed of for our children. Firm when he has to be, but so soft and gentle. Daddy Brown enjoys the rowdy play with the Brownies. He enjoys the "backyard" adventures which include picking up frogs, catching lizards and catching bugs, just to name a few. They enjoy eating the "fun" foods when he is in charge. He would give his ever being to make them happy. He even has the magical power of healing a boo-boo with a kiss.

The Brownies ask for him on work days every morning. "Where is my Daddy?" is the question I get from Big Brownie as he enters the room. I remind him that he is at work. "But why, he wants me?" he asks as I try to explain it is Monday or Tuesday or so on. I finally began to explain why Daddy Brown goes to work..."Daddy goes to work so that he can provide us with food and gas for our car and other things like our home." Oh yes, Daddy Brown is a great provider of all things wonderful. He gives a tremendous amount of support, thoughtful in almost every action he makes, helpful with the housework and enjoys being with his family.

Happy Father's Day to 3 of the best Dad's in the world. The world is a better place because these three men exist. Each one different in their own right, but with one thing in common...they were blessed to be wonderful Dads. They continue to contribute to our lives and they are all role models. I'm blessed to know them and fortunate to love on them every day!

Big Brownie's 3rd Birthday Adventure...

I hope to start a new tradition of giving each of my boys a special day, hopefully more than just one a year, but especially around their birthday. A day that is separate from the birthday party and a day for them to do whatever their hearts delight, within reason of course. Tomorrow is Big Brownie's big day...he will be 3 years old. I can't believe it. My heart skips a beat when I think about how fast these 1,094 days have passed. In light of all the "Big Boy Changes" of late, I decided he and I needed a special Mother/Son day out. I asked Daddy Brown if he could hang with Little Brownie this past Saturday and Big Brownie and I set out to have an adventure together...just the two of us.

We started out a little later in the day than I had anticipated, so rather than having breakfast together, we had lunch. Lunch at Big Brownie's favorite restaurant...O'Charley's. He ordered a salad, chicken tenders, fries and lemonade. The waitress brought us our salad and rolls and Big Brownie dove in. Towards the end of the meal, she brought him his own special birthday dessert and he giggled as that was the most awesome thing in the world to him. He waved to other patrons, exclaiming, "I'm on a special adventure with my mom and I'm 3 years old." Several people stopped to wish him a Happy Birthday and that made him giggle even more.

We headed to one of our favorite spots these days...The Dollar Tree, to purchase a few goodies. Big Brownie picked out a hoola hoop (which I proudly and not to cleverly demonstrated the hoola hoop technique in the store), a big bubble hoop, a smiley face balloon and a strawberry shortcake ice cream popsicle. We ate our ice cream in the car and boy was that a mess. Next, We headed to the train tracks and train car just down the road to walk the tracks, pickup rock, look at the cows, play on the stationery train car and share the sunshine. Amazes me that we can have a full 2 hours of fun just talking, laughing, exploring, running and loving. We both had so much fun.

There was a huge cow...maybe a bull, it didn't have horns, oh I don't know. I do know that it was the biggest cow I had ever seen up close. Big Brownie and I went to the fence and perched to talk to the cow. The big "bull cow" ventured closer and closer...and closer to the fence. Big Brownie was so excited, he wanted to "pet him". However the closer the "bull cow" got, the more nervous I got. I kept thinking, "this rickety fence will not hold his 'bull cow' in if he decides to charge". So, once the cow got within 3 feet of the fence, we backed several feet away. As we were getting close to leaving, it started to sprinkle. So back to the train car we ran to climb on one last time under cover. Big Brownie got to take some pictures with my camera and boy, he snapped 50 pictures in a few minutes. He especially liked taking pictures of our car.

After the rain subsided, we went to the convenience store to get a drink and a snack. As this was Big Brownies special adventure day, I told him he could get 1 beverage and 1 snack. Out of all the junk food he could have chosen, without a fight from me, what does he choose? A yellow apple, 1 orange and a big water. WHO IS THIS CHILD? I was so proud of him. When he asked for both an apple and an orange, of course I said, "YES!" After a little hydration and snack, we headed to the playground to conclude our adventure. We played and played and played some more. The ball field was just feet away from the playground and before leaving...why not run around the bases for a HOME RUN? So, we did. The day was perfect. Big Brownie was allowed to snap off another 100 pictures on the short drive home from the park. He thought that was "COOL".

I'll admit, I teared up several times. For sure at O'Charley's when I looked down to see my son choose his meal and eat with very little assistance. As we ate together, he slid next to me in the booth and placed his hand on mine. I choked back tears as he looked up at me and said, "Mom, you are my best friend." I almost lost it at the train tracks when I remembered the pictures of my Big Brownie at 16 months old. Aunt Berry brought him there and took pictures of him walking down the tracks. How much he has grown. And on our way home, he thanked me for his special day. Oh me, 1,094 days and counting and our first Birthday Adventure is in the books.