Brown Family Sound Off

Just beautiful...

2012-01-29T07:44:00.001-06:00

I was surfing around the internet this morning and came across a picture. It is one that spoke to me because I haven't really seen anything like it. It is not often that a picture says so many words of comfort. In this one picture, I can find all I need to start my day. So...I thought I'd share it too. I pray you have a blessed day as well.

Mary and Joseph on FB...Merry Christmas

2011-12-22T12:44:00.001-06:00

Thankful...

2011-11-23T11:29:00.008-06:00

On the eve of Thanksgiving, I look around the house and reminisce of Thanksgivings past. Our first Thanksgiving with Big Brownie in 2007. It was COLD that day and we still had healthy Bubba and Sissy our boxers with us. It seemed so long ago, but also, it just seemed like yesterday. We hadn't yet had Little Brownie or Andy our newest 4 legged son. Big Brownies was dressed in a brown sweater suit with a matching hat. So adorable!

Then the following Thanksgiving...we had Little Brownie. Freshly born the month before, he was truly a blessing to our family. On the following Thanksgiving with 2 Brownies, I remember feeling thankful that we still had our Bubba and Sissy, although in a few short months, we would lose him to a brain tumor. And within a few months after, we lost our Sissy and added Andy to our family. We have so much to be thankful. We have health, we have a roof over our head and food in our bellies. We have hugs and smiles.

It is so fun to hear the Brownies talk about the things they love. Big Brownies favorite supper is a hamburger and queso cheese dip with chips. We call it Special Supper. The boys always ask, are we gonna put it in the green bowl and sit in the floor? We indeed use the same green bowl that was my Grandma for the "special supper", sit in the living room floor and gather around to eat. We usually watch something special or cool on t.v. and giggle most of the dinner away. Daddy Brown and I look at each other and smile knowing that this is our little family unit that we are so blessed to have. We giggle on a DAILY basis at the sayings and actions that seem so unbelievable and inconceivable that they have grown enough to comprehend such complex subjects. So thankful for the kindness the Brownies have in loving on each other and their friends. Big Brownie still asks on a weekly basis if there is a special seed in my belly...he really wants a sister!

So today as I look forward to yet another thankful Thanksgiving, I feel my life is a never ending flood of blessings. My heart is full today of joy and happiness. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Little Brownie is 3...

2011-10-07T03:07:00.001-05:00

Well...As of 3:07a this morning, our Little Brownie is officially 3 years old. Daddy Brown and I are so incredibly blessed to have our babies in our lives and to have a story to tell...well, makes it that much more fun to watch him play and sing. I posted our story on his first birthday here on our family blog and on that very day, I decided to share our audio of the 911 call of his birth. I only share it annually on his birthday, and if you are interested in our story, I've linked the post below. I still cry to this day when I remember the details and continue to listen to his birth often, especially on particularly trying days. I hope it is as much of a blessing to you, as he is to us.

On his 3rd birthday, Little Brownie is 100% potty trained. He enjoys "Bible School" a.k.a. Mother's Day Out 2 days a week. He speaks to you as if he himself is an adult. His favorite catch phrase at the moment is "Do you understand me?" He LOVES dinosaurs, especially T-Rex. He loves Thomas the Train, tractors, trucks and LOVES to ride his gator in the yard. He likes to play Super Hero with Big Brownie. He is the one that our dog Andy enjoys playing with the most, because Little Brownie is not afraid to get in the floor and wrestle with him. He sleeps in his own full-size bed and typically likes for Big Brownie to bunk up with him. Big Brownie almost every night prefers to bunk with him as well. He loves for his Daddy to play with him in the afternoon for "6 more minutes". He gives REAL kisses and hugs to most everyone and pretty much does not know a stranger. He enjoys the ladies for sure. He will team up with a girlfriend at the park he has never met and say, "Come on, let's go find bugs". And strangely enough, they follow him...because who wouldn't? He has a way of melting my heart at night after books have been read, songs have concluded and lights go out, by the way he whispers, "I love you Mama." And to wake up to, "Come on Mom, it's a beautiful day outside" come rain or shine. And the way he pronounces Mom sounds more like "MAAAWWWM"! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR LITTLE BROWNIE! We love you more than the air we breathe.

Our Miracle Here on Earth...

Catching Up...

2011-09-25T10:57:00.000-05:00

So, obviously I haven't been blogging much. Not because I haven't had a couple million favorite moments to share, but because our lives have been in fast forward for a while now. Some really fun and funny moments that I giggle about when no one is around or a kind word that is said between Brownies that make me tear up. So here are a few catching up moments from the last couple of months.

Big Brownie (BB), "Mom, did you know that God made aliens?" Me, "Really? Where are they and what do they do?" BB, "Well, they live in outerspace...AND, did you know that they eat in their left ear and poop out their right ear?"

Little Brownie (LB), "Can I please go ride outside on my gator? It's a beautiful sunny day, the grass is green and the sky is blue." As I looked down at him over my glasses contemplating whether or not we wanted to go outside in the windy gray of the day, LB looks up at me and says, "...and I prayed last night to God that you would say yes."

Big Brownie, "Wow mom, thank you for washing my Yoda underwear! Now I can be a true Jedi with Yoda fever!"

Little Brownie as he woke up one morning, "Mom, where is my dad?" I replied, "He is at work." LB says, "Oh, I need to go to work too so I can buy me a hundred dinosaurs to eat Andy up!"

I posted this one on facebook so I apologize for the duplication but this is one I want to remember FOREVER...

Big Brownie came downstairs and asked for a bedtime snack a few days ago. Previously at supper time a few hours earlier, he only ate 2 or 3 bites of his meal. I had explained that there would be no other food options that night if he didn't eat a little more of his supper. He agreed and declared his meal complete. So when he came and asked me for a bedtime snack, I reminded him that he couldn't have any food, just some water if he like. I turned and went into the other room. A few minutes pass and I hear Daddy Brown declare official bedtime. As they are going upstairs, I hear BB start to cough. I then hear Daddy Brown ask BB if he is ok and why is he coughing? BB says, "The dog food is yucky." You heard me correct, the child took dog food from the dog food bowl that had been half eaten from Andy and tried a handful of dog food. Indeed, the dog food is yucky!

Little Brownie has the best smile in the world. God gave him a natural cowlick in the front of his forehead that makes the best hair style ever. Because of these god given attributes, it is not uncommon for complete strangers to begin talking to him when we are in public. Last week while at the grocery, a nice old lady tapped him on the shoulder and told him, "You are the cutest little thing I've ever seen!" Normally, he grins and looks to me to see if it's ok to say something back. However on this particular day, he had been in a grumpy mood and without hesitation he grabs his shirt, balls his fists to the air and exclaims, "I'm not little...I'M A BIG LITTLE BOY! AND DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" Catching us both off guard he then looked at me as he knew I was unhappy with his response and said, "Do you forgive me?"

There are so many little stolen moments I'd love to share but then this post would go on and on and on. Hope to get back to blogging on a regular basis going forward.

My dad said...

2011-08-09T23:41:00.003-05:00

Every now and again, my sweet Big Brownie has a moment. A moment in which I find much clarity. Now that he is 4 years old, I have to remind myself that he is in fact...4 years old. He is taking on his "big brother" status with honor and valor. He proclaims to Little Brownie no less than 8 times a day that he is older and taller than Little Brownie. He takes joy in teaching him words, letters and numbers that "only big brother know". He takes great pride in caring for our Boxer Andy by feeding him in the morning and letting him outside. Big Brownie certainly understands the dynamics of his place in the family.

Sometimes, as parents our own words come back to bite us in the booty. Tonight for example, we arrived home well into the evening. I explained in the car that once we get home, we only have 15 minutes to play and then it would be bedtime. Both boys ran into the house wielding their Styrofoam swords, Spider-man wrists and wrestling holds. I reminded Big Brownie that in the car he wanted to play his new Wii...(thanks to our Tutu Nani). He said, "Oh mom, I am going to play Spider-Man with my brother instead. After the 15 minutes of play was complete, I told everyone to go upstairs and wash up for bedtime.

Begrudgingly the boys went upstairs. As the mumbled up the steps, Daddy Brown says to them, "You can play in the playroom until Mom comes upstairs." After about 2 minutes, Big Brownie yells down and said, "Hey Dad, I need your help with my Wii...I can't get it to turn on." I then explained, "You are supposed to be getting ready for bed, not playing your Wii". Which he then replied in quite an annoyed little tone, "Mom...MY DAD SAID, I could play until you came upstairs!" And there you have it folks. Like a paralegal checking the footnotes and correcting the judge...indeed, "My Dad said!"

How can he remember?

2011-07-16T08:30:00.004-05:00

Ever wonder..."How on earth could he remember that?" My Big Brownie is now 4 years old. Yesterday marked the 1 1/2 year anniversary that we put Bubba to rest to the DAY. I have been missing our Bubba and Sissy but haven't really said much except a few words to Daddy Brown.

Last night, we went to Publix and as we were leaving, the boys asked the counter clerk for a balloon. Big Brownie wanted purple, but settled for blue and Little Brownie, OF COURSE, wanted green. Because I knew our history of accidental release of the balloons in the past, I asked the clerk to tie the balloons to the boys arms so we could make it home. We successfully make it to the car with me, groceries, 2 Brownies and 2 balloons. As we are driving home, Big Brownie starts firing off questions left and right. "Why do balloons float?" "What happens if I let it go? "How high in the sky will it go?" "Could it make it to heaven?"

As we approach home, he says, "Mama, I would really like Bubba and Sissy to play with my balloon in heaven!" Tears filled my eyes and I said, "Oh Buddy, are you sure? You won't have a balloon to play with if you let it go." He said, "I know, I want my Bubba and Sissy to play with it and have lots of fun." I said, "Ok, do you want to say anything before you let it go?" He replied, "Yes, I wanna say (as he bowed his head) God, please let my balloon go into heaven so Bubba and Sissy can play with it. I miss them very much, but now I have Andy to play with." He kissed his balloon and we let it go. In amazement, he watched as it floated up and disappeared before our eyes in the pink, orange and blue sky of dusk.

How is it that he can remember them from a year and a half ago.? That would have made him just barely 2 1/2 years old. I am truly blessed to have 2 Brownies that care and love so generously and kindly. Afterward, as we walked up to the door Big Brownie said, "Mama, Bubba and Sissy were really cool dogs. We will get to see them again won't we?" I said, "Oh yes, because all dogs go to heaven!" He smiled big and gave me a huge hug and said, "I like you a lot Mama!" I said, "I like you a lot too!" He giggled and said, "I really do love you...and your pancakes!"

Will he or won't he...

2011-07-10T21:03:00.000-05:00

Well, in anticipation of Mother's Day Out (MDO) a.k.a. "Bible School" approaching in a little over a month, I'm trying to motivate Little Brownie to be potty trained. You see, the Mother's Day Out program we love only takes preschoolers who 1. are 3 years old by October 31st AND 2. completely potty trained.

The first one...in the bag, the second one...not so much. It's not because he doesn't know what to do or when to do it. He just chooses not too. Some days he will be 100% potty trained on number 1 and number 2 potty transactions. And then other days, he wants his diaper or pull-up. I try not to push to much, because I don't want him to have no interest at all. So, the question of the month...will he go to "bible school" or not? We will just have to wait and see.

Summer Days...

2011-06-23T22:15:00.003-05:00

We have had several big adventures in the past few months. It has definitely been exciting and tiring all in the same breath. Big Brownie turned 4 and we had an AWESOME Batman birthday bash. I'll post on it soon. We have been to several other birthday parties and we had a farewell to a dear friend. It's been an emotional roller coaster for sure. I have had so many posts come and go in my mind lately. Most of the time, I forget the funnies of the day by the time my head hits the pillow. But let me assure you, there are many. My boys are growing so fast and so big. My heart aches when I look at pictures of them from a baby to now. But my heart is also overflowing with hearty laughter and love in the same moment. I'm thankful for summer, where late nights and late morning are in abundance. When we can play in the rain and watch movies with popcorn and sprite. When we can just be together as a family. That is what I most love about these summer months. Forget the scorching hot days, I love the sweaty heads of my boys running until they can't run another step, to see them rest with peace and sing with joy. These are the blessed summer days of our lives.

Claiming victory...

2011-05-02T09:50:00.004-05:00

I have to make a confession. Last night, I was watching the "Celebrity Apprentice" at my mom's house when all of a sudden in a crucial part of the show, breaking news interrupted our show. I was irritated. Not just because I was missing my show, but more importantly, because the newscast was so eager to say that the President was going to make an important announcement, they couldn't hold the news for the President to ACTUALLY give the announcement. My initial reaction to the news was callus. I was irritated that the news reporter made the announcement before the President. Isn't he at least due that? Can we as a news hungry society not give the President a chance to make such an important announcement that the number 1 terriorist in the world has been captured and defeated?

I am proud to be an American. But this victory is not just justice for all the people that suffered from his many terrorist attacks, but a victory for our military and human nature all together. How many soliders have died trying to accomplish this task? How many American lives have been affected by this one individual? The numbers are staggering I'm sure. After seeing the President's speech again this morning, emotions well up inside of me. So many emotions. I wonder if the Navy Seals that pulled the trigger was a Christian. I wonder how I would react in that situation? I wonder how you take another man's life in that sense? Orders to kill a killer. Would you have time to pray for your mission and for the soul of the life you are going to take? There is something to be said for the most elite of teams that can do this kind of duty. I am thankful that there are people that are willing to go to war and to accept such missions. I am thankful to be free. I am thankful that I can write such a post, whether anyone reads it or not.

I dropped my mom off at the airport today for a 2 week trip. I couldn't help but think, "I wish she wasn't flying in an airplane on this day." I had a high level of fear when I kissed her goodbye. On the drive home, my mind was consumed with these fearful thoughts. I don't know what I would do without my mom. Could this terrorist change my world today with orders given in the event of his death? The answer is yes. However, I have to have faith. I know that my mom is saved and I find comfort in that. I can only pray over the flight and over my mom. I can only continue to have faith that she will have an uneventful and safe trip. In this day, I am claiming victory.

Theme Songs...

2011-04-30T23:03:00.003-05:00

Do you ever feel like life is wrapped around a song? There are times in my day that literally I sing songs fitting for my morning and I find myself singing them to get through the day. For example, I was having an especially special day with the Brownies and the song by DMX, "Y'all gon' make me lose my mind" continually played in my head. Then at night, as the last eyelash falls to rest and a quiet comes over the house, the theme song for the Rocky movies play in my head. You know the one when Rocky makes it up the steps and is victoriously pumping his fists in the air. Yep, that is the one. There are days that the song by the Shirelles, "Mama said there'd be days like this" feels like my Alma mater.

But then there are precious songs that fill my heart and mind. The song "Brotherly Love" by Earl Thomas Conley comes to mind when I see the boys being so kind to one another. When they are consoling each other or kissing a boo-boo when they think I'm not around. When I'm in a great mood, the boys are being good listeners, the dog is behaving and Daddy Brown is being the best husband/Dad in the whole wide world, the song is "I'm on the top of the world" by the Carpenters. When I see that Andy has broke free of the fence, which has happened once or twice, the song, "Who let the dogs out" begins to chime in my mind.

It really is funny when I think about it because I haven't really paid attention to it until now. I do it unconsciously as I make my way through the day. Here recently the song by Lindsey Ray, "Brand New Day" is my "get out of the bed" theme song. I'm a HUGE Watermark fan. So many of their songs are representative of my thoughts and feelings. My favorite at the moment is "My Heart, Your Home". It is awesome. If the boys and are in a dancing mood, we are going to be dancing to "I like to move it" by will.i.am. Sonic Floods, "I could sing of your love forever" is another random insertion of the day. And a moody day would not end appropriately if "Big girls don't cry" didn't come ringing through by Fergie. "Good Times, Bad Times" by Edie Brickel is another regular. While watching the Royal wedding this past week, the song by Eric Clapton, "Wonderful Tonight" and Colbie Caillat's song, "I Do", played in my mind.

Am I the only one that has this weird musical connection? Well, it could be worse. I could be singing rap songs...well, sometimes I do so there you go. What is your theme song of the day?

Fasting for Jesus!

2011-03-15T09:51:00.006-05:00

Ok so, here it is...I'm VEGAN! Say what? You heard me, I'm stepping out on faith and am in the process of completing a fast called...The Daniel Fast. This means, I am not eating meat, dairy, yeast, white flour, sugar, or honey and I'm not drinking beverages with caffeine, alcohol, milk, etc. This is a 21 day commitment. I can say that there are days I would chew my right arm off for a piece of chicken and a bit of ranch dressing on my salad, some cheese on a cracker or a large glass of milk. A dear friend and her family are also doing the fast and was the one that introduced this plan to me. She has her reasons for completing the fast and I have mine.

Of course there is the obvious benefit of losing a few pounds. Who wouldn't lose a bit of weight eating fruits, vegetables and whole grains all day? Slurping down tons of water and you are bound to drop a few pounds. Although preparing meals using fresh fruits and vegetables does take more time and planning than opening a box of hamburger helper. It allows me time to really think about the foods we eat. I have become an advanced label reader. I would say that before the fast, I was a novice label reader. I just glanced at the label to see how much of the bad stuff we were going to eat. Not really saying, "I choose not to eat this because it has a ton of sugars, dyes and additives that are bad for me and my family." But now, I have to read the labels to make sure that any of the restricted items don't appear on the label. It has been a real eye opener! For example, manufacturers don't even put what they are advertising on the front of the box. Something that has blueberries and says it is so healthy for you, in truth, has the tiniest bits of blueberry extracts in it and mostly, blue dyes to fake you out. Topped with a ton of processed sugar to make it sweet and you are fooled into thinking you are eating healthy.

This is secondary to the real reason for committing to this fast. The primary reasons are for Jesus. When was the last time I was so obedient to say, "In your honor God, I will do this!" It has been a while I hate to admit. Sure, I recommit myself everyday to walk in his path and to praise and worship him with my words and actions. This particular fast is spiritually based. You have daily devotions that are written out to help you with your daily quiet time. I have tried not to harp on the things I can't eat, but better to be encouraged that what I'm putting my body is not man made, it's not processed to death. It is of God. It is the gift of the whole foods and plants that he intended for us to eat. When I am hungry and I know that I'm not REALLY hungry, I pray to God to give me strength. When I'm tempted to eat something that I'm currently restricting, I pray again for God to give me strength. I really am depended on him to get me through the day when I'm weak. And that is just food. What about all the other things in my life that I try to handle all by myself. God is right there to help me and I have forgotten that in the past. My tendency has been to come to him and praise of the answers to prayers and blessings. Come to him when I'm in need of a major decision or someone is sick. But have failed to come to him on everyday issues, like food or smaller problems I face everyday. That is where I need focus. I need remembrance. I need to remember that he is there for me to praise for the little victories as well as the big. To come to when I'm upset of a cross word or a hurt feeling. He is there and it delights him when we come to him for praise, worship, wisdom and discernment.

I have prayed for God to strike the devil out of my head with all the temptations and thought of, "Just eat it, no one will know". But you and I both know there is one I can hide nothing from...God. I can't say that I haven't failed him once or twice in the fast. In the beginning, it was especially hard because I was in the habit of eating a snack with the boys or eating a bite after them at dinner. Just last night, I ate a bite of cheddar cheese. I felt awful about it afterwards because I felt like a failure and I immediately prayed for forgiveness. It just has made me more aware of how I need to be living for the Glory of God. Not for the satisfaction of man. I feel his grace on me this morning and I continue to pray for his guidance and unconditional love to cover me as I make it through this day too.

So, I'm fasting for Jesus. I'm especially happy that I've learned a lot about the foods we eat and how the marketplace continually comes up with ways to trick us into thinking we are eating healthy. I've learned a few cooking techniques and have several recipes that we will continue to enjoy after the fast because...THEY ARE THAT GOOD. I've learned the difference between "organic" marketing and "all-natural" marketing. I'm still in the process of learning all the lingo for processed and partially processed chemicals that are added to our foods to enhance the flavors and colors to make them more attracted and appealing. TO MAKE ME ADDICTED to them. This fast has been freeing for me to come off of the sugars and fats of our world today. No, I'm not going to be a vegan after the fast. I do enjoy and feel God has given us meat, dairy and yeast as a blessing to be enjoyed in moderation. But for now, I'm on day 13 and so happy that I've been able to make it to day 13.

Death comes unexpectedly...

2011-02-21T08:50:00.003-06:00

I remember as a child watching the movie Pollyanna. In the movie, there is a fire and brimstone preacher. One of his sermons in the movie was about how death comes unexpectedly. Thankfully, I never really felt the grasp of those words as I didn't experience much death as a child. But as I've gotten older, I've lost a few people in my life. I remember in my early teens, I lost a friend to suicide and that crushed my heart. Someone my own age was no longer with me and I couldn't understand it. In my early twenties, I lost a classmate that no one knew she was suffering with cancer all through high school. I've since lost my grandfather, Papaw, and that was very difficult to watch him deteriorate over a couple of years and Daddy Brown has lost his grandmother, Granny Brown recently as well.

Despite feeling the affects of death, it still doesn't prepare you when someone else you know dies unexpectedly. Someone that is close to your parents age and a dear friend of the family. Someone who is considered one of my dad's best friends. Someone that has been dotted in my life's fingerprint and who is gentle and kind. Someone that will be missed not just today, but everyday of our lives. Death does indeed come unexpectedly. It makes me wonder as a soul here on earth on borrowed time, what does this day have in store for me and my loved ones? As I stress about this and that, have I truly made the right choices for me and my boys and my family. Have I told everyone I know that I love them and do they feel it if I haven't had a chance in recent days?

Am I completing my path and plan the Lord has set for me? Am I doing what I'm called to do? Am I truly living each and every day like there is no tomorrow, or even as there might not be this afternoon? I think everyone, including myself, expects to live until our late 80's, 90's and maybe 100. I expect that I will see my boys graduate high school and college. I expect to see my boys get married and have children. I expect to see my Golden Anniversary with Daddy Brown. I expect a lot of things, but in honesty, I can't "expect" anything. Of all the promises the Lord has made to me, he has not promised me tomorrow. And to be even more honest, that hurts my heart and soul that I may miss some of those important milestones in the future.

All this to say, make sure when you put your head on your pillow tonight that there isn't some unrest or unsettled issues with loved ones. Make sure you haven't hurt someone's feeling with intention to do so. Make sure you have righted all the wrongs you are aware of. You never know when the last time you will see your loved ones, so make sure you have told them how you feel and most importantly, I love you. So, I could ramble on, but I'll conclude with this...Death can be unexpected, and can give the people left to live, a heartache and a severe amount of pain. But you can be saved and move on to live with our creator by simply asking him into your heart. Don't let this day end if you are not certain of your salvation. That is the only wonderful thing about death, is that you have an eternal life with our Heavenly Father. If you have a moment, will you please say a prayer for our family and the family of our friend that passed away this weekend?

Good Ole Fashion Fun...

2011-02-19T08:12:00.003-06:00

What a week it has been. We made it to both days of Mother's Day Out this week. No inclement weather or missed morning alarm. We had to take Little Brownie to the pediatrician this week as well for yet another Brownie ear infection. Booo! It helps that Little Brownie is communicating a lot more lately. He can now tell me, "It hurts...my ear, it hurts". Which helps tremendously as his words are becoming more clear and he is so excited that we can have a conversation. He is very concise with his decisions and makes quick decisions. "Yes", "No", "I don't want to", "I can do it", "Don't help me", "HELP ME", "Because..." are just a handful of the quick and direct answers you will get when asking Little Brownie anything throughout the day. He also makes quick food choices as well. "I want oatmeal", "I want sausage", "I want more gummies", "I want orange juice" are heard on a daily basis. And both Brownies are strong enough to open the refrigerator door now.

Yesterday before leaving to run errands and after we had breakfast, I took a really quick shower. Upon exiting the bathroom, Little Brownie was in my bed with ham and turkey eating. I asked him, "Where did you get that?" He responded, "I went downstairs, I opened the 'frig-derator' and got the meat". I said, "Aren't you supposed to ask permission before getting in the fridge?" He said, "Oh, I sorry Mommy. I didn't mean to. Please forgive me. And, may I have some meat?" Who can say no to that? He apologized, asked for forgiveness and then followed my direction. The original act was not in the right order, but he is only 2.

He is only 2. That amazes me, because honestly, the boys are so close in age I see them and expect more from them than just your average 2 and 3 year old. I find my self using big words for toddlers like, "initiative", "participation", "respectful" and "exemplary" just to name a few. I expect them to act like big boys and not babies. When I see an action in good favor, I try to describe it in adult terms and I'm not sure that is always a good thing. I do however, love to baby them as well, and I'm not sure that is a good thing either. Oh well, walking through the life as a parent, you are always second guessing yourself I guess.

So, this week has been a world wind of a week. Despite an ear infection and a couple of trips to replace a broken Jedi toy, I did some side work and one of my "clients" is my mom. She has a non-profit organization and I have worked for her for over 10 years. It doesn't require a ton of work, but a couple of days out of the month are dedicated to her. This was the week. The boys loved going to Tutu Nani's house and play, play, played as she and I worked. It's the ideal situation for me. To be able to work and provide some extra funds to the monthly household income AND have a place for my boys to play and nap and also provide little breaks of enjoying them as well.

Wednesday night, we were moving, work-wise, at a pretty strong clip. Before I knew it, the time was 11:30p and I was about 30 minutes from being done. Mom gave the boys a shower and we ended up spending the night. This was an adventure all by itself. The three of us, sleeping in one queen size bed. It was awesome. Despite Big Brownie sliding off the bed once in the middle of the night, Little Brownie did great...once he actually fell asleep. I loved laying between them, with my arms stretched out and both of them resting peacefully. It made me cry and it made me smile and it made me feel so grateful for the blessings. It was only the 2nd time that I've stayed at my parents house since I moved out to my own apartment when I was 20 years old. Laying there in my old house, in the middle of the night brought back a lot of wonderful memories for me.

Thursday afternoon we came home and enjoyed being back home with Daddy Brown. Yesterday, we picked up a few items at Target to donate to our local pregnancy center. I want to teach the boys to be good servants of our community. Doing some charitable things this Spring and Summer are on my agenda. As we were leaving and I was closing the hatch of my car, I realized my tag was OUT OF DATE! I never let that happen and I can only chalk it up to mommy-hood. I threw the boys in the car and drove 5 miles under the speed limit and bee-lined it to the county clerks office. I had no fewer than 3 police cars behind me on the journey across town, and Lord have mercy, I prayed they didn't look at my tag. I used my blinker, I stopped at all stop signs and I yielded to all yellow stop lights. I didn't want to give anyone a reason to stop me. We ran into the county clerks office and became legal again. Oh, thank you Jesus!

As we walked out, we noticed the hot dog vendor on the square. It was lunch time and we decided to eat on the square. 3 hot dogs, 3 bags of chips and 2 waters with 1 sprite. The gentleman running the hot dog stand was so kind to the boys. We sat on the green park bench just outside the county clerks office and enjoyed ourselves. Many people walking by spoke to the boys and they were excited to respond with, "Good Afternoon" or "Happy Friday". It was a blessing to see them all grown up with feet dangling off the side. We decided it was too late in the day to go home for naps, so what else could we do for the 1 hour we had before a play date/bible study at a friends house? PLAYGROUND! That's right, and there was no one there as school hadn't yet let out. We ran from this slide, to that swing and across those monkey bars. Big Brownie was up for most of the more challenging obstacles and I bravely spotted. They were giggling and laughing. "Watch me" and "Look at me Mommy" was yelled every 5-10 seconds. It was so much fun.

We ended our afternoon at our neighbors house for more fun with our friends, while us Mommy's enjoyed some adult conversation and bible study. It has been a great week. Even in the midst of Little Brownie's trip to the doctor, we still managed to have some fun. He is doing better and certainly getting out of the house for some good ole' fashion play, helped make him feel better as well.

Warm Brownies...

2011-01-20T02:15:00.005-06:00

This week has been mostly about me trying to get the house back in order, get caught up on the laundry and trying to get everyone back into some sort of schedule and groove. As you may or may not know, we are a very laid back, roll with the flow kind of family. One day we may wake up at 8 a.m. and the next, we may all wake up at 10 a.m. We just make the day work with what we are given. Now, the days we get up at 10 a.m., are usually a result of a day prior of no nap and late bedtime for one reason or another. Again..."roll with the flow kind of family"!

So, in trying my best to actually wake everyone up that hasn't rose on their own...(a.k.a. Little Brownie most of the time), I've tried to get everyone down for a decent nap and rouse again at a decent time in the afternoon. Then, I tried to play them to the max in the afternoon and put them to bed at a normal and reasonable time. Now, you have to know that I enjoy being up late at night. Case in point, this blog post is being created at 2:20 a.m. So, if my kids go to sleep late and we all sleep in a bit, that just means our day starts and ends at a different time than others. And frankly, I'm ok with it because it works in our family. I'm not stringent in that way. However, this week, I've tried to provide a little more structure since Big Brownie went back to school after another 2 weeks of being at home from the snow and then the MLK holiday.

Monday night, about 7:45 p.m., I told the boys that we needed to get into the bath and get ready for bed. Big Brownie said, "Mom, I'm really still clean from my bath last night." Little Brownie say, "Meeeee tooooo!" Big Brownie said, "And, I'd really like to have a special treat before we go to bed." Little Brownie said, "Meeeeee tooooo!" I said, "Well, we can have a special treat tomorrow, but right now, we need to get ready for bed." Big Brownie said, "Okay Mom, if you want, we will get in the bath." He and Little Brownie turned, with shoulders slumped, to go to the bathroom. All of sudden Little Brownie comes walking back with the cutest little smile. He looked up at me with bright eyes and whilst nodding his head up and down he said, "Mama, can we have a party with cupcakes?" Big Brownie turned and looked at me with a big O in his mouth and hands at the ready to clap. I looked down at them and said, "Yes, we can!" Those little stinkers convinced me as if there was a plot from the very beginning. They both jumped up and down. Clapping their hands with vigor and excitement.

You know what, I realize that I let them win. I realize that I should have stuck to my guns and continued with the bedtime routine I had been trying to maintain. But what is life without a few unexpected surprises. What is life without letting them feel a victory every once in a while. So, downstairs the whole gang marched to the kitchen. We retrieved all the ingredients and began to make our cupcakes. I did hold the frosting. A cupcake have enough sugar buzzing qualities of its own, to not add the additional hype of frosting. Within 20 minutes, cupcakes were baking and the boys could not hardly contain their excitement. They placed a step stool in front of the oven and watched as the cupcakes rose and became golden. They ran from one end of the living room back to the oven to check every 3o seconds or so. It was so much fun. An unexpected evening treat of not just yummy cupcakes, but warm Brownies too. The boys had their fill of golden cupcakes and a little bit more play, before they were fast asleep in their beds dreaming of adventures to come by 10 p.m. I'm happy for the 2 hours of additional Brownie fun that will hopefully be remembered for a lifetime.

Let's imagine...

2011-01-14T23:39:00.006-06:00

In case you missed it, apparently 49 of our blessed 50 United States of America saw snow this week. That blows my mind away. But, I'm a BIG KID at heart and love the snow. I love the winter. I think it is in most definitely my nature to cuddle up, snuggle up and love on those around me. Knowing that, I think colder weather gives me excuse to do those things more often. Snuggling up not just to the people around me, but in my favorite item as well. I have a favorite red sweater. It is a bit worn and tattered, but it is my favorite item to sleep in, go to the mailbox in, go to the store and yes, it has gone to church with me a couple of times over the years. That poor garment probably looks more of something you'd see denied at the Goodwill, but I love it. And when the weather is cold, I love nothing more than to put that sweater on and spread the love and cheer. Matter of fact, I went to bed 2 nights ago and got cold. My aforementioned favorite sweater was AWOL. I was up at 2:45a, scrounging around the house looking for it. Who would have thought I would have been a good girl and hung it up in the closet...WHAT? Why was it put away? Who knows, but crisis averted and I was able to rest well and warm in my comfy.

With the snow on the ground, Big Brownie's preschool closed all week and Daddy Brown staying home a couple of days to play in the snow with us, we have used our imagination to go on adventures you couldn't believe. Each morning, we have rose to a different place to explore. One morning we were on the moon. We were astronauts exploring the moon's surface for moon rocks (quilt batting). Another morning we woke to be at the zoo. Pancakes in the shapes of our favorite zoo animals and the chance to be and feed the giraffe, elephant and monkeys (a.k.a. our 1 year old boxer Andy, who by the way, is an awesome stand-in). We even had an adventure at the North pole. We enjoyed snow smoothies, snow eggs, snow cream and pet the reindeer.

What fun it has been to use our imagination to go places. Little Brownie is really expanding in this area. Last week, Big Brownie and I were having an imaginary picnic. He couldn't understand why we were eating sandwiches that didn't exist and drinking from cups that were shaped by our hands. He looked puzzled and finally said, "Where, where is the sandwich and what juice are you drinking?" Big Brownie said, "Here, take a sip of this?" Reaching out his hand, Little Brownie takes the imaginary cup and says, "Oh, Okay brother!" Since then, we have had imaginary birthday parties and BBQ's. Little Brownie is always responsible for going to the store to get the candles and the cake. I love to see such development before my eyes. To see the curiosity build, wheels in the mind work and finally, to see the light bulb come on and...they get it.

With all the big boy changes around here, there has been some changes in me. Today, I started a bible study with 2 very dear friends. I'll be honest, I don't usually do studies for a couple of reasons. One, I don't know the bible like I should and sometimes I feel incompetent or intimidated by those who do. Two, I have always had an issue with reading aloud. I remember when I was in elementary school and I stumbled on a word and the other kids giggled and smirked at me. And three, I cry when I openly pray. I feel so emotional, so exposed and raw before the most powerful being of all, our Father God. These were all reasons that have held me back for many years. However, when presented with this opportunity, I didn't have a second thought.

So, after our first study on Chapter 1 of "The Power of a Praying Parent", I have been processing the words all evening. Tonight as I put Big Brownie to bed, we normally recite our usual bedtime prayer..."Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take"...and then we usually proceed with thanking the Lord for our family and friends, etc. We pray same prayer every night. Tonight, I asked Big Brownie if he would pray WITH me. We sat in the bed holding each others hands and we just began to talk to God. In our prayer, I told God how much I love him and Big Brownie said, "Yes, I love you God this much!" and held his arms out wide. I told God how thankful I am for Big Brownie, and Big Brownie said, "I'm so thankful for my Mommy, my Daddy, my little brother and our reindeer dog Andy!" I told God how I hope he will help Big Brownie lead a life of love, faithfulness and Godly wisdom. And Big Brownie said, "Please help me to stay out of timeout tomorrow." I could go on, but the point is, while I'm learning to pray more effectively and directly for my boys, I haven't been giving them an opportunity to openly pray. I've been so focused on reciting words to give them a base, I haven't stepped back to see what planted seeds in them have began to grow. I was truly in awe of my Big Brownie. I know Little Brownie is not to that point yet, but I'm already thankful for my study in one day, that has opened my eyes to discover something new. I can only imagine what the next few weeks have in store for us, but as always, it will definitely be an adventure.

Jump-a-thon...

2011-01-04T06:04:00.008-06:00

Yesterday was the first day of the new year for us to actually leave the house. It has been an awesome week from Christmas to New Years to just lay low and hang out with each other. Going to bed late, sleeping in, naps on the couch, picnics in the living room floor and even wearing our pajamas all day long. Since I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old and we have officially hit the winter chill, I have to be a little creative with physical activity for my boys. Jumping has become one of our favorite activities and has helped to reduce the amount of Cabin Fever we have felt.

So, each evening we have a jump-a-thon! That's right, I let my children bounce off the walls, couches and chairs (supervised of course) until they are sweaty and silly. The laughter alone will make you smile. Taking turns gives us an opportunity to learn sharing and kindness. Jumping a certain distance is teaching them a bit about restraint and calculation of consequence. Jump to close...fall on your knees, jump to far...fall on your face. BUT, jump the right distance and you land on your feet. I am sure I'm fooling myself into believing this is actually "good" for them. However, with most things in our life, we just roll with it. So here are a few pictures that will make you wanna JUMP too.

Jumping like ROCK STARS!

Rolling on the floor and silly faces!

Time for a little wrestling...

Ending with some love and hugs...

I love these two Brownies!

Sunday Status....

2011-01-02T11:15:00.002-06:00

Happy New Year from The Brownies. We are excited to see what the new year holds for us and for you. We rang in the New Year in a quiet fashion. For the first time, Big Brownie had a sleepover here at our home. Cousin Peanut Butter Fudge came to spend New Year's Eve night with us. The boys played and played. We watched movies and ate popcorn. We had a real blast. Long about 9:00p, the boys started winding down and with much anticipated quiet abound, everyone was asleep and in their beds at 9:45p. It was great. I could not have asked for a better night from them all.

As much as there will be many resolutions to be made in the new year, we have had some pretty big milestones here at the end of the year. Little Brownie made a few decisions of his own. First, he decided he no longer wants his "baba" in the morning and evenings. This is a big one because even though he is over 2, he has enjoyed having a bottle when he wakes and when he goes to bed. My thought was that one day he would decide he didn't need it anymore and he did. Secondly, he no longer uses his "binkie". He went to sleep on day for nap-time and didn't ask for it. I waited by his door with binkie's in hand for when he would wake and request it. But he never did. So now, for the last week, he has been without a binkie. I ransacked the house in search of every hidden binkie I could find to put them away. Just today, he found one in the toy box in the playroom. He came downstairs smiling with binkie in his mouth. With a little push, he told the binkie goodbye and placed it on the counter.

And finally, the same day Little Brownie decided he didn't want his "Baba", he also took his diaper off. He brought it to me and said, "Mama, I don't want to any more!" He handed me the diaper and ran off. All the while saying, "Pee Pee in the Potty!" So, my Little Brownie isn't so little any more. He has been an eating machine. This morning for example, I made homemade biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs and sausage links. He ate almost everything on his plate. Within 15 minutes from leaving the table, he came to me and said, "Mama, can I have my oatmeal now?" So, he ate half a bowl of oats. Although he has many words in his vocabulary now, he still struggles sometimes communicating and it is very frustrating for him. Several of his words are similar and it can take me a few minutes for him to finally get his point across, but believe me, he gets his point across. He loves to give night-night kisses and hugs. He is gonna kiss you on the forehead and the cheek, and of course, on the lips. I praise God everyday for these little milestones and blessings as Little Brownie grows so abundantly. He will always be my miracle baby and he continues to bless me with little miracles everyday.

Big Brownie has been such a blessing. One day, he is going to make a special woman, a wonderful husband. He loves to help me clean up. He loves to help me do the laundry. He loves to help make supper. He is so thankful and grateful. He thanks me for cleaning his toilet and he thanks me for his meals. He is so precious. He has also decided he needs a sister. For the last two weeks, he has told me, "Mama, we need a baby." He proceeds to tell me, "Mama, do you know where you can get me a sister?" I asked, "Where?" He explains, "Can you please go get me a sister at the 'Sister' store?" This has brought many questions about where babies come from. I have explained that only God decides when we will have a baby and when he plants a special seed in my belly, he will decide if it will be a boy or a girl. He told me last night, "Can we trade little brothers in for little sisters?" We are still explaining the whole baby thing on a daily basis, however, I think it is so sweet that he loves all the babies around us. He loves to sing to them and rub them. He is a good Big Brother to Little Brownie...most of the time.

So, since it's the New Year, I feel I need to make a few resolutions. So here we go...

First, I'm gonna start back running. I haven't ran much through the holidays and I miss it. I've thankfully only gained 3 pounds since before Thanksgiving. Last year my goal was to lose 50 pounds. I lost 15 pounds total and gained 3 back.

So my second resolution is to lose 18 pounds this year. 50 seems like so much and if I hit it, that means I'm doing something extraordinary. I'll be ecstatic to lose my the 3 I gained over the holidays and 15 more.

For my third resolution, and I do understand that this might be a little tmi...too much information, however, I'm going to shave my legs at least twice a week through the winter months. Some things I just let go during the winter months and that is one of them. So, when I get in the shower and I'm going to spend a few extra minutes taking care of me.

My fourth resolution is to be a better wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend. To be a better wife is to take more time for just us, and be more understanding as a partner in life. To be a better mom is to have more patience and spend more time with them as individuals and to be a better example. To be a better daughter to my parents and to my in-laws, I want to invest myself in whole in their lives on a more regular basis and to be available to help and to listen. To be a better sister and sister-in-law by being a better listener and participate more in their lives. To be a better friend by continuing to live through the good, the bad and the ugly.

My final resolution is to be the best follower of Christ. I want to dedicate myself more to the study of the Bible. I am going to set aside more time everyday to be quiet and listen. Time needed to really listen to the word of God. I will fill my tank with the holy spirit everyday so that I can follow through with the above resolutions. I can't do any of these, to the best of my ability, if I don't give myself to him first. I realize this most important resolution should be the first resolution I have listed. But God is my real want and need no matter what order they are listed. I want to be closer to him. I need to be closer to him. Happy New Year to you all and I hope and pray many blessings to each of you. It is a new day to get up and do something special with your time. To do something extraordinary with you family and friends. AND to be the best you that you can be.

With Love, ~Mama Brown.

December to remember...

2010-12-26T20:45:00.001-06:00

Wow...I just realized I haven't made a single post this entire month of December. SAD, I know. Don't scold me, but we have been having so much Christmas fun that I haven't had a moment to take a deep breath...until now.

It's the day after Christmas and I sit here and think about all the wonderful adventures we have shared. This month has been like a dream. Much needed time spent with family and friends. Play dates for the boys and friendships deepened through sharing and understanding. Watching the sparkle in the eyes of my babes as they learn more and more about the reason for this particular holiday. Jesus! Singing carols and watching movies, talking about Baby Jesus as often as we can. Talking about Santa and the elves...and the discovery of the "naughty" list. Big Brownie attempted to place Little Brownie on the aforementioned list on several occasions.

We started this season with donating to the Goodwill. In anticipation of the abundance that was to come and we re-organized the playroom. Any toy that hadn't been played with was given to the Goodwill in hopes that others might find a Christmas gift for their little ones. We also shopped the Goodwill, as WE are also in a different place, day and time from just a few years back. We enjoyed laughing and tailgating at the local Christmas parade with family and friends. We enjoyed Friday play dates to put together gift bags for the homeless and enjoyed making cookies and singing songs. We had Breakfast with Santa and even went to a neighbors home where Santa and Ms. Claus came for a visit. We enjoyed the birthdays of a neighbor friend and of our Papa, and celebrated in the anniversaries of Tutu-Nani and Papa (No. 38), as well as Uncle and Aunt Berry (No. 17). We have had snow twice already this season and we even had a White Christmas...well, it snowed on Christmas but we didn't have much accumulation.

We had our "sisters" over for PLAY, PLAY, PLAY to allow their Mommy and Daddy to enjoy an evening out. We celebrated Christmas Eve "Eve" with my Grandmother and Aunt, Christmas Eve with my "In-Loves" and Christmas Day with my family. So now, I sit here at 8:30p taking a deep breath, drinking a warm cup of tea and basking in the quiet of my babies sleeping. The thought of getting to bed before midnight almost blows my mind away and the feeling of happiness that we have one more day tomorrow to share of Daddy Brown's Christmas vacation.

Yes, December has been a month of new memories. Love that has grown for so many and happiness that my babies had a wonder filled and blessed Christmas. I think all parents want to give memories of the season to their babes, as much as they want to give gifts. I would rather they remember us sitting and reading books and singing songs as opposed to what they opened on Christmas morning. I hope they remember snuggling up in one big bed to read as many books as we can, for as long as their eyes can stay open. I hope they remember falling asleep in my arms and hearing my voice, and feeling my breath as I kiss them good night. I hope they remember the love I have for them.

My love for them can never compare to the love our Father God in Heaven has for us. There is no comparison to his love. I can't imagine, as the sin-filled child that I am with the many times I fail him on a daily basis, that he continues to love me. And to love me abundantly. I am thankful for the opportunity of a new day. I remind myself when I am ready to pull my hair out with my boys, how many times the Good Lord wants to pull his hair out from me. It helps me to have grace and understanding. To know that my boys at times fail or walk a different path from my instruction and yet, I still love them. I still forgive them. And it makes me love them more. I pray for them on a minute by minute basis sometimes. I try to pray over them, with them and for them as often as I can. Yes, December is always a month of renewal for me. This season is used as a tool to help me teach my boys of the greatest gift. The gift of our Father, descending from heaven above and bringing with it eternal life ever after. Thank you God for your son Jesus. Thank you Father for your forgiveness and love. Thank you Father God for Daddy Brown, for Big Brownie, for Little Brownie and for our family that we share in life and love. Merry Christmas!

Superstar...

2010-11-29T12:48:00.004-06:00

Did you ever dream about being a superstar? When I was a little kid, I used to think I could sing better than anyone on the planet. I would ask my Grandparents if they would like me to "entertain" them. I sang in the car, in the bath, at school, in my room and most definitely in the store. My mom used to politely ask me to be quiet, so she could hear herself think. If I wasn't singing, I was talking. If I wasn't talking, I was humming. And guess what? My mom told me I would have a child one day that would do the exact same thing.

Her prediction was correct. Little Brownie and Big Brownie love to sing and talk and hum. They love to have a "sing-a-long" and bob their little heads up and down as we dance and sing our tunes. I recently put a CD player in the playroom so we can listen to music and books. Big Brownie requests I play music in the mornings. It is so precious to hear his little voice singing away and making his own words match the tune. Little Brownie is chiming in as well. The favorite of the week and/or year is Frosty the Snowman. Honestly, Little Brownie has been requesting and watching Frosty the Snowman all year long. We have literally burnt up our first Frosty DVD. I had to scour the stores last week to find a replacement, which was difficult because there are now several versions, prequels and sequels to the original.

The Brownies are my rock stars. At the end of the day, I feel much like my mom where I want to teach them how to play, "Quiet as a mouse". They really haven't mastered this game...AT ALL, but it is worth a try. So, back to my original question..."Did you ever dream of being a superstar?" I have felt like one many times over the last few weeks. If I get out of the house for a few hours without the Brownies, upon my return it is as if a superstar has walked through the door. "Mommy, Mommy!" says Little Brownie. "Mommy's home, you're back!", says Big Brownie. All followed with big hugs and big kisses. Walking in the house to hear their sweet voices and their feet pounding the floor as they get closer to me, is an enthusiasm I hope will continue through many years. It makes me feel good to know that I may not be a Superstar to most, but I am a Superstar to the most important.

Happy Anniversary...

2010-11-14T10:40:00.005-06:00

Today is our 12 year anniversary. It seems like yesterday, but it seems like forever. It is hard for me to remember a time before Daddy Brown was in my life. We dated for 4 years before we married and now, we have officially known each other for half of our life. But it is also hard to remember life before the Brownies were born, so that is just my mind putting priorities in place...I think. Life is harder now than it ever has been. Harder in that Daddy Brown and I have to work to find time with each other when it is just each other around. With Brownies literally running under foot, to be able to sit and just look at each other and laugh or talk or cry, those moments are cherished. To be able to take a breath of the same air while wrapping my arms around him, revitalizes my spirit.

Last night, Gran Gran and Pops took care of the boys overnight. It's been a while since we have had the opportunity to just be "me and you". We dropped off the boys and were just giddy at being in a car without car seats in the back. To drive to get gas and not have to worry about the boys getting fussy. To eat a meal without making it kid friendly by holding this and holding that...and to eat it all. To come home to a quiet house, not worry about what was on the television and to laugh. To laugh and talk without spelling words or mouthing phrases. To talk frankly and stay up as late as we wanted. To fall asleep next to the one I love without looking at the monitor to make sure I didn't hear a cough or wheeze or cry.

It is just as much work to make time for these moments with just each other, as it is with the Brownies. To look at Daddy Brown and be able to just be me. To be his wife and not the mother of his kids. I don't want 15 years to pass that we haven't looked at each other with love in our eyes, to laugh until we cry and talk until the sun comes up. Our big night didn't consist of much flare. We went shopping for Big Brownie a new pair of shoes. We went to Target and walked around aimlessly in area's of the store that we normally don't get to go because we are running in and out, trying to avoid the toy department and holiday areas if possible. We held each others hand without having a little Brownie hand in between. Daddy Brown was able to wrap his arms around me while were in the checking out line, and I miss that. I miss being about to show a little "PDA" with Daddy Brown. To have him brush my hair back to see my face or give me a love pat on the rear when I walk by. Yes, it was a great night to be just me and Daddy Brown. Thanking Jesus today that I have Daddy Brown in my life. That we have 2 Brownies to raise and we have a loving and caring family to share it with. Hug, Kiss, Laugh, Talk, Hold, Cry and Look at the one you love today. You don't have to do all of these at one time, but make sure you at least do one every day.

Friday Funny...

2010-11-12T10:17:00.004-06:00

I could not let this day go by without sharing a few funny words from Big Brownie. Last night, Daddy Brown made a deal with Big Brownie. If he slept in his bed all night and didn't come out, he could sleep with a toy gun. Daddy Brown said his eyes lit up and he was excited sleeping with his toy gun. This is not a deal that I would have made, since I don't really know how I feel about toy guns just yet. Anyway, at about 5:30a this morning I heard him screaming in his bed. I jumped up and ran into his room. I asked what was wrong and he had lost his toy gun and was upset. I searched feverishly in the blankets and pulled out his toy gun and he literally fell over back to sleep. I laid down beside him and watched him sleep.

About 8:15a, I woke up and had fallen asleep in the bed with Big Brownie. He was staring at me and smiled when I opened my eyes. Not only was he coveting his toy gun, but in the midst of all the covers that lay upon his full size bed, a binkie had been found and was in his mouth! I asked him, "Where did you get that binkie?" He said, "I just hide it under my pillow and the binkie fairy is gonna come get it and bring me a dollar." I said, "Oh, I didn't know that there was a binkie fairy?" He said, "Oh yea, she is gonna give me a dollar for my binkie and I'm gonna buy me something." I said, "What are you gonna buy?" He said, "Well, if the tooth fairy comes with the binkie fairy, then I will get 2 dollars and I can buy a whole bunch more binkies and get a whole bunch more dollars." OH MY GOODNESS! Where did this child come from and where did he get that pearl of wisdom!

I've got a big day today, so I've got to get moving. However, I will share again soon, I just didn't want this funny to get lost in my brain forever. Happy Friday!

Just the two of us...

2010-10-29T14:10:00.000-05:00

After feeling at the bottom of the barrel yesterday, I'm feeling rejuvenated today. Daddy Brown came in yesterday afternoon and I'm pretty sure he could tell I was feeling down. He stepped right in and helped me with dinner. I did make my pumpkin soup in pumpkin bread bowls with pork tenderloin and green beans. Of course, we didn't eat supper until around 7:30p, but I felt a sense of accomplishment. Daddy Brown took charge of the boys and I was able to do what I love to do...cook and bake. It was delicious if I do say so myself. You might scrunch your nose up to the thought of pumpkin soup, but honestly, the whole family lapped it up and Daddy Brown went in for a second bowl. That says a lot for Daddy Brown to have seconds.

With bellies full and everyone in a calm mood, I ran to the store, (by myself) to get milk and a few other items. Bathtime and bedtime followed shortly. As Daddy Brown concluded watching the 2nd game of the World Series, he came to bed. We cuddled and snuggled up together and drifted off to sleep. Big Brownie made his way to our room at 5:55a. I swooped him up into our bed in between us and Andy followed suit. All that was missing was Little Brownie, but I wasn't about to wake him up to join us.

About 6:30a, I nudged Daddy Brown and asked if he wouldn't mind if I went for a run. I have a 5k run tomorrow morning that I have not prepared well for. Honestly, my running shoes haven't hit the pavement in about 3 weeks. I needed to knock the cobwebs off the legs and see if I could run for more than a minute. It was COLD. Say about 39 degrees COLD. I put my warm wear on and laced up my shoes. To my surprise, I didn't do as bad as I had expected. I ran for 14 minutes and took a 1 minute break, then ran for another 5 minutes. I think I could have ran a bit longer but needed to get back home so Daddy Brown could go to work. It felt good. I think I've missed the high of adrenaline that I feel when I get out and run. I miss how invigorated I feel when I do. We will see how well I do tomorrow and I'll post some pictures.

After returning home, I enjoyed a cup of coffee and a bagel as I checked my email. It was nice to actually have breakfast and to finish it all by myself. It was awesome having a few extra minutes with Daddy Brown, without the Brownies under our feet, to share a few words, hugs and kisses. I need to do better at making time for just us. Our anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks. It always reminds me that the Brownies originally started with just the two of us. No matter what kind of day falls in my lap, at the end of the day, I have Daddy Brown to help pick me up and support me. I need to do a better job at picking him up and supporting him. Today, I'm feeling a renewed strength. A renewed love and patience. Who knows how I'll feel this afternoon or this evening, but for now, I'm content. Content in knowing that through my ups and downs, I have my family to lean on.

Laugh or Cry?

2010-10-28T17:35:00.002-05:00

So...I must get back to blogging. Why you ask? Because if I don't by the end of most days, I have a choice. Do I laugh about my day or do I cry? I choose laughter most days, but here recently, the tears have come so easily. To share with you the funnies, helps me remember them on days like today that I could ball up into the fetal position and find pity all around.

I woke this morning with what appeared to be an ample amount of sleep in my tank. We started our day enjoying a Disney feature called "Spookley". I decided I'd throw a couple of ingredients together to see if I could make a less complicated version of Spiced Pumpkin pancakes. It worked. I got out my Halloween pancake molds and the boys chose a pumpkin and a bat as their pancake shape of choice. As we are eating our holiday breakfast, Andy, the now 60 pound boxer, is seating patiently at their feet. I turned my back to grab everyone a drink and I hear, "Andy likes pancakes too!" As I turned around to see what was happening, Little Brownie was giving Andy a bite...from his fork. I just kinda stood for a second processing the kindness Little Brownie was giving to his dog, but also in utter disgust as I watched Little Brownie lick the fork after Andy was done. Andy got to go outside for the remainder for breakfast.

Once we concluded our meal, Andy does get to have the left overs. I welcomed him back into the house and gave him his expectant plate. The boys and I went upstairs to change clothes, but another moment of forgetfulness allowed me to leave the kitchen without checking for any objects that Andy might swipe from the counter tops. Upon my return to the downstairs, Andy was not waiting for me at the bottom of the steps in his usual spot. I panicked and ran into the living room. 1 whole stick of softened butter was being eating and licked into the carpet. YUCK!

Our day continued with some playroom organizing and cleanup. It was actually Big Brownies idea. We sat in the floor and the boys were my runners to different areas of the room. Boxes organized as "Trains", "Cars", "Animals and People", "Blocks"...you get the idea. This is a great way for me to see what they still have attachments to as far as their toys and what they have grown out of to be gifted or packed away. We played and enjoyed the morning with each other until we found a treasure. A semi-truck that holds match-box cars...hasn't been played with in over 6 months I'm sure, was the focus of EVERYBODY's attention. Big Brownie explained to Little Brownie that this was for big boys and he was not 3 so he couldn't play with it. Little Brownie has a meltdown and so it began.

After some counseling and love from each brother to one another, it was lunchtime. We had grilled cheese sandwiches in the shape of...what else...pumpkins and owls with a side of chips and banana. As we finished lunch and headed to nap time, Big Brownie decides he wants to watch a movie while I put Little Brownie down in his room. I declined the request, but explained he could lay in my bed and watch Nick Jr. until I returned. He agreed. I get Little Brownie asleep and in his bed and began singing to Big Brownie. Off to sleep he went and I had a moment of Ahhhhh. It felt good to have the house quiet. Time for me to get a shower and maybe a cup of tea.

Well, 12 minutes people. 12 minutes and I hear Big Brownie's feet hit the floor. In hopes that he was just getting up to tinkle I stood quiet and followed his footsteps above me as he went to the bathroom. A few seconds later, his footsteps approached the doorway as opposed to the bed. I attempted to put him back in bed but to no avail. It just wasn't happened. To keep what little sanity I had left, I let him watch a DVD while I showered and we came downstairs for some much needed cuddling. Little Brownie didn't sleep more than an hour and he was up calling my name.

Downstairs we all come to begin the afternoon push until Daddy Brown gets home. Pumpkin Soup in Pumpkin Bread bowls with a side of pork tenderloin and green beans is on the entree menu tonight. Dessert includes candy corn shaped sugar cookies dipped in chocolate to be enjoyed with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Big aspiration I have for a Mama with a preschooler and a toddler on my hands. I'd like to say my afternoon has been successful, however, I found myself giving out turkey sandwich halves and chips for a snack as my "Pumpkin Bread Bowls" are proofing on my desktop in the sunlight. Little Brownie has been on edge since he woke up and I find myself getting a whiff of a stinky diaper as he runs past me. Big Brownie decided he wants to play with some play dough. I was agreeable until I found him in the corner with a pair of scissors cutting his plastic pumpkin to pieces.

It is my hopes as Daddy Brown appears any minute in my view that my insanity level with come down a few notches. Having the knight in shining armor arrive to save the day and give me aid is sometimes the highlight of my day. The goals for the night...pumpkin soup in white glass bowls with a side of "I haven't figured it out yet", bathtime, evening playtime, maybe a movie with popcorn and finally bedtime. Hopefully one that ends with laughter and not tears.

Oh the days of yester-year...

2010-10-27T14:26:00.005-05:00

I got a real giggle today. I met with an old friend at lunch. He has asked me to do some accounting work for him, so technically this was a business meeting. As I got out of the "family truckster", I was holding Little Brownies hand and walking to the restaurant. I was rocking my mommy jeans, clearance t-shirt and flip flops. On my arm, I was carrying our "Day out with Thomas" bag that holds everything from diapers and wipes, trains, cars, to my notepad, "SOP's" and binder full of my friend's information...and I smiled. Just 4 short years ago, that Mama Brown from yester-year would have been sporting a suit, high heel shoes and a leather bound portfolio of information. There would have been makeup on my face and my hair would have been fixed in a bun or french twist and sprayed to perfection.

What a difference a few years will make when priorities have shifted. The Mama Brown of today is still just as smart as I was before, although most days I question that previous statement. But today, my thoughts are always of my boys. When making the appointment and choosing a restaurant...it had to be kid friendly. I needed crayons and coloring pages provided, a booster seat was a must and a kids menu with our favorite grilled chicken and beans to order. An atmosphere that was conducive to my goals of discussing his needs and going through his priorities, while keeping Little Brownie occupied and entertained.

It was a success. Thankfully, my friend knew me back in the day. He has confidence and understanding to my situation of being a stay-at-home Mama, but still trusts that I can help him meet his needs and goals in the process. As we were leaving our successful business lunch, a stop in the gift shop to play with toys and sitting in rocking chairs while playing checkers were all objectives that we achieved. Could life be any better to be able to have my cake and eat it too? I am extremely thankful for every blessing that the Good Lord has afforded us. And I'm continually grateful of the many blessing he continues to provide.

Heartbeats...

2010-10-15T21:14:00.000-05:00

I've had this post in me for a while. One that I have ran through my head and my heart over and over again. I think partly because I've been hugging and loving on my boys...all three, for the last couple of weeks for a number of reasons. We have all been sick. Most recently, Daddy Brown has pneumonia. The Brownies have been coughing and sneezing and just about anything else you can think of from fever to diarrhea. We've had milestones from birthday parties to Mother's Day Out. It's been a real eye opener for me to see my boys grow and participate in the joys and sorrows of being siblings and friends.

I still can't believe we have a 3 year old and a 2 year old...TODDLERS. Where did our babies go? I remember when Big Brownie was just a heartbeat at 7 weeks old on the ultrasound at the doctors office. Our little "Gus" as we called him in the womb. And I remember the little heartbeat of Little Brownie "Pete" at 8 weeks. The two most precious, tearful moments of seeing a heartbeat. A beat that was consistent and strong. As you may have read Little Brownies birth story by now, there will always be a special bond between us. I tried putting him on my chest in the same position as I remember him just after he was born and Daddy Brown opened my car door. Little legs so long and slinder hang below my own. Arms that wrap around my neck and words like...BIG HUG and BIG KIPS...it hurts.

Little Brownie is still peacefully sleeping in his crib at night. He has a projection mobile that has 3 different sound buttons that over the last few months, he has began to explore the different sounds. He also has a sound machine separately in his room that up until a few months ago, always played the steady, peaceful sounds of rainfall. Since Little Brownie has figured out he can actually push the different buttons, he has realized he has options. Out of all the options he has to choose, his choice every night is the same...the sound of a heartbeat. I've read that young babies like the sound of a heartbeat for soothing effects and remembering of their cozy, warm place inside the safety of their Mommy's womb. The sound of a heartbeat to a baby is the steady sound as he grows and before he ever understands a word or other sounds from his Mom or Dad. Could it be that Little Brownie still finds comfort and safety in hearing the sounds of a heartbeat all night long as he sleeps? I like to think so and it gives me great comfort as well. The first sign of life in the womb...a heartbeat.

Little Brownie is 2...

2010-10-07T03:07:00.003-05:00

Well, our Little Brownie is officially 2 years old and it truly hurts my heart. If there were not several fresh babies around me to snuggle, I would be in FULL-ON baby mode. As I have spent the last couple of hours looking over pictures from the past year, I have teared up many times. My throat has swelled with emotion as I have seen what time can do. I have seen in 2 short years, a baby grow into a toddler. A toddler with so much spunk, it will make your head spin.

In keeping with my new tradition of having a "mother-son" day, Little Brownie and I ventured to a local indoor tree-house. We played with trains, cars, dinosaurs, climbed tree houses and colored. We played on a stage, colored with markers, jumped around in a ball pit and oh so much more. Little Brownie was in complete, earth-shattering bliss. Making sure that everyone was sharing, he barked orders at the other children as if they were part of his own family. We enjoyed ourselves to the max.

As I was rocking my Little Brownie to sleep tonight, I remembered what I was doing at the exact time 2 years ago. It brought back so many memories of his quick and exciting arrival. As I did last year, I am sharing my experience for 1 day. Today, on my Little Brownie's special day, you can hear the audio of the 911 delivery. In a post to come, you'll see updated pictures of our recent adventures. I'm just too tired to update the video from last year. Please enjoy and may it bring a smile to you. If you'd like to read his story as well, you may click here to see the post from last year. I'll admit that I've re-read it several times over the last couple of days. It brings so many memories and emotions back to the surface. I forget the little details as time moves forward. I'm still in awe that I was blessed with a safe delivery of our son...and blessed with the experience.

My thoughts...

2010-10-03T19:06:00.000-05:00

I've kinda been on a blogging break. Not that there hasn't been plenty of funnies and laughs around the Brown house, I've just been putting my efforts and energy to other more important tasks in our home and with our boys. However, today, I read a post about the pro-life/pro-choice controversy from an old friend on her blog that got me thinking. Thinking enough that I felt I needed to put my words down for my boys to know and understand why I believe the way I do. I am...Pro-life. I believe that a baby is a baby from the moment it is conceived. I believe that each conception is a miracle, no matter what circumstance the baby was conceived. Some babies are conceived under the worst circumstances and I do understand that some women have to make a choice about what side of the fence they sit when they are put in that situation. I will admit that I have never been in that situation. However, most of the people that believe one way or another, are also not and/or have not been in that situation either.

I believe the Bible is my guide and instruction book of life. The life of a Christian is a very narrow path and at times and uncomfortable path. There are a lot of lessons to be learned, but there are also a lot of lessons to be taught. Jesus Christ was teacher. Being that he is the son of God, he could have lived a "King's" life here on earth. He could have cleaned house and rid the world of evil. The Lord our father could appear at this moment and make all things anew...again...Remember the Great Flood? But our father had another plan. Making things anew didn't give us the pain factor. I came up with that one all on my own. The pain factor in my brain is the consequence of our actions. God gave us free will. He gives us the ability to believe what we choose and make our own decisions. And then, he walks with us as we suffer or rejoice in the consequence of those decision.

Do I think he condones Abortion? No. Do I think he gives special circumstances a second look if a baby is conceived in an unthinkable manner? No. Do I think that the Lord our God would want me to terminate my child in the womb because my life is in danger? No. When I look at the face of my children, what circumstance would have made me make the decision to terminate him? My answer? None. There is no circumstance or situation that would have made it ok for me to have terminated my baby. I would lay down my life for my baby, before they were born and after. Because I believe that a baby is a baby from the moment it is conceived, in my mind abortion is murder. It is killing a living being whether it is inside of my body or lying asleep in his crib. God is very clear that murder is a sin and that it is an unacceptable act. So, I am going to go out on a limb here and say what other people may not be willing to say today in this politically correct world we live...I am against abortion. I am not just pro-life and I am anti-death. I do not believe a woman has the right to choose to kill and I do not believe the government should make doctors kill unborn babies at a mother's request. I do not believe that the government should condone the killing of unborn babies either. There it is. That is how I feel. Right or wrong to most women I know who are pro-choice. However, I do not believe in it.

My friend that wrote the post on her blog that has had me thinking today mentioned an anti-abortion rally in front of the steps of a church. It really got under her skin and she viewed it very much as a judgment of those doctors who chose to perform abortions and those who chose to abort their babies. My response is this...I believe that anti-abortion rallies should be given the same respect as all the other rallies for which I do not agree with in one way or another. Gay and Lesbian rallies for instance. I do not believe that being a gay or lesbian is in concordance with the laws and guidance of the Bible. If I believe that my path is narrow and my faith is the only golden ticket to my salvation, then it is not a judgment I make in saying abortion is an act against God's path. Here is part of her post, "Did God come down and empower you to judge others? Did you wake up this morning with some omniscience that makes you able to make broad, unqualified judgments? Are you so perfect that you can stand publicly and cast stones at others? Is your world so black and white as to leave no room for extenuating circumstances?"

My answer is simple, yes. My world is black and white and doesn't leave room for extenuating circumstances. No, God didn't empower me or anyone for that matter to judge others. He did however, give me a book that tells me that abortion is wrong. It's not a judgment if I make a statement that the grass is green and the sky is blue. It is what I know to be true. So when asked, "Who the #%@* do you think you are?" My answer is this...I am a child of God. I am an imperfect Christian and God loves me. I live life on a narrow path of faith and I believe that faith is my doorway to heaven. I believe you have the ability to be saved at most any age and time in your life. Forgiveness of each and every sin, big or small is the gift he promises when we take a wider path and may a choice to follow our own path or divert from his word. God's love is great and abundant. And God is the creator and giver of forgiveness. I have a friend that in her early 20's, she had 2 abortions. She admits now that she is in her late 30's, she is very regretful. A day doesn't go by that she doesn't think about the babies that could have been. She now has a beautiful boy and she is grateful for the miracle of his life. She considers herself a born-again pro-lifer. I believe that rallies, like the one my friend experienced today, should continue to take place as much as all the other rallies that are allowed and permitted in our world today.

The phrase, "What would Jesus Do?" is used all the time from people who are Christians as I way to reflect and a way to make decisions in life. It is a reminder about how we are supposed to be living our lives as living, breathing versions of him. Unbelievers like to use it as a way to say we are being "Un-Christ-Like" because we are not loving the sins of others. God doesn't give us the right to judge. He gives us the book for which we are to teach, love and witness to those that are not on the narrow path. It is my hopes that anyone who is reading this can see that being a Christian is not a punchline. Life is not easy being a Christian in today's world. The easy path isn't always the right path. These are just my thoughts and beliefs. I want my boys to understand many years from now that my actions in life are based on the Bible and it is my prayers now for them as they grow, that they will be men of God. That they will live life on a narrow path and that they will be saved by accepting Jesus into their heart. Are you finding that you are in a place in your life that you are uncertain about your salvation? Faith and believing that God our father is your savior, accepting him into your heart as such, you too can be saved. I hope that my post is as thought provoking as my friends. You can read her full post here. There are a few curse words, so please don't allow your young ones to read.

Can I get a "Choo-Choo"...

2010-09-09T16:15:00.000-05:00

For about 2 weeks now, we have been everything "Thomas the Train" that we can see, hear, play and wear. Last weekend, we rode on a train car in the big city that Thomas was pulling. Tutu Nani joined us for our big adventure. I can say that the boys have not stopped talking about the trip and I've officially learned just about all the accompanying train car's names as well. Aside from our favorite...Thomas, we also LOVE Percy. In fact, there may be an all out brawl in the floor over Percy. What it is about that little green train, I haven't a clue. Maybe it's the fact that even though we have 3 "Percy" train cars, we usually can only scare up 1 at a time. Or maybe it is the fact that he is green? Or MAYBE it is the fact that Percy seems to be Big Brownie's favorite and Little Brownie has picked up on this invaluable piece of information.

We have also enjoyed some much needed down-time and family time. I had a birthday last week and I'm officially as old as Daddy Brown...again, for the 34th time. We started the day with "Blue" Blueberry pancakes, "Green" eggs, "Yellow" bananas and "Orange" juice. The boys sang to me over and over all day long. We visited with my grandmother as she was recovering from cataract surgery and ended the day with Daddy Brown splurging with a grilled steak and potato dinner cooked lovingly over the charcoal grill. I even got to sneak away to Target...BY MYSELF! Which is about the best present one can receive these days. We enjoyed birthday candles, cake and ice cream. It was the best number 34 birthday I could have imagined.

Big Brownie is still LOVING Mother's Day Out and for the first time since he has been attending, he didn't cry for me before rest time. Praise Be! My boy is growing up. Ever the protector and ever the kind soul that he is. He always seems to know the right words to say at the exact moment I need to hear them. Today for example, there was an incident in the living room. Little Brownie poured his grape juice on the carpet...on purpose. To keep from exploding a world of discipline, I took a deep breathe, place Little Brownie in time-out and retrieved a towel to clean the mess. While steam is bellowing from my ears and all I can think about is..."Well, I'm gonna get to clean the carpets again tonight at midnight..." Big Brownie looks up at me and says, "Mama, don't be upset, I will help you clean it up." And then he proceeds to say as he hands me my cell phone, "Mama, I need to make a phone call. I need to call my dad and tell him we need a new house." Just exactly the smile that I needed.

Of course, Little Brownie is good for some true loving. We were sitting on the couch this morning reading a book and he says, "Mommy, I hode you?" I reach around to scoop him in my arms and he reaches up and wraps those sweet arms around my neck. He looks right into my eyes and says, "I wub you Mommy!" I love it when I ask him for a kiss, he pulls my head to his and plants a "Big Kips" on my lips. I'll hear him trip upstairs and I will call out, "Are you okay?" He responds, "I otay!" I can't believe he is going to be 2 year old in just a few weeks. My oh my, how time truly does fly.

So for now, I'm loving every minute of every day that I get to spend with my babies. Each day sometimes seems to be a repeat of the day before. Reading tons of books, praying over meals and snacks, playing with our toys and trains. And playing with our trains and playing with our trains and oh, how about, playing with our trains. We love to sing our favorite little jingle, (I think from Disney's Chuggington show, but I'm not 100% sure...

"Chugga-Chugga Chugga-Chugga...Choo-Choo
Chugga-Chugga Chugga-Chugga...Choo-Choo
That's how we play the train game."

For now, I'm soaking it all in. Loving on my boys, praying with and over my boys and us all praying over their trains.

Falling Forward...but reflecting back

2010-09-03T13:45:00.004-05:00

If you know me, you know that FALL is by far my absolute, unequivocal, without a shadow of a doubt favorite season of the year. I love the smell of the crisp, cool air. I love the change of everything green, to crimson, gold and terra-cotta. I love the early dark sky and I love the cooler weather. I enjoy pulling out my big sweatshirts and warm sweaters. I love for Daddy Brown to stoke up a bonfire in the backyard to roast just about anything you can put on a stick. I love being a little chilly in the bed and snuggling up tight with the one I love. Yes, everything Fall is what I dream about all year round. As we are getting close to the favorite time of year, I took pause this morning to reflect upon a whole years worth of memories that have been documented. There have been 105 posts since I started this journey 364 days ago. I've used this forum to share my heart, my love, my boys and so much more. I looked back over the 105 posts and have giggled and laughed. I've cried and re-lived some pretty awesome moments. Moments that if left to my half-awake, limping brain these days, may have falling to the pits of forgetfulness.

I picked out a few that are my favorites. I'll add a few more recent pictures and I'll continue to be amazed on what a wondrous adventure we rise to every single day. I'll remember that my Brownies aren't babies any more, but young toddlers with eyes of exploration and minds of little sponges. I'll remember that what actions they see in me, they will likely emulate. I'll be reminded that each day can seem like an eternity, but each week, month and year, seem to be at lightening speed. I'll be reminded that each and every minute is a blessing in so many ways. Each day that seems like a trial of wills or meeting of the minds, is one more day that has been given to me not in vain. Each sleepless night of holding a Brownie is one more night of feeling their love and touch. Each unsolicited, "Mommy, I love you" gives me a closeness to them that is immeasurable. We have enjoyed every single minute of Summer and look forward to some cooler weather and beautiful, natural colors only God could produce. I hope you have enjoyed reading a bit about our lives over the past year and I hope you will come back to share in our lives as we continue on our journey of life. With love...~Mama Brown.

Some of my favorite posts over the last 12 months...
September, 2009 October, 2009 November, 2009 December, 2009
January, 2010 February, 2010 March, 2010 April, 2010
May, 2010 June, 2010 July, 2010 August, 2010

First day of "Bible School"

One of our MANY trips to the City Zoo!

Having fun at one of our MANY summer pool parties!

Spending precious time...father and son.

Relaxing at home and enjoying our blessings!

Praying over our food and being thankful for what we have been given!

Our future IS so bright we have to wear shades!

Our new found love of Care Bears!

Enjoying our favorite restaurant on our impromptu vacation to the mountains!

Say What Sunday....

2010-08-29T14:52:00.003-05:00

Could it be true? Dare I say it aloud? Nope, don't want to ginx myself...well...um...ok. Little Brownie is potty training! Not because I'd like to be diaper free for the first time in 3 years, not because I spent 30 minutes cleaning a blowout down the carpeted staircase last week and certainly not because I think they are soooo cute. My Little Brownie is growing up and I'm not sure I'm ready. The past few mornings, Little Brownie has risen up from his nighttime slumber with a dry diaper. I've rushed him to the potty and Presto...we have pee-pee in the potty. He has been running around bare bottom for the last couple of days. He has made many deposits in the potty, however, I am smart enough to have picked up on how his little mind works...THE REWARD SYSTEM.

For every deposit into the potty no matter how big or small, you get a small treat. I had stockpiled last Valentine's day on candy heart treats. We have gone through almost my whole stash. So thankfully last night I found a bag of butterscotch morsels. This is our new potty treat. Big Brownie has decided that he is also potty training and each time he sprinkles a little tinkle, he asks, "May I please have a potty treat?" I am certain that this is not the end all and be all of potty training. I have no illusion that Little Brownie will be fully potty trained in a few weeks. But he is showing initiative and that initiative will be rewarded, each and every time it is used. Thank you heavenly father for giving me these blessings?

Speaking of blessings, I watched my Big Brownie sleep today and it was good. He slipped his hand underneath mine as I was singing songs to him at nap-time. He burrows his little feet between my legs and smiles so big, his dimples are the biggest indentations I've ever seen. I said, "I love you baby." He replied, "I love you baby Mama." As he drifted off to sleep, I watched his little smile softly fade and his clasp of my hand grow still. What a true blessing he is to me.

Big Brownie started mother's day out and is LOVING it! He loves his teacher and he loves his snacks. He busts in without much of a goodbye to me each morning, which I'm so grateful. No tears, no crying, no..."Mama will you stay with me?" It is the best feeling to know he is secure enough in knowing I will be back to get him. He loves going to "Bible School". Any day we pass the church, he points and says, "That is my favorite place to go play and have LOTS AND LOTS of fun".

And speaking of Mother's Day out...today, Big Brownie was telling me about his best friend Jack. I assumed he was speaking about a friend at school. He told me that he loves to play with him and that they share all the time. I was encouraging him to be a good friend and to be kind to one another. He looked up at me and said, "Mama, can Jack come over to play with me at my house." I replied, "Sure, if Jack's mother says it's ok for Jack to visit, then he can come play here at your house." He said, "Yay! and can Jack's Little Brother come too?" I said, "Absolutely, the more the merrier." He started dancing in the kitchen and I asked him this, "What is Jack's Little Brother's name?" He said, "Rabbit". I looked at him puzzled and said, "Jack's brother is named Rabbit?" He said, "Yes Mama, Jack and Rabbit want to come play. Can we call them on the phone to come now?" I said, "How do you know Jack?" He replied, "From school". So, tomorrow I will be scoping out to see if Big Brownie has a classmate named Jack or are we venturing into the world of make believe. I welcome all friends and I encourage his imagination to blossom. I just really need to know if Jack really has a brother named Rabbit.

Little Brownie is loving his Mama time whilst Big Brownie is at school. We read book after book after book. Did I mention we read books? We do...all the time. He asked, "Where's Bubba?" I've replied, "Bubba is at school." He just looks at me and smiles. He says, "You read it? Dis wone, dis wone right here!" I think he even enjoys being able to watch whatever DVD he wants, and he also enjoys sitting in Big Brownie's car seat. The other day, he laid down in Big Brownies bed and fell asleep for a little bit. I think he just relishes the idea of being all over Big Brownies stuff, without Big Brownie even knowing. It will be a secret that I will keep for sure. Coloring in all the coloring books and using markers and glue. Things that he normally doesn't get to touch without Big Brownie constantly instructing him how to use them correctly. And then there are the moments of shear bliss. The long hugs, sweet kisses, precious smiles and the "I wub you Mommy" that happens on a hourly basis. Undivided attention that he has never felt in his 20 months of life. I have a few projects lined up for this coming week, thanks to a dear friend that dropped off a basket of fun activities. He absolutely will not know what to do with himself, when he doesn't have to share or wait his turn. These are the days that I will cherish for a lifetime.

Running, Relaxing and Rainbows...

2010-08-21T23:25:00.010-05:00

Well, today was the BIG day! That's right, the day I have been preparing since the end of May. I made a commitment to run a 5k race and today, I can mark it off my official bucket list. I can tell you that when I started, I could barely jog for a 60 second period. I can tell you that in the first 4 1/2 weeks I had tremendous doubt that I would complete my goal. I can also tell you that the first time I ran 20 minutes, it was the milestone of milestones. At that moment I knew that I could do this...and today I did.

The day started out with Little Brownie waking at 3a. Daddy Brown sprung from the bed to attend to him while I slept a while longer for the big day. Once my alarm went off at 4:45a, I snoozed until 5:03a, then realized it was RACE DAY. We started out with the Brown family running on schedule. This is an unusual statement, because we are usually ALWAYS running behind. Little Brownie apparently did not return to slumber after his 3a awakening, but enjoyed resting and playing in his crib for 2 hours. I sprung out of the bed and hopped into the shower, dressed, woke Daddy Brown and the Brownies and everyone was dressed and ready to depart the house at exactly 5:35a. Daddy Brown went to put The Brownies in the car and we hit our first snag...I had left the car on all night long. WHAT? Yep, that is right, something I haven't done in MANY MANY YEARS. So, the family truckster was out of commission and with seconds counting down, Daddy Brown whisked the boys car seats out of the car and into his work truck. I ran around trying to fasten and buckle as quickly as possible. In a bit of frazzle, we buckled in ourselves and out the driveway we went. Not before a note of encouragement from a friend. Tacked to the mailbox, a special note... and in small print, Phil 4:13 which reads, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me". That meant so much to me.

As we continue down the road to drop the Brownies off at Gran Gran and Pops, Daddy Brown realized he had forgotten his wallet. We made the decision to turn around and retrieve it. Precious minutes are slipping away and I'm getting more and more anxious. Daddy Brown runs inside, grabs his wallet and it is now 6:03a. We get to Gran Gran and Pops house and drop the boys without any issues, switched vehicles so they could take the boys to eat at Cracker Barrel and we headed to our destination at approximately 6:25a. I talked to Daddy Brown about my anxiousness. Self doubt entered my mind and I began to worry. I had been worrying for several days after having a couple of bad runs. Several late nights and extremely early mornings during the past week had prevented me from getting a few extra "good" runs in and I felt unsettled and uncertain.

We arrived at the race venue on one of the most beautiful mornings at 7:03a. As we pulled into the parking lot and parked, Daddy Brown grabbed my hands and we prayed. The weather could not have been more perfect for a day of outdoor adventure. Low humidity, only about 75 degrees and partly cloudy. Daddy Brown and I went to the registration table and out of the 4 of us that was running, my name was not on the list. My heart sank into my stomach. The organizers hustled me quickly to another table, registered me without question and handed me my race number...562. I pinned my number to my shirt and still had so much doubt. Aunt and Uncle Fudge were there and Aunt Berry arrived to watch us run as our own cheering section. We stretched and prepared for the run. I went all the way to the back of the pack. I didn't want to hold any body up and I was still not sure if I could run the entire 5k without stopping. That was my goal...I didn't want to stop. No matter how slow my pace was, I just didn't want to stop.

The horn sounded and off we went. Daddy Brown was with me in pace and stride the entire time. Many times I felt like I was going to stop. Then, I'd ask for strength. I'd ask for guidance. I remembered Baby Tyler from earlier in the week and how he will never have the opportunity to run. It helped push me. I asked Daddy Brown to run in front of me and asked him to lead me home. It hurt when an elderly gentlemen passed us with a smooth gliding pace. It hurt when I realized that the 2.5 mile marker sign we just passed was for the second lap around and I was only REALLY passing the 1 mile marker. But in the end, I did it, we did it. It wasn't just me and I could not have done it without the Good Lord, a little will power and of course, Daddy Brown.

As we approached the finish line, I began to tear up. I raised my hands and praised God. For I had set a goal 3 months ago and today, I realized that goal. It was monumental for me to have completed it. Once it was over, I couldn't hold back the tears. It felt good and it felt surreal. It was almost an out of body experience. We walked to the bathrooms and I took a deep breath. We ate wonderful breakfast food that the organizers provided and we talked about the race. We watched other runners as they interacted with each other and we recovered quickly. As awards and prizes were handed out, I looked at Aunt Fudge and thought how grateful I am to have such a wonderful friend who was so willing to go on this journey with me. I looked at Uncle Fudge and giggled as I knew he was in his element. He wanted so badly to crack jokes and cut-up, but because of Aunt Fudge, hewas truly on his best behavior. I looked at Aunt Berry, who woke up at the crack of dawn to come show support. I will be eternally grateful for her for showing up. And I looked at Daddy Brown, who has encouraged and help me to do this. I felt so many emotions, I couldn't really speak. On the way home, Daddy Brown asked me, "Are you proud of yourself?" I said, "Yes". He said, "You don't seem happy." I replied, "I am, I just feel odd". He said, "You did great and I'm proud of you"!

We picked up the boys, took the rest of the afternoon to relax and rest. As we pulled into home, there was a bouquet of red roses waiting for me on the doorstep. On the note, "We are so proud of you and we love you!" Flowers left by my sisters and just one more reason I feel blessed by every person in my life. Daddy Brown got the family car running...thank you Jesus! The boys and I headed to the store to pick up a few items and along the way, enjoyed a rainbow hunt. We found 5 on the way from our house to the store. They were so excited. Little Brownie yelled, "Wook, Mommy, Bainbow!" Big Brownie pointed out all the colors he saw. Yep, it was a good day. One that I will remember and cherish for many years to come. I set a goal, I followed a program to realize that goal and in the end, I met my goal. It could not have been better...well, except the part about the old man that passed me, that still hurts! ~Mama Brown.

I'm prepared...

2010-08-16T23:13:00.003-05:00

It's been a really tough weekend for a family friend. My mother's best friend had a tragedy. Her niece and nephew lost their 3 week old baby. He was born without a left ventricle. That is difficult to even write much less say or even imagine. The mother of the baby had proper prenatal care, but some how this was missed on all the test and screenings.

Little Baby Tyler was born on July 21st at a mid-state hospital. He was seemingly normal and his doctor noticed he had a heart murmur. Upon further testing, a birth defect became apparent and the baby was transferred to a Children's Hospital to the NICU. Surgery after surgery, fight after fight, baby Tyler was given countless last minute chances. His little chest remained open for all 3 weeks of his life, for emergency purposes I'm sure. An artificial device called an EMO, worked as his heart. Blood was pumped in and blood was pumped out. Tubes, cords, ventilator, fluids all attached to a small 8 pound frame. He fought for every moment of his life.

Baby Tyler's parents are simple folk. Not given many opportunities in life, wanted as we all do, a better future for their baby. Surviving on very little, the scraped and saved every penny to make sure their baby would come home to the very best they could provide. They prepared well. The only thing they had yet to purchase was a high chair. When purchasing items for their baby, they felt if the name on the product was Johnson & Johnson and Pampers, their baby needed it and they made sure they had plenty of it. All of these items lovingly purchased in anticipation of their son's beginnings are now painful reminders of what will no longer be.

Sunday, August 15th, Baby Tyler's fight ended. My mother was there by her best friends side as the decision was made. Baby Tyler's kidney's began to fail and he began bleeding on the brain. His Daddy decided that Baby Tyler was not going to suffer any longer. He knew that this was what was to be and he was prepared....he was prepared. He was prepared to make the most difficult decision imaginable. As a parent myself, my heart breaks at that statement. "I'm prepared to do what needs to be done for the best interest of my son." He was prepared to say, enough is enough. He was prepared to hold his baby in his final moments. He was prepared to give every bit of himself to his son in his final breaths. He was prepared.

How can anyone be prepared to make such a decision? Aunt Berry came to the hospital to take photographs of Baby Tyler and his family in the last few hours of his life. Pictures that I'm sure the family will covet for the rest of their lives. Once the decision had been made, the nurses began slowly removing tubes and equipment that was keeping Baby Tyler alive. As his mother clung to her baby and wailed, there were no words of comfort that could take the pain away. Her baby was dying. Are we ever prepared to hold our dying child in our arms? Could I handle such a tragedy with such dignity? It makes you ask, "Why?" What was the purpose of this child's life here on earth for such a short amount of time?

As the last pieces of equipment were removed, Baby Tyler's father, my Mom, my Mom's best friend stood and held Baby Tyler's little hands and feet. It didn't take long for the sweet gift from God to pass into our Father's arms. Tears, heartbreak and silence filled the room. As Baby Tyler's Dad held his son, he said, "I just want him to move, just one last time." He kissed his baby over and over again. As they left the hospital, they were in disbelief. All the trips back and forth over the past 3 weeks, this was the first time they were leaving without any hope of coming back to see their son. They were no longer the parents of a living child. Now, they have the memory of their son. A son that fought for every minute of his 25 days here on this earth.

I have been consumed with thoughts and prayers for this little family. I have gone to my bible tonight for strength. I have found comfort in hearing the sound of my Brownies playing, laughing, hearing them find delight in each other and even found peace when I hear them cry. I realize that every day is truly a gift. For the last 1,000+ days, I have been given 1,000+ gifts multiplied by two. I don't take any moment of those 1,000+ days for granted, for Baby Tyler is now silent. His parents will never hear their son laugh, coo or cry until they are one day united with him in heaven. My sister came tonight and we worked on the DVD for the family, I choked back tears and my throat swelled as I looked at the pictures. I cannot imagine how Baby Tyler's parents feel tonight. When the chaos of the day ends and friends and family go home, they have only each other to fall back on.

In searching for some scripture tonight, I found some verses that spoke to me. I hope to share these with Baby Tyler's parents in the coming days. Some "Words of Truth" as a dear friend likes to call them and possibly some comfort for them. If you have a moment, will you please say a prayer for Baby Tyler's family? Will you ask for strength as they once again must be "prepared" to lay their little blessing to rest?

Psalm 139:13-18
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!

Isaiah 49:1
Listen to me, you islands; hear this, you distant nations: Before I was born the LORD called me; from my birth He has made mention of my name.

Mark 10:13-16
People were bringing these little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

Will you hold me?

2010-08-13T05:12:00.003-05:00

I hear this request often from Big Brownie, "Mama, will you hold me?" and from Little Brownie, "Mommy, Mommy, hod (hold) me!" I love to sit and hold my boys and read to them, sing to them and love on them. It makes my day to hear these words and to give them all they want and need of me. However, sometimes my own love tank will empty and I need to be held too. I have began to ask the Brownies, "Will you sit and hold me for a minute?" Big Brownie says, "Sure, come sit on the couch and let me hold you." We go to the couch and he puts his arm in the air and his little hand barely reaches around my neck. He wraps his other hand around my waist. Then, Little Brownie squishes his way behind me and puts his arms around my neck and rocks me back and forth. It is so sweet and precious to have them love on me as much as I need to love on them.

As we were getting about ready for bed last night, I looked at Daddy Brown as he was getting a few things finished up for the night and said, "Will you hold me?" It was so out of the blue, it wasn't because I was sad or upset, it was just a need I felt immediately. I needed to hold Daddy Brown and I needed to feel his arms around me. The touch of the one I love, being held close and tight. We walked into the living room and the Brownies were under foot. As we sat on the couch, Daddy Brown held me in his arms and the Brownies piled on top for a big group holding session. It was the most wonderful feeling to have all of my boys on less than 2 cushions of the couch sharing love and warmth. The boys thought we were making Mommy sandwiches. Daddy Brown was the bread, I was the meat, Big Brownie was the mayo and Little Brownie was the bun. I remember fondly making family sandwiches when I was a kid with my sisters and parents. It really is just one big hug and to hold my family now...it's just the most wonderful thing in the world. It leaves my inner tank filled up. Have you held someone today? Do you need to be held? Ask the ones you love, big and small, "Will you hold me?" It will do your body, mind and soul a world of good. Happy Friday to you all.

How about a "SAY WHAT WEDNESDAY"?

2010-08-11T00:53:00.007-05:00

Man have I ever missed posting my weekly "Say What?". It has been a super busy summer that seemingly is leading to a even busier Fall season fast approaching. Just to get everyone up to speed, Big Brownie is now 3 years and 2 months and Little Brownie is now 22 months old. They are becoming REAL brothers. You know, the kind that have combats and camaraderie all at the same time.

Thanks to Tutu Nani, the boys were given a treat of "Super hero" capes a couple of weeks ago. You know I could have tied a towel to their necks and told them they were capers and that would have been sufficient. However, with Big Brownies new found interest in Batman, Superman and Spiderman (learned from nephews)...as well as SUPER WHY from PBS, he loves to be my little super hero. This is all captured and carefully observed by Little Brownie. Sometimes in the morning when we rise, the first thing Big Brownie asks is, "Can I be your super hero today?" I grant his wish and before long, he is saving the day with his amazing leaps off the couch to save me from a toy bug on the floor or zooming through the kitchen to put a cup in the sink, saving the carpet from a spill. Little Brownie is in awe of Big Brownies super powers. He has decided he also wants to be my little "Super Hero" as well. His language has become a lot more clear over the last few weeks and he runs to me and says, "Mommy, Mommy...I suppa-tero too?" I grab his cape and within minutes he is also looking to save the day with his "Suppa-tero" powers. What would the caper duo be without a super dog, so Andy has been added to the super line-up as our very own, Super hero dog. It is quite funny to see them running around as a trio of super hero's, jumping from couch to pillow then pillow to chair...saving the day with their powers to put clothes in the baskets and blankets on beds. To pick up toys that need saving from the floor and snacks from the table. Yeah, they may think they are super-hero's, but I'm taking full advantage of the situation and making them little caped helpers. However, as quickly as we clean up, we destroy the territory so that there is another episode of "Saving the day" tomorrow.

As I said, Little Brownie is becoming more clear in his communication. My favorites are..."Mommy, Mommy, I stuck!" As I round the corner, he has pushed his foot into the cushion to pretend that he is stuck. Or, the "Mommy, Mommy, watch dis!" as he leaps in the air from the couch and lands on both feet. But my all time favorite is, "Mommy, Mommy, up...hold me, hud (hug) me and kips (kiss) me!" He has a smile and laugh that truly melts my heart and he can work his little magic to make you all warm and fuzzy inside.

Warm and fuzzes is exactly what you need to feel to counterbalance the shear mean streak that child has tucked away. Little Brownie can be mean as snot and boy can he take it out on his brother. I have so far been able to contain myself and hold back from spanking that child, however, I have never had to be more creative with my discipline style than with that child. He will make a drive by "Hit and Run" at a whim. Big Brownie is his best target and to that, I have encouraged Big Brownie to hit back. I know that many of you probably have to pick your jaw up from the ground when I say that I have told Big Brownie to hit him back, but I did not want Big Brownie to feel helpless to Little Brownie's aggressiveness. I don't want Big Brownie to feel like he can be bullied. I need him to feel a sense of worth and power over his person and that sometimes, you have to teach a lesson yourself as opposed to allowing me, Mommy, to handle every offense.

So, with that, no fewer than 2-3 times a day, when the Brownies are at each others throats, there will be an outburst of fury. I will usually be out of the room when it happens, but within earshot distance. It usually plays out something like this...(Crying in the background) Me: "What happened?" Big Brownie, "Brother hit me and I hit him back." Me: "Where did he hit you?" B.B.: "Here on my head!" Me: "Where did you hit him?" B.B. "I just hit him on his head and he fell down and got another boo-boo on his leg." Me: "Maybe you hit him a little too hard?" B.B. "No, he hit me on my head so I just pushed him." Me: "Did you hit him on the head or did you push him?" B.B. "I hit him in the head and pushed him with my fists and then he fell down."

OR...(Crying in the background) Me: "What happened?" B.B.: "He hit me!" L.B.: "I hip Bubba!" Me: "Don't hit brother!" L.B.: "OK Mommy (smiling)" Me: "Sit here in time out for 1 minute." L.B.: scoots to pick up a toy and runs back to his timeout spot "Mommy, Mommy...train!" B.B.: "Did you put him in timeout?" Me: "Yes, he is in timeout" B.B.: "Will you leave him there forever and just come hold me?" Me: "You can't play with your train while in timeout (I take the train and massive crying ensues)" B.B.: "I'm so sad, Brother hit me and I need you to hold me." Me to B.B.: "I'm on my way to hold you." Me to L.B.: "You can't have toys in timeout...give me that car!" B.B.: "No toys in timeout!" L.B. "I sooorry! I sooorry!" B.B. "I forgive him." Me: "Go give Brother a hug and tell him you are sorry." L.B. "I sorry bubba." B.B.: "I forgive you!" So...are you tired yet? It is truly exhausting figuring out do you discipline or console.

We have decided to cut back on some of our household expenses. I turned off the gas because we only have a gas fireplace and we NEVER turn it on...$15 bucks a month saved. I'm leaving my debit card at home and trying to be mindful of the things I spend money on and use cash only....no telling how much I am saving from not nickel and dime-ing our account to death. I cut back our cable services and turned in 2 of our digital cable boxes...$40 bucks a month saved. In doing the latter, I had a "Say What?" from Daddy Brown. With our current cable plan we get 1 digital box and with that, there are certain channels that are only accessible through the digital box. The most watched channel...Nick Jr. channel 113. Since we have a few movie channels and the only time we really ever use the On Demand function is to rent a non-kid movie, I left the digital box in our room. On the first day I turned the boxes in, Daddy Brown came home and I began to fix dinner. I needed a bit of a break and I asked Daddy Brown to handle the boys. He looks down and realizes we no longer have Nick Jr. on the living room television. He looks at me and says, "WHERE IS NICK JR!" I smiled and said, "We only get Nick Jr., through the cable box...remember?" He stood there for a minute and said, "Well, what about PBS or Disney?" I explained, "They only have preschool shows during the morning and daytime?" His response..."I guess we can just turn the television off since there is nothing good on T.V. to watch." In that moment, I grinned and thought, was there ever a time in my previous non-kid life that not have Nick Jr. available would be a "Nothing good on" television moment?

Okay...one more then I'm off to bed. Some of the most wonderful moments of my day are when my boys desire to have some Mommy time. I stay up late at night because that is the only time I have "Me" time these days. Big Brownie will start Mother's Day Out in 1 week and I'm excited about the time I will get to spend with Little Brownie solo. We have never had that one on one time. I think they both will truly flourish with this next chapter that will unfold. As I'm preparing Big Brownie that he will go to school soon, he asks, "Am I going to my new Bible School tomorrow?" Me: "No, you will go in one week." B.B.: "Oh, will they have a Ferris Wheel there?" Me: "No, they won't have a Ferris Wheel there, but they will have a playground for you to play on." B.B.: "Yay, with Zebra's and Flamingo's?" Me: "No, there won't be any animals, but you will be able to play with new friends." B.B.: "Awesome, can they go to the Childrens Museum with me to see the dragon in the castle?" Me: "Well, maybe, but your school is not going to go to the Childrens Museum, but you will be able to draw and cut with scissors." B.B. "Oh no, I can't cut with big scissors." Me: "They will have kid scissors for your to use." B.B. "Wow, and can I cut apples and oranges with them?" Me: "Well, no, you will cut paper, but they will have a kitchen for you to play with." B.B.: "And can I cook pancakes and bacon for my new friends?" Me: "Yes, you can pretend to cook anything you want." B.B. "I don't think Bible School is going to be fun. I don't want to go to Bible School." Me: "Why not?" B.B., "Because they don't have Ferris Wheels, Zoo Animals...no Childrens Museum and I can't cook real food in the kitchen. I don't want to go, I want to stay here with you." Me: "You know what else you are going to get to do at Bible School?" B.B. (eyes light up and mouth opens wide with anticipation) "What is it, what is it?" Me: "You are going to get to make new friends and learn about Jesus." B.B.: "JESUS? YAY! I want to learn about Jesus, can I go to Bible School tomorrow?" I hope the excitement and anticipation of learning about Jesus continues to grow. I hope and pray that the transition to Mother's Day Out for Big Brownie is successful and innovative for him. I hope and pray he never loses his ability to reason each side of the coin and that he continues to find joy in his life through each and every new door he walks through...I hope and I pray!

Feels good to be back...

2010-07-25T23:14:00.003-05:00

It has been a couple of weeks of C-R-A-Z-I-N-E-S-S around here. In a nutshell...my mom helped sponsor a national conference in our state's capital, which the Brownies and I helped and participated. We have enjoyed a new adventures with friends at our new local Children's Museum. We have celebrated 4 birthdays of friends and family. We picked berries and fruit and ventured to our Amish country for fresh produce, a couple of times. We participated...kinda in vacation bible school until...the Brown family got sick. Oh and did we get sick with the yuckiest sick belly's around. It almost makes me yawn just writing it all down, but the month of July is like a blurry, fuzzy memory. I remember being at all those places and having TONS of fun, but whew, I'm tired.

In all our kid wrangling, balloon fetching, food eating, picture taking and all out fun, I almost fell off the workout wagon. I went an entire 4 day stretch of not running and it almost did me in. I made it to week 7 in my Couch to 5K journey and then with all the early mornings and late evenings, I was derailed for a bit. I had a terrible W7D1 run. It made me cry. I couldn't finish the 25 minute run. I was hindered a bit by strolling my 28 pound Little Brownie and it was SO incredibly hot that morning that I just psyched myself out. Nothing like a bad run to get me down. I've been down, but this time I was not going to let myself be out.

The good thing about creating the support team of family around me that are participating in the C25K program, is that I always have someone to pick me up when I'm down. I try my best to delve out the encouragement as much as possible. And after my doosey of a W7D1 run, I came home immediately...hot, sweaty and teary. I picked up my cell phone and I texted Aunt Apple and Aunt Fudge. I needed someone to pick me up. I prayed. I prayed for God to give me the strength to pick myself up. I made a decision. I decided that this time, I wasn't going to quit. This time, I wasn't going to let it get the best of me. This time, I was going to prove to myself that I could put a bad run behind me and kick it's butt, not let it kick mine. And oddly enough, I did. I completed Week 7 with a bang. Did I struggle...most definitely. Did I want to quit...undeniably, but I kept going. I even yelled at myself aloud, "YOU BETTER NOT QUIT! YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH! LEAVE IT HERE! NO REGRETS!"

I am sure if any 1 of my neighbors were up and enjoying their quiet morning coffee, I interrupted them with my robust attitude. In the end, I did it. I got my momentum back. I felt the fire in my belly again. So much so that I woke up this past Saturday and struggled to make myself stay in the bed. It was 6 a.m. and it was my rest day. I wanted to run. I talked myself in and out of getting out the bed for 45 minutes and finally said, "What the heck, I'm going running!" I strapped my knee brace on, tied my running shoes and choked down my GU energy gel. Out the door I went thinking I would start week 8. Week 8 in the program is run for 28 minutes. I had so much excitement swirling that I did something crazy. I decided that I was going to push myself further than I ever had. I was going to see how far I could run without stopping.

Down our road is a set of railroad tracks that is exactly 1.8 miles away. If I calculated my warm-up walk of 5 minutes correctly, it would be about 1.5 miles one-way. Could I do this? Could I really run to the railroad tracks? Then, could I run all the way back? As I start my jog, I felt good and found a slow, steady and comfortable pace. I wasn't out of breathe, I wasn't wheezing and trying to find a pattern. No, on this day, I felt strong. As I came around the corner stretching further than ever before, I saw the railroad tracks. My excitement intensified and I text messaged my husband, "I see the railroad tracks and I'm still going!" As I turned at the track and worked my way back, I still felt good. I hit about the 2 mile mark and to my surprise...I was still going. I text messaged my husband, "2 miles in 28 minutes and I haven't stopped!"

As I get to the BIG hill close to home, I began talking to myself and I began praying aloud. "Lord give me the strength I need. Give me the power and will to do this. I know I can do this and I know you can help me. Give me what I need to succeed." I focused and breathed. I did it. I ran without stopping for 42 minutes and I ran for 3 miles. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could do this. I didn't do it alone. I may have been on the pavement all by myself, but the Good Lord guided my feet. He helped me rise up and accomplish something I thought I could never do. It was good. God is good. God can give you the strength and the power to overcome any obstacle in your way. I could have let all the fun and adventurous happenings of the last few weeks completely take me to a place of regret. There were many days that I was so happy to see Aunt Apple and Aunt Fudge pull in the driveway to run with me. Those were the days I needed some support and I needed someone else to help motivate me off the couch.

I'm so very thankful that I have committed to something as big and physical as a 5K run. I'm more excited now than I have been through the whole process. I have to make myself take rest days. I would love to run everyday. I relive the moment I knew I was going to finish my first 20 minute run without stopping and without struggling. I did feel a little like a young Forrest Gump, as his braces ripped from his legs and he realized he could run like the wind. I am far from running like the wind, however, I am a runner. It feels good to be back. It feels good to know that I can run for 42 minutes. I am completely crazy enough to say to Daddy Brown, "I bet I could run for a whole hour!" It just feels good. I encourage you today to get up and get moving. Find whatever you need to motive yourself. Do it for your family, but most importantly, do it for you. There is only one of you. Make it the best YOU possible. Much love and many blessings! ~Mama Brown

Our first...

2010-07-08T01:33:00.000-05:00

It has taken me quite a while to write this post. It has been about a month that Big Brownie turned 3 years old. He is our first creation. He is our first born child that exhibits so much of both of us. He is our first taste of what responsibility of others has meant. With that, I'm sharing our first experience with you.

Daddy Brown and I were married for 7 years before we even really thought about having children. Every couple of years or so, we would have a brief conversation...my memory recalls it being in the shower most of the time, as that is where I was able to think about these type of life altering decisions. The conversation would go something like this..."So, are you ready to have babies yet?" His response, "I'm ready whenever you are." My response..."I don't think I'm ready yet." His response..."Ok". And that literally was how the conversation would begin and end. I remember thinking as I turned 29 years old, "Geez, I better get to popping out babies soon or I'm gonna be too set in my ways and to old to have them."

In April of 2006, left an extremely stressful job. Daddy Brown and I enjoyed a 2nd honeymoon in Hawaii thanks in part to my Mom. I was at a crossroads in my career and wasn't sure where the Lord was going to drop me next. We decided that it wouldn't hurt to stop trying NOT to have a baby. I did some side work here and there. Called on some old clients and employers and did some freelance work to fill my time. I helped a friend in need that had a complicated situation and needed some help for several months. I was staying at her house 5 days a week to help her in her physical recovery.

One night I remember waking up with terrible abdominal pain. None that I had ever felt before. It was about "my time of the month" and this is what I attributed this pain. The next night was much the same. I came home late that night, and as Daddy Brown and I were walking the dogs, I began to tell him of this pain that I had been experiencing. His reply, "Have you pee'd on a stick?" My thought was, "Why on earth would I do that, it's just my time of the month." However, it planted just enough of a seed in my head to wonder. It was now 10:30p and I came inside, ran upstairs and found a pregnancy test. I pee'd on the stick and literally within a few seconds, 2 pink lines appeared. I yelled from the upstairs bathroom, "COME HERE NOW!!!" Daddy Brown sprinted upstairs with worry and concern on his face. As he entered the bathroom, there I stood holding the message of our future.

The 2nd pink lines were very faint, and my reaction was that we needed another test to make certain this was what we thought it was...a baby. Daddy Brown called it a foul and inconclusive. I on the other hand...filled up with anxiousness. Daddy Brown talked me into waiting for the morning to get a test. I didn't sleep much that night. I didn't want to get too excited, because what if it were just a fluke. What if this was the one malfunctioned test in the whole world. As soon as dawn approached, I sprung from my bed and jumped into the car. I went to our local CVS and Walgreens. I bought 2 tests of different brands at both stores. If I had a faulty test, I didn't want to get another one. I came home pee'd on ALL the tests and left the room. I waited for 3 minutes with baited breath. As I entered the bathroom, 4 tests glared back at me with proof that indeed I was pregnant with a baby.

I stood there for about 5 minutes and cried. I couldn't believe it. For 5 minutes of my life, I was the only one in the world that knew for sure that our life was going to be enhanced with a child. I slowly walked to the phone to call Daddy Brown. He had left the house at the same time I had headed out to get the tests. He was waiting for my call and when I dial his number, it barely rang once before he picked up. I said, "Well, you are going to be a Daddy!" Silence, as we both tried to process what was happening. We both giggled for a few minutes without saying any actual words. Then, he said, "You're going to be a Mama". There are several one liners that I remember clearly that Daddy Brown has spoken. "You're going to be a Mama", is by far one of my favorites.

I called the doctors office and to my surprise, I was only about 4 weeks pregnant. They would not see me until I was at least 7 weeks along. Daddy Brown and I made a pack. We would keep this a secret until we received confirmation from our doctor. That was the LONGEST 3 weeks we had ever experienced. We planned to tell our families the same day of our appointment. I arranged a lunchtime with both sides of our families for that afternoon. On October 1, 2006, we visited my obstestrican for our first sonogram. There he was, our little bean. We decided that we would call him, "Gus" as he was our fetus. We left the doctors office and with our first sonogram and Daddy Brown returned to work. I went to Kinko's and I made 2 copies of our sonogram. I went to walmart and bought 2 picture frames and placed the sonogram copies in the frames. I wrapped the frames and headed to meet our families for lunch.

We started with Gran Gran and Pops. We met at Daddy Brown's office where everyone was waiting for me to arrive. As we are talking and deciding on where to eat, I asked Daddy Brown to retrieve one of the bags from my car. He walked in with it and handed it to his mom. We stood back and waited with for their response. As Gran Gran pulled the frame from the bag, they both looked at it puzzled. Pops said, "Is that a frog?" Gran Gran said, "Is that a volcano?" Then all of a sudden like one of those pictures you stare at for long enough the real object appears and Gran Gran bursts out..."Is that a baby?" Grinning from ear to ear, we nodded. Tears, kisses, hugs and disbelief filled the room. They responded, "We just assumed you guys were not going to have kids." This was the response of most people we knew. We went to lunch, but Gran Gran and Pops barely touched their food. Utter disbelief and excitement swirled around us. It was so much fun.

With one side of the family in the know...off to yet another surprise luncheon. By chance, both of my sisters were available to come to lunch on an impromptu invitation with my parents. I brought the bag in with me this time and we all met at a local restaurant. As everyone was seated, I placed the little bag in the middle of the table. Both of my sisters looked at me immediately. I think I could tell, they knew what was about to come. My mom opened the bag and screeched. My dad didn't have a clue what was going on and was scared something had just happened. My mom yelled, "She is having a baby as she handed him the picture frame." Not knowing exactly what he was looking at or what he just heard, he exclaimed, "Are you alright?" Then my sisters jumped up from the chairs to hug me and said, "She is pregnant!" We all hugged and kissed each other. The waiter came to the table to take our order and my mom said with tears streaming down her face, "I'm sorry, you'll have to come back in a few minutes...my baby girl is pregnant!"

And so our journey began. I had an awesome pregnancy. I was sickly in my first trimester. I powered through and started a new job through my second trimester. We went to birthing classes and nursing classes. We shopped for the nursery, although it was not complete when the baby came home, because I knew he was going to stay in our room for several months. By the end of my third trimester, I was ready for my baby "Gus" to be born. He on the other hand, was nice and cozy inside his warm, dark and cushy home. I went past my due date and we finally agreed to schedule an induction. It was Friday, June 8, 2007 and we were scheduled to be there at 6a for the delivery of our son.

True to form, we both woke up late. As we drove to the hospital, I started to cry. I realized this was the last time we would drive in our car as a family of 2. From here on out, we were a family of 3. We arrived at the hospital at 6:30a and I remember walking in with another mom who was being induced that day. The difference was this was her SEVENTH baby. That's right...I said 7th. By the 7th child, I would think she could pretty much do it on her own, wouldn't you? Anyway, we registered and the nice elderly volunteer guided us to our room. I put on my gown and we waited. The nurse came in and gave me all the paperwork I'd need to complete. I explained I was going to try and do this naturally. She placed an IV line in my arm so the medicines to induce labor would be on board.

I began contracting pretty slowly and the pain threshold was tolerable. My doctor came in and broke my water. She had a full day of patients scheduled that day, but assured me if I needed her she would be there in a flash. As the morning went on I remember Tutu Nani, Papa and Aunt Apple coming to visit. Gran Gran and Pops stopped by too. All the while, I'm in control, labor is going well and things are moving along. About 4 1/2 hours into labor, things had kicked up quite nicely. I was laboring well but in a considerable amount of pain. Daddy Brown was the BEST DOULA around. He coached me, helped me breath, walked with me, rubbed on me and assured me I could continue on with our natural plan. As strange as it may sound, we labored just the two of us for most of the morning. The nurse would periodically come in to check on me, but in reality, the hospital was overrun with deliveries and they were stretched to the max.

Beginning with the 5 1/2 hour mark, I was in some serious pain. I remember Daddy Brown looking at the monitor that prints out the contraction. He would tell me when the contraction was beginning and when it was ending. At one point, there was not ending. It was a flat line at the top of that little paper which meant I was feeling no relief between contractions. I swayed, I knelt, I bent over, I breathed. I did everything I could remember to do. All of a sudden I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. As I sat on the toilet, I began really laboring hard. I remember thinking, "I don't know what is about to come out of me, but I sure hope it comes now!" The nurses aid came in to check on me and Daddy Brown had some concern. He said, "I'm not sure if this is right, I think we need somebody to come check on her." The aid ran out to get the charge nurse. The charge nurse ran in and said, "What's happening?" I said, "I'm trying to go to the bathroom!" She said, "Stop pushing, I need to check you, I think you are having the baby!"

For a split second, I had a relieving thought..."It's almost over, our baby is almost here." She checked me and said, "Help me get her to the bed so I can check her dilation." Now, if you have seen those baby shows on TLC and the nurse or doctors says they are going to check you, those women are OBVIOUSLY on drugs. When the nurse checked me, I could have crawled up the side of the wall in pain. As she checked me and as I'm in such pain this is what she says..."Well, I have some news for you. I know you want to do this naturally, however, you are only dilated to 5. Progressing the way you are, it will be at least another 3 hours until you are ready to have this baby." While I'm contracting and entering into my 6th hour of labor, she left the room for Daddy Brown and I to make a decision. I looked at Daddy Brown and said, "Will you think less of me if I get the drugs?" Tears filled his eyes as he looked at me and said, "Absolutely not. If you want to continue on, we will do it. If you want the drugs, we will do it. It is up to you...I'm here for you."

As the nurse came in, I cried and said, "I think I need the epidural." She called down for anesthesia and they entered the room within minutes. She held my upper body as the line was put into my spine and within minutes, I felt relief. I cried. This was not my birthing plan. God made our bodies to be able to hand childbirth. I knew there was supposed to be pain. I knew there should be distress, but I truly felt I had failed. As the nurse was getting ready to leave and saw that I was distraught, she asked, "Do you feel like you are a failure for getting the epidural? You can't, you lasted longer than anyone around here has in a long time. Now get some rest, you are going to have a baby soon." I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Now that I was properly sedated, the nurse began to speed up my induction. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have rolled the dice and not had the induction. Once she began speeding up my medication, it actually put the baby in distress. She told me if he continued to distress, I would have to have a C-section. This was yet another blow to me. Why? Because this was not what I wanted. Yes, I wanted a healthy baby, but not like this. Not with all of this medical intervention. She backed the medication down a few milligrams and everything went back to normal progression.

By 6:30p, I was fully dilated, fully descended and ready to have a baby. I remember my doctor came in and said, "Yep, you are ready to start pushing. I'll be back in 2 hours and we will have this baby." WHAT...2 hours? The Gary Coleman statement, "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?" came to mind. The nurse came in to help me push and stretch. She instructed Daddy Brown to hold 1 leg in the air and she would hold the other. She instructed me on the proper way to push. She sat down and we start talking in between pushing. I asked, "Why is the doctor coming back in 2 hours? Why am I not having the baby now?" She said, "Oh, well you see...when you have an epidural, you don't really know how hard you are pushing. Therefore, it takes you longer to have a baby." So, the next 2o minutes of me pushing was me pushing as HARD as I could possible imagine. And guess what...I was ready to have that baby. I think all nurses and doctors should tell mom's this. That might speed things up a bit.

Of course, now that I'm ready to have the baby, the doctor has stepped out to have dinner. About 8:30p, the doctor enters the room and the epidural is starting to wear off. I'm starting to feel the contractions and I start pushing all on my own. She walks and says, "Yep, she is going to have this baby. Scrubs are flying, parts of my bed are being removed, birthing equipment is zooming in position. As I started to push one of the nurse ran by and put her hand up. She said, "Stop pushing, the doctor is coming and you are going to push him out before she gets here to catch!" The doctor zoomed in on her wheelie chair and in position everyone stood. At 8:50p and two big pushes later, out came Big Brownie. As she lifted him up for me to see, the first words my son heard me say was..."Does he have a triple nipple?" (Um, Daddy Brown has a small triple nipple...but shhhh...don't tell him I told you.)

She slapped the surgical scissors in Daddy Brown's hand and said, "Cut the cord, but be careful, it can be a bit chewy!" Now...Daddy Brown had not decided yet if he was going to cut the cord or not. It had not be discussed or even asked prior to placing the surgical scissors in his hand. He remembers vividly not knowing exactly what to do for 2 seconds. Then, brave and without a hesitation, cut the cord of our son. As she placed Big Brownie in my arms, we cried. He was the most beautiful thing we had ever laid eyes on. He had 2 big dimples, a head full of jet black hair and the darkest brown eyes I had ever seen. He weighed in at 7lbs 12 oz. and 22 inches long. He was perfect.
Daddy Brown left the room to tell the others he was here. I tried my hand at nursing for the very first time and then everyone got to meet our first son. I remember the nurses encouraging us to use the nursery while we were there. That is until Big Brownie started to cry and was going to wake up the other 17 babies in the nursery. The lights were off and we were asleep. As the door opened, our screaming baby rolled into our room and the door closed quickly behind. I assume they only meant for us to get 1 hour of sleep. He was a challenging little fellow. He nursed every 45 minutes to an hour until he was at least 3 months old. After that, it was every 1-2 hours. He didn't like to eat food beginning when we introduced it. He only wanted his "Mommy milk" as we called it. I was nursing and pumping at least 20 ounces of mile a day.

Even though he was my high maintenance baby and every day felt like it was Groundhog Day, he is the absolute joy in my heart. He is the most loving and gentle child I've ever known. I know this is a very long post. Our first experience of becoming parents would warrant nothing less. I look at Big Brownie now and he looks so much like me, but has so many of his Dads mannerisms. He is such a good blend of the best parts of us both. I am blessed to be his mom. I can only thank the Lord every day that he picked me to be his mom and Daddy Brown to be his dad. With all my heart and all my breathe, I love you Big Brownie.

Live like we're dying...

2010-07-06T10:30:00.002-05:00

Have you heard of Kris Allen? He is an American Idol contestant from a previous season. I don't watch the show and I don't know if he won, but I know he has a song that speaks to me. If you have not heard his song "Live like we're dying", you need to. It is such a powerful song. I added it to my play list to play while I'm running. I strategically place it towards the end of my run when I know I might be struggling.

I have a fever...a "running" fever that is. I find that I think about it all the time. I go to bed thinking about it. I wake up thinking about it. I have even had a wonderful dream about it. I can't express in words how excited I am to run. And you know what, I know it sounds insane and crazy. It seems weird when I say it. I am still the SLOWEST runner in the world I'm sure. I could absolutely care less. I am so excited that I can run and not be crippled by an old knee injury. I am so pumped that I can run even with this extra weight on my body. Weight that is starting to melt away before my eyes.

I am seeing results in Aunt Apple and Aunt Fudge. I can't even tell you how proud I am of both of them for starting the program and continuing on. Every time I run with either of them, my heart is bursting so much with joy that I could cry. Why? Because we are doing something. We are doing something for ourselves and for each other. We are doing it with each other and individually. I think that is why "Live like we're dying" speaks so much to me. I added it to this post so you could hear this song. Read the lyrics, listen to the song and see if it speaks to you too.

Thank you Lord for this day. Thank you Lord for these special women in my life. Thank you Lord for giving me the power to overpower myself and my will. Thank you Lord for being in me and by me in every step I take. Thank you Jesus for Daddy Brown. He encourages me every day. He keeps me going. He helps me to know I can do this. Everyday, I wake up to my best friend. I love you Lord Jesus! I love you Daddy Brown! I love you Aunt Apple! I love you Aunt Fudge! I love you Uncle Fudge and I love you Uncle Berry! You guys are continuing to give me strength. Could NOT and would NOT do it without each one of you!

Live Like We're Dying Lyrics

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying, oh...

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we left out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying, oh
Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying...

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying

Drinking the Kool-Aid, and loving it...

2010-06-27T11:26:00.005-05:00

So, as you may or may not know, I'm participating in a 5K run in August. I've been following the "Couch to 5K" program. I have just completed week 4 and that means...I'm halfway there. When I started the program, I struggled BIG TIME! I still do. If you see me "running" you might just think it to be more of a "jog prance". I have all the right moves, but the speed, a little lack luster. That being said, now that I'm approaching week 5 in the program, I can now run for a straight 5 minutes. 4 weeks ago, I could barely run 1 minute. So, I am seeing the progress...and it is good.

I have others that will be running with me in my first 5K in August. Aunt Fudge, Uncle Fudge, Uncle Berry, Aunt Apple and of course, Daddy Brown. Can't believe that all these family members would be willing to sign on with me on my first big adventure. Uncle Fudge, Uncle Berry and Daddy Brown could basically go out and run a 5K at any point in time upon demand. They are all well conditioned and in very good shape. Aunt Fudge, Aunt Apple and I are working through the program. We are inspiring and encouraging each other all the way.

As I was running the past Saturday morning, I was pondering my experience thus far. I'll be completely honest, when I start to run, I feel like my legs are going to fall off. I feel like I'm going to die. As I continue on though, I feel a little bit more confident that I can do it. In the beginning my mind was filled with doubt. I was my worst enemy. My mind would tell me I couldn't do it. My mind would tell me to stop. My mind would tell me it was hopeless. So it was a great surprise as I am entering into week 5, my mind has changed all on its own. While running, my mind is telling me, you got this. It tells me, keep it up and you can go a little bit further. Sometimes it tells me to go faster. I still feel like it is possible I might die sometimes, but I know that I won't.

Entering into week 5, I will be running for 15 minutes with 2 walking breaks on day 1. I will be running 18 minutes with 2 walking breaks on day 2. And then on day 3, I will be running for 20 minutes with no breaks at all. That is the plan. That is exciting to me. My last successful attempt to run for a consistent 20 minutes or longer, was in my early 20's. I can't wait. I know I can do it...before I even get out there. I know I can do it because the Lord has blessed me to find something that I actually enjoy doing. I never knew how much joy I could receive from finding a program that works for me. I was so skeptical when I started this program. I have a bad knee, I'm overweight, I have had a tough time staying on the workout wagon. It would be easy to quit again. It would be easy to say, I don't have the time or I just don't want to today.

As I get closer to August 21st, I get more excited. As I complete another week, I get more giddy. As I see the changes happening in my body, I become ever thankful, ever grateful. Thankful not only for my progress, but for the others that this program is affecting change. Last week, Daddy Brown pushed the Brownies in the stroller and they all ran with me. As we were getting to the end and I was barely able to keep going, Daddy Brown whispered something to the Brownies. The next thing I heard was the Brownies yelling..."Go Mama, Go Mama!" and "You can do it, Go Mama!" It was great. Big Brownie asks me everyday that I get ready to run, "Mama, why are you running?" I tell him, "Mama needs to get healthy and exercise." He asks, "But why Mama?" I tell him, "Because I want to live a long, happy and healthy life with you." He usually says, "Ok Mama, go get healthy!"

As funny as it may sound, I have a rule when I run. NO TALKING...I lose my focus and concentration. I have never enjoyed running with others for the obvious reason, I'm self conscience of how I look and how I sound when I'm running. That is getting better as I am getting better. I imagine as I'm running, little ounces of yucky fat falling off my booty. Gross and funny at the same time I know. I feel so good when I complete the run each morning or each night that it helps me get through my day and I actually look forward to my next run. As of yesterday morning, I have lost 5 1/2 pounds since I started 4 1/2 weeks ago. Not bad...not bad at all!

Yep, I think I am not only drinking the kool-aid, I think I'm LOVING the kool-aid. Let me encourage you to get up and find your flavor of kool-aid. When you do, indulge yourself and make a difference in your life and the life of others.

Papa, Pops and Daddy...

2010-06-20T07:56:00.010-05:00

I have written a post about my dad, Papa, back on his birthday. He means the absolute world to me. I believe that I was parented well by both of my parents. My dad has been an inspiration to me for each and every day of my life. I try to spend every chance I get with him, and we enjoy each other through laughter the most. He has a great laugh...a laugh that is contagious and hearty.

Daddy Brown's dad is also an awesome Dad. Pops and Daddy Brown work together and have for over 15 years. They are very similar creatures. Pops is funny and gracious all in the same note. He has the kindest spirit. When Pops is with his grandchildren, he literally lights up. The absolute best time to see Pops, is the quick moments I see him wrap his arms around Gran Gran or Aunt Fudge and even Daddy Brown. You can see the pure joy and happiness on his face. He doesn't have to say it, you can see the love in his eyes.

As Daddy Brown and I have children now, I get to see the love in his eyes too. The sweet and kind love for our babies. The precious love that I could only have dreamed of for our children. Firm when he has to be, but so soft and gentle. Daddy Brown enjoys the rowdy play with the Brownies. He enjoys the "backyard" adventures which include picking up frogs, catching lizards and catching bugs, just to name a few. They enjoy eating the "fun" foods when he is in charge. He would give his ever being to make them happy. He even has the magical power of healing a boo-boo with a kiss.

The Brownies ask for him on work days every morning. "Where is my Daddy?" is the question I get from Big Brownie as he enters the room. I remind him that he is at work. "But why, he wants me?" he asks as I try to explain it is Monday or Tuesday or so on. I finally began to explain why Daddy Brown goes to work..."Daddy goes to work so that he can provide us with food and gas for our car and other things like our home." Oh yes, Daddy Brown is a great provider of all things wonderful. He gives a tremendous amount of support, thoughtful in almost every action he makes, helpful with the housework and enjoys being with his family.

Happy Father's Day to 3 of the best Dad's in the world. The world is a better place because these three men exist. Each one different in their own right, but with one thing in common...they were blessed to be wonderful Dads. They continue to contribute to our lives and they are all role models. I'm blessed to know them and fortunate to love on them every day!

Big Brownie's 3rd Birthday Adventure...

2010-06-07T09:31:00.001-05:00

I hope to start a new tradition of giving each of my boys a special day, hopefully more than just one a year, but especially around their birthday. A day that is separate from the birthday party and a day for them to do whatever their hearts delight, within reason of course. Tomorrow is Big Brownie's big day...he will be 3 years old. I can't believe it. My heart skips a beat when I think about how fast these 1,094 days have passed. In light of all the "Big Boy Changes" of late, I decided he and I needed a special Mother/Son day out. I asked Daddy Brown if he could hang with Little Brownie this past Saturday and Big Brownie and I set out to have an adventure together...just the two of us.

We started out a little later in the day than I had anticipated, so rather than having breakfast together, we had lunch. Lunch at Big Brownie's favorite restaurant...O'Charley's. He ordered a salad, chicken tenders, fries and lemonade. The waitress brought us our salad and rolls and Big Brownie dove in. Towards the end of the meal, she brought him his own special birthday dessert and he giggled as that was the most awesome thing in the world to him. He waved to other patrons, exclaiming, "I'm on a special adventure with my mom and I'm 3 years old." Several people stopped to wish him a Happy Birthday and that made him giggle even more.

We headed to one of our favorite spots these days...The Dollar Tree, to purchase a few goodies. Big Brownie picked out a hoola hoop (which I proudly and not to cleverly demonstrated the hoola hoop technique in the store), a big bubble hoop, a smiley face balloon and a strawberry shortcake ice cream popsicle. We ate our ice cream in the car and boy was that a mess. Next, We headed to the train tracks and train car just down the road to walk the tracks, pickup rock, look at the cows, play on the stationery train car and share the sunshine. Amazes me that we can have a full 2 hours of fun just talking, laughing, exploring, running and loving. We both had so much fun.

There was a huge cow...maybe a bull, it didn't have horns, oh I don't know. I do know that it was the biggest cow I had ever seen up close. Big Brownie and I went to the fence and perched to talk to the cow. The big "bull cow" ventured closer and closer...and closer to the fence. Big Brownie was so excited, he wanted to "pet him". However the closer the "bull cow" got, the more nervous I got. I kept thinking, "this rickety fence will not hold his 'bull cow' in if he decides to charge". So, once the cow got within 3 feet of the fence, we backed several feet away. As we were getting close to leaving, it started to sprinkle. So back to the train car we ran to climb on one last time under cover. Big Brownie got to take some pictures with my camera and boy, he snapped 50 pictures in a few minutes. He especially liked taking pictures of our car.

After the rain subsided, we went to the convenience store to get a drink and a snack. As this was Big Brownies special adventure day, I told him he could get 1 beverage and 1 snack. Out of all the junk food he could have chosen, without a fight from me, what does he choose? A yellow apple, 1 orange and a big water. WHO IS THIS CHILD? I was so proud of him. When he asked for both an apple and an orange, of course I said, "YES!" After a little hydration and snack, we headed to the playground to conclude our adventure. We played and played and played some more. The ball field was just feet away from the playground and before leaving...why not run around the bases for a HOME RUN? So, we did. The day was perfect. Big Brownie was allowed to snap off another 100 pictures on the short drive home from the park. He thought that was "COOL".

I'll admit, I teared up several times. For sure at O'Charley's when I looked down to see my son choose his meal and eat with very little assistance. As we ate together, he slid next to me in the booth and placed his hand on mine. I choked back tears as he looked up at me and said, "Mom, you are my best friend." I almost lost it at the train tracks when I remembered the pictures of my Big Brownie at 16 months old. Aunt Berry brought him there and took pictures of him walking down the tracks. How much he has grown. And on our way home, he thanked me for his special day. Oh me, 1,094 days and counting and our first Birthday Adventure is in the books.

Trying to be THREE...

2010-06-04T14:46:00.004-05:00

In a few short days, my Big Brownie will officially be 3 years old. It breaks my heart and my heart rejoices at the same time at the thought of having a 3 year old. It has been a week of breaking out for Big Brownie.

We FINALLY threw our favorite companion away. I have taken the "Binkie" away from Big Brownie before as a punishment for misbehaving several times. I felt so guilty in how it was taken, that ultimately, I gave it back. So, I decided that we needed to do this openly and together. Tuesday night, I explained to Big Brownie that this would be his final night with his old friend. He could sleep with his "Binkie" one last time and then in the morning we would throw "Binkie" in the trash can. I asked him if he understood, "Yes Ma'am" was his reply. I asked him to repeat what we had discussed, "I understand that tonight I will get to sleep with 'Binkie' one last time. In the morning when we wake, I will throw 'Binkie' in the trash can." So off to bed he went happy and content.

The next morning after we rose from our slumber, I asked Big Brownie, "Where is your 'Binkie'?" He had put them on his dresser as he had done for the past couple of months. I asked him to go upstairs and get them. I asked him, "Do you remember what we are going to do with 'Binkie'?" He said, "Yes, we are going to put him in the trash can." So, he went upstairs, retrieved his old friend and gently placed him in the trash can. With that, the "Binkie" is now gone. A bit of a snag in that Little Brownie uses the exact same type of pacifier as Big Brownie. So, Little Brownie only gets his "Binkie" at nap time and bedtime and his old friend is left in his crib. This helps in the temptation of Big Brownie going back to his old addiction. Rest-In-Peace "Binkie". You will be missed.

Our second big milestone is that Big Brownie is officially 100% potty trained. We have gone 4 consecutive nights without a diaper/training pants. He has gotten up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and back to bed he goes without so much as a peep. I was down to my last couple of size 6 diapers and DREADED the idea of buying more. Big Brownie came upstairs Sunday night and said, I don't want to wear a diaper tonight, I want to wear my underwear. And with that simple, BIG BOY statement, he is just that...a BIG BOY!

In that he seems to be growing up so fast, these two big markers in his life complete and the fact that he will be 3 years old, he is trying to find his boundaries. Our boundaries are very clear in the this house. Listen and pay attention to what you are told. Act immediately to our requests. Be kind and considerate to others and their belongings. Apologize when you have disobeyed and forgive when someone has hurt your feelings. Hug and Kiss the people you love often. Speak clearly and use your words. It is okay to be upset, mad or sad, however, you may not be disrespectful when you feel this way. Take a deep breathe and calm down. These are a couple of the things the Brownies hear on a daily basis. Even when boundaries are clearly laid out, it is their job to test these boundaries. It is my job to enforce these boundaries.

Now that we no longer have the "Binkie" to use as punitive damages, other privileges are beginning to come in to play. Yesterday, Peanut Butter Fudge came over to play. The Brownies had a BLAST with him. Aunt Fudge picked up P.B. Fudge before everyone got up from their naps. As Big Brownie woke, he asked if P.B. Fudge could go outside and play in the water. I explained that P.B. Fudge had already left. Big Brownie didn't really recover from being upset to the fact that P.B. Fudge was no longer here. He threw a nasty fit.

As he finally calmed down, I began to prepare dinner. This is a time the boys usually get to watch some of their favorite DVD's, VHS tapes or television programs. It keeps them occupied and out of the kitchen. As we sat down to eat dinner, I turned the TV off and we said our prayer. I'll admit, I have a flaw. I CANNOT stand baby talk. Big Brownie is well aware of this hot button and will push it often. Most of the time, I try to ignore it. I can explain the consequence to this action and take a deep breathe myself, but last night, I was already at DEF CON 3. I took a deep breath and ignored it. When Big Brownie realized that wasn't getting the reaction he wanted, he pushed another hot button...banging his fork on the table. I attempted to ignore this, until Little Brownie thought it was funny too and began to join in. Trying to keep a "Monkey see, Monkey do" situation from arising, I told Little Brownie to stop, which he did. I told Big Brownie that he had a choice. If he continued on with the banging, he would not be allowed to go outside after supper was complete. Wanna take a guess which choice he made? Yep, no outside time for him.

As supper progressed, he ultimately dumped his plate full of food onto the floor. I officially declared supper time over and Daddy Brown could tell I had moved to DEF CON 4. He whisked Little Brownie up and outside they went. I explained to Big Brownie that not only was he not going outside, but there would be NO television for the rest of the night. Consequently, another fit ensued. Taking deep breaths and keeping my cool, I went upstairs locked all the bedroom doors except Big Brownie bedroom door. I explained that he needed to go to his room, keep his door open so I could hear him and he could be upset in his room. As he calmed down, he creeped down the stairs and told me he needed to use the bathroom. I agreed and when he was done, explained that he needed to return to his room for some quiet time.

He complied and before long, he was playing in his room quietly. I came upstairs and explained why he was there. I explained what was unacceptable in how he behaved. He understood and said he was very sorry. I told him that I forgave him. We went on the rest of the night in similar fashion, however, I'm pleased to say, I made it without spanking him. I made it without losing my mind and without losing my cool completely.

I don't like the cliche of "Terrible Three's". I don't like to use words like terrible or bad. I like to use words like unacceptable behavior and uncooperative action. I never want my babies to think that I think they are bad or terrible kids...because they are not. They are TRYING me. They are TESTING me. They are looking for me to give them discipline, guidance and direction. Along with love, kindness and most importantly, forgiveness. It may take a few more steps for me to try out these techniques. It would be easier to yell at the top of my lungs at them and spank them. And I do yell at them at times, before I take my deep breath and before I have calmed down. I do explain to Big Brownie that he has a choice when making a decision. He can comply with my request or I can use my "Ugly" voice. He doesn't like my "Ugly" voice and will do as asked most of the time. I do believe in spanking, but as I have said before, that is an ultimate punishment.

Big Brownie is brilliant. He has a great second nature of seeing emotion in people. He can tell if someone is mad or sad or happy or proud. I'm so extremely proud of the little young man he has become. I am so happy that he has a grasp and understanding of his place in our family. I hope and pray everyday that he will continue to "Try" me so that I can teach him right from wrong. I accepted the responsibility of being his mother. I accepted the responsibility of being his teacher. As he is trying to be three, we accept the responsibility of showing him all the love and compassion that we have to give, while guiding him to be a man of mercy and a man of grace. For now, he is almost three and still every bit my baby...my Big Brownie.

On the wagon again...

2010-05-28T09:56:00.007-05:00

So, yes, it has been a while since I've posted. Been dealing with some internal struggles with de-cluttering my house, my mind and my body. I am an all or nothing kinda gal. I'm all in or all out. I Go Big or Go Home. I have always struggled in all the above areas without success of having a good balance. Since having the Brownies, my priorities have shifted. Shifted primarily to my boys. I don't usually give myself much time to decompress.

I fell off the workout wagon about 2 months ago. I gained all 6-8 pounds that I had lost and added 2 more. Ugh...seriously. The vicious cycle of lose and gain has reached out and got me again. I went to a 3 year old birthday party last weekend. After my friend posted pictures from the party, I saw a picture of myself that was my wake-up call once again. I think I have an image of what I look like and when I see myself in a mirror, it really isn't reality. Same thing when an anorexic person looks in the mirror and sees fat...I see fat, but I don't REALLY see it. So, when I see myself in a photograph, I usually want to gag and puke.

However, a bad photograph is great motivator and with that, I'm back on the wagon. A gentle push from Aunt Fudge hasn't hurt either. Having someone else to be a little bit accountable to helps. Someone that has the same desire to lose weight and be healthy. Not that Aunt Fudge has nearly the amount of weight to lose, nevertheless, it helps to have someone else to encourage you. Daddy Brown and all my family are a great support system as well. Daddy Brown gives out encouragement on a regular basis.

Today, my goal doesn't only entail my original goal of losing 50 pounds before the end of the year, but a short term goal. I want to run a 5K marathon. I have always wanted to run in a marathon...ALWAYS! I would ultimately like to participate in a triathlon. I am terrible at running, I am terrible at riding a bike and I am terrible at swimming. So let me just put that out there in the universe. However, there is no time like the present to get on the wagon and strive to reach some goals while I'm still young, while I can still get out there and make a change in my life. I need to do this for myself. I need to do it for my boys.

I downloaded a program from the Internet...Couch to 5K. It should take me 9 weeks to get there. I am going "ALL IN". I am registering now to participate in a local 5K run on August 21st. I am committing to 30 minutes a day, 3 days a week for 9 weeks to reach my goal. Doesn't seem like a lot when I say it out loud. However, my shins, hamstrings, knees and calf muscles tell a different story. I will chart my progress. My longer term goal is to run a local 5K in each of the following months to December. That should keep me moving in the right direction of continued health as opposed to meeting a goal and marking it off the list. I wrote a post back in February about "Exercise is not negotiable". I had forgotten that motto. I had forgotten that everyday that I don't get up and do something for myself, and exercise is for myself, I'm going to continue to look in the mirror and see the same old me. Not the me I am inside, not the me that I know I am.

I recently read a post of a gentlemen that is charting his 5K and weight loss journey. He has some very poignant and raw posts. I understand everyone of them. I'm there too. I want to encourage you to get back on the wagon. And remember...

"Where I am today, is where MY mind put me. Where I'll be tomorrow is where MY mind will put me. When I look down at myself, the only thing that causes me to look the way I do, is MY mind and MY will!" ~Billy Blanks

In Jesus name we pray...

2010-05-21T10:03:00.003-05:00

So, I know it has been a little while since I have made a post. We have been stricken with a sick Little Brownie, I've had an eye infection and Daddy Brown likely has a sinus infection. We are holding out that Big Brownie stays healthy. It has been a nice little break, but I have so many things to share.

Today, I'm praying for a friend. She is pregnant with her 3rd little girl and today she is on her way to the doctors office. We are in prayer that she and baby girl are fine. I have prayed all morning long...declaring their safety, praying for the Good Lord's spirit of calm to wrap them as they make their way to the doctors office. As I have stopped to pray aloud, Big Brownie has asked me, "What are you doing Mama?" I told him, "I'm praying for our friend." He said, "Oh, why are you praying for her?" I explained, "She is having a baby and we need to pray that the baby is safe." He said, "Ok Mama, take my hand and let's pray together." So precious and heartfelt my child. If you have a moment, please say a prayer for our friend. She is 39 weeks pregnant and we are ready to welcome their new addition to the world!

This opened the door to having our first discussion about..."Where do babies come from?" I told him that there was a baby inside of our friend's belly. I explained that she will go to the doctor and the doctor will help her bring her baby into the world. He asked, "How did the baby get in there?" I told him, "The love our friend and her husband have created a baby. That God put a special seed in her belly. That seed has made a baby and it has been growing in her belly." Amazingly, he understood. He replied, "You mean just like in our garden?" I said, "Exactly like our garden". I'm always amazed at his comprehension of what seems to be a complicated topic. He did ask, "Can we put a seed in your belly and we can make a baby too?" I told him, "Only God can put the special seed in Mommy's belly and I don't think I have a seed growing right now". I think he was a little disappointed.

I promise I'll share more soon. I wish for you a blessed Friday and wonderful weekend. With all my love...Mama Brown.

Mothers...

2010-05-09T02:35:00.002-05:00

I believe in my heart of hearts that the Good Lord meant for me to be in this world for a reason. There have been times in my life that I have struggled internally in search of what that purpose really is supposed to be. People have entered into my life and some have exited. However, there are a few people that remain constant. I feel very fortunate that my life path up to this point, has been a fairy tale in many ways. I was swept off my feet by the love of my life. I have two beautiful healthy children. I have a beautiful and loving family that love and care for me unconditionally and I them.

Being a Mom, is one of the hardest jobs in the entire world. It is a 24 hour a day job and we work 7 days a week. I sometimes have a mini vacation when the kids take a long nap or when Daddy takes over for a short time. However, there is nothing like the unsolicited "I love you" that comes from my boys lips and the request of hugs and kisses that happen on a daily basis. There is no sweeter sight than the peaceful look on my child's face as he sleeps in my arms or the touch of my baby's hand as he rubs my arm when I hold him tight. Being a Mom for me has so many rewards. I'm now blessed to know that my purpose is to be the best Mom to my Brownies. I could not have been more prepared to be a Mom, had it not been for special people in my life.

In honor of Mother's Day, I wanted to share a little bit about two Mom's in particular...my Mom (Tutu Nani) and Daddy Brown's Mom (Gran Gran).

My mom is one of the strongest women I know. She has so much determination in life. She is eternally optimistic and always looks first to see the good in people. She has taught me that I can do absolutely anything in my life I choose. She inspires me to be a good mom. She helps to pick me up when I'm low and I know I can talk to her literally anytime of the day or night. She will stop anything she is doing at the drop of a hat to help me or her family. We have spent a lot of time together lately. Time that is so precious to me. She travels with her job a lot, but she always makes time to be a part of our lives. I love my mom with all my heart and I am thankful everyday that the Lord picked her to be my mom. She has great faith and is very caring. I feel I got a great balance of my parents. I am somewhat technical and mechanical which I get from my Dad. And my Mom, I got her "Go get 'em" attitude among many other likenesses. I remember one day as I was walking past the bathroom mirror, I took a quick glance as I was exiting the room. In that split second, I saw my mom. There she was looking back at me. It was further validation that, yep, I'm just like her...and that is fine by me!

Gran Gran is another special mom. Now going on 16 years of having her in my life, I am one of the luckiest daughter-in-laws in the world. She is a true blessing to me. She is a superior mom to Daddy Brown. She is my "Go-to" spiritual advisor. I am always in awe of her faith that is so unwavering. She loves her children, all of her children, with every fiber in her body. I don't think I have ever heard her say a cross word about anyone in the 16 years I've known her. She also inspires me to be a good Mom. One of my favorite "Mom" memories of Gran Gran is when I was preparing to be married to her son. I had a wedding dress fitting and unfortunately, it fell on a day that my mom was out of town. Because of our wedding date and my mom's travel schedule, we could not postpone the fitting. I called Gran Gran and asked her to be my stand-in Mom. I remember feeling so comfortable with her there. I will always remember the look on her face when she saw me in my dress. And I'll remember the laughs we shared as I pranced around in my dress wearing my brown dress shoes. I knew on that day that I'd love her forever.

Yes, I'm very fortunate and very blessed to have 2 very special Mom mentors in my life. They love on me and Daddy Brown and The Brownies every chance they get. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's in the world today, but a special Happy Mother's Day to Tutu Nani and Gran Gran! I love you both very much!

Ever blessed....

2010-05-08T01:04:00.003-05:00

For those who might live in a tunnel and haven't heard the news, we had record breaking rains in our area last weekend. It was somewhat frightening to have a real threat of a tornado, rising waters and flooding. As I began gathering all the essential supplies, in the event we needed to run to the safe place in our home, I went through my mental checklist, shoes...check, bottled water...check, flashlight...check, waterproof matches...check, crank radio...check, snacks and lollipops for the boys...check, first aid kit...check, and the list goes on and on. Fear is not a normal emotion and I don't like to feel it. When the tornado came through Nashville in 1998, I was in a nearby area working. We shuffled into our neighboring interior office space for cover. We were safe...thankfully. For months after that day, I felt fear. If a storm was coming, Daddy Brown would find me huddled in the closet almost in tears. I was paralyzed in fear for a long time. Something that still crosses my mind when I hear tornado warnings and watches being issued.

This week has not been about fear for me. It has been about the spirit of all the volunteers that have showed up with a servant heart to help in anyway needed. My heart aches and breaks for the people that have been devastated by the flooding. My parents had water enter their basement. Thankfully, my sister was there when it happened and was able to move anything that would be damaged out of harms way. Tutu Nani, the Brownies and I drove to some of the areas that were hardest hit this week. We delivered cleaning supplies, water, Gatorade and cash to those who have lost all of their worldly possessions. Just think about having to start over. Seeing your precious belongings that you have worked your entire life, displayed as trash on your front lawn. We visited a friend that my sisters and I went to school with. Her mother-in-law's home was in the middle of one of the hardest hit areas. As we drove down the road, I began to tear up. Her street looked like a scene from a movie. It looked like something we would have seen in the rebuilding stages of Hurricane Katrina.

As we found her mother-in-law's house, we parked and I got out to find our friend. Her mother-in-law was crouched in the front yard trying to salvage 25 years worth of photographs and precious antique lace that was made by her mother. Lace that was to be passed on to her grandchildren. My voice broke several times, my eyes watered and we embraced her. However, I wouldn't let myself cry. I was there to listen and lend encouraging words. We walked into her home. Drywall and insulation had been ripped from the studs at least 4 or 5 feet high from the ground. Her clothes were hanging over the backyard fence to dry. To my amazement, there were at least 15-20 people working in her home to remove the debris. As we talked to them further, they said these people were a gift. They were volunteers that had showed up to help and most of them, they didn't even know.

As we stood in the street looking at the devastation, a construction crew came walking down the street. The crew chief asked, "We heard there is an elderly man that lives down here and doesn't have anyone to help him. Our labor is free and we are here to help." My heart swelled as they shared story after story of volunteers showing up to help clean and clear out homes. Volunteers that brought sack lunches, hot meals, bottles of water and ice. It was amazing to me. As we were leaving, we saw a family camping in a tent on their front lawn. Because of all the debris on their lawn, you could have driven by without even noticing.

This experience has made me feel eternally thankful and grateful. I have a roof over my head and I have a belly full of food. I was able to put my babies to bed in a warm, dry home with clean clothes and a fresh bath. I don't have to worry about my next meal and I don't have to worry about where I will lay my head tonight. I'm counting my blessings. The Lord is Supreme. Even in tragedy, his people rise up to help their fellow neighbors. No one knows what the next day, hour or even minute will bring. Live in the now. Not in the past and not in the future, but in today, in this moment. Hug and kiss the people you love. Heck, hug and kiss the people you don't care for. They may need it more than you know. Show up and play in the front yard of life. You may be surprised what it holds for you. You may be enlightened in the people that your life's path will cross. You may be an encouragement for someone who sees no hope. Through this tragedy, I find myself thankful. Through this volunteer spirit, I find myself grateful. Through his love, I am ever blessed.

Say What Wednesday...

2010-05-05T10:04:00.004-05:00

I have terrible arachnophobia. Spiders are my Achilles heel. Before having the Brownies, if I saw a spider, I would either close off that room until Daddy Brown came home to "deal" with the situation, or I'd just leave the house. However, having two Brownies now, I don't want them to be afraid of bugs...especially since they are boys. So, I've had to buck up and not show any fear when it comes to insects. I pick up worms and caterpillars in the yard. I catch bugs for the Brownies to look at and admire. Sometimes, a bug is out of reach and I just have to move on with my day as if it doesn't exist. This was the scenario yesterday. Big Brownie and I were in the kitchen. He looked up and saw a HUGE black spider on the ceiling. It was one of those that was a little fuzzy with a white dot. I think pretty harmless, except for the fact that it was a SPIDER! Big Brownies said, "Look Mommy, a spider. You need to get it!" I told him, "We will leave it for Daddy to get when he gets home. Mommy can't reach him all the way up there." He said, "Oh, okay" and he disappeared from the kitchen. A few minutes later, he comes running into the kitchen and says, "Mama, I'll get the spider!" I turned around to see him and he had an M&M's holiday fan from his Easter basket. He jumped onto a stepping stool, reached his hands high in the air and turned the fan on. His plan was to blow the spider down the wall so we could get it. It just so happen that the spider started to crawl on the ceiling and he exclaimed, "IT'S WORKING MAMA...GET HIM!" But, as the spider wasn't really affected by the M&M wind, he stopped and camped out in the same position for the rest of the day. Nonetheless, I was happy to see him try to come up with a solution.

Big Brownie has officially graduated to underwear. It took some time, but I finally put my foot down and told Big Brownie he had to wear underwear. And just like that, he wears it everyday. We enjoys sprinkling his "yellow water" about any chance he gets. He pee-pee'd in Andy's water bowl in the kitchen. I have caught him several times with pants down and squatting to hit the bowl since. I tell him, "Andy's water bowl is not the toilet. You have to use the potty!" He reluctantly say, "Okay Mama." A few days ago, we were in the kitchen and I was putting away the dishes. I heard an unfamiliar noise behind me. I turned around and Big Brownie was peeing in Andy's food cup while standing on a stepping stool. I said, "Why did you pee-pee in Andy's food cup?" He said, "Well, I had to pee-pee real bad and I just looked down and I saw Andy's yellow food cup, so I just pee-pee'd in his cup and it was FUN!"

So, do you find yourself telling your kids, "Eat 2 more bites and then you can be done?" I do. Big Brownie is very familiar with this and Little Brownie is getting the knack. And it is funny how little ones take your words so literal. I told Little Brownie last week he had to eat 1 more bite and then he could have some grapes. He complied and as he was chewing his last bite, I said, "Chew it all up". He started chewing his food while looking "UP"! It was hilarious. Big Brownie has been doing that forever and I never caught on. When I say, "Chew it UP", they think I am telling them to chew their food while they are looking UP! See, I totally would have missed that one if I didn't have a second Brownie!

Last year, Daddy Brownie finally decided I was old enough to have a garden. I have wanted a garden for years. He felt that I was working so much that he would be the one tending, weeding and such as opposed to the one "ME" who really wanted it. So, now that I'm a stay at home mama, he agreed that with dual work, we could venture into the gardening world. We had a great harvest for our first year. We had corn, beans, (TONS) of cucumbers, carrots, lettuce, potatoes, cantaloupe and watermelons. This year, I planted tomatoes, corn, lettuce, bush beans and black beans, cantaloupe and cucumbers. I even talked Daddy Brown into having my own pumpkin patch. Whoo-hoo! Not sure with the rain and flooding we had this weekend what will actually come up since some of our seed were washed away at the bottom of the garden. However to my surprise, upon further inspection yesterday, I have some sprouts. The Brownies love to check on the garden with me. Unfortunately, they really don't understand that when we see a sprout, we leave it in the ground. To them, it's harvest time! Ugh...I have tried to keep my cool when a bean plant gets pulled, or my tomato plant gets a good yank. Big Brownie told me yesterday, "Good job mom, our garden looks SO de-wicious!" Little Brownie bends down and looks at the sprouts closely and say, "Look Mama, Mommy, Mommy...a BEAN!" We will see if we get anything out of our garden this year with the help of our new farmers!

Just call me Mama "Green"...

2010-05-04T14:32:00.005-05:00

So, I will admit it, I'm not a tree hugger...Gasp! I have not been a fan of all the "Green" PSA, news reports and global warming. I have boycotted products that adorn the words, Organic, Free-range, environmentally friendly, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeding my kids foods that are soaked with sodium nitrates, partially hydrogenated oils, trans fats, etc. I do read labels...a lot. I feel like I'm a pretty informed mother. I try to choose healthier version of most anything. I choose to cook meats and whole chickens that are antibiotic and hormone free, and I make homemade chicken stock so not to waste any opportunity. We try not eat overly salted and overly processed foods. We eat whole wheat bread and I use whole wheat flour and brown sugar as opposed to the highly processed white versions. However, I do not automatically buy anything because it has been marketed to me as healthier, or because it came from a store named "Whole Foods". I have nothing against these types of stores or brands. I simply get angry when foods and products that are "better" for us are so much more expensive than their less healthier, non-environmentally friendly counter parts. I coupon and I buy on sale. I would consider us to be a very frugal family and we definitely work inside of a budget.

Last week, I was looking through my blog roll and I saw someone write a post on home-made cleaning products. I have been a die-hard fan of Clorox, Windex, ALL laundry detergent and Lysol for many years. I added vinegar and water to my cleaning arsenal a few months ago and have had great results. So when I saw her post, I was intrigued. She had recipes for just about everything from toilet bowl cleaner to laundry detergent. I jotted down some of the ingredients and mixtures. I went to our local Kroger Marketplace because they have an organic section and knew some of my items were specialty. I was surprised to find almost everything I needed at Kroger's.

The product I was most excited about trying...homemade laundry detergent. I brought in my bar of soap and grated it with vigor, poured in my washing soda and Borax. I shook my glass jar to mix my ingredients and ran upstairs to try my first load. I even used distilled white vinegar as my fabric softener. I washed the DIRTIEST items I could find. You know the ones that you might have to wash twice to make sure they are clean. I had 2 towels that had been used to clean up puppy and Big Brownie pee-pee from the floor that were ready to be washed. I added some other towels that had been used to clean up messes, not just clean bodies.

I WAS SHOCKED! They were so clean when they emerged from the washing machine and they smelled so wonderful. I would even venture to say it did a better job than my traditional laundry detergent. It is pretty cost effective as well. Borax was $3.99 a box, Arm & Hammer Washing Soda was $2.79 a box and I bought a vegetable based bar of soap that was $2.19 a bar. While I do use coupons when buying laundry detergent, this recipe cost about the same per load. But the catch for me, I know what is in the detergent. Did you know that commercial detergents do not list hazardous chemicals in their ingredients...because they don't have too? That was astounding to me and scary at the same time. What else may I be using to clean my house or the Brownies toys that could be harmful not just to the environment, but to us in our own home?

So, I know my clothes are getting clean and I am now using a "Green" product. Today, I'll be making my own soft scrub and using my vinegar and baking soda to clean the bathrooms. Still not a tree-hugger, still skeptical to all the hype surrounding anything "Green", still upset to pay more for "Organic" foods, but happy to be doing my part to help the environment and most importantly, my Brownies. Yep, don't call me Mama Brown today...call me Mama Green! :)

http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/recipe-index
scroll to the bottom of the page to see her recipes for homemade products. Unfortunately, I can't remember the blog name that I found last week. If I find it, I'll post it too.

Found it...http://thepleasuresofhomemaking.blogspot.com/2010/05/making-your-own-cleaning-products.html

Say What Wednesday...

2010-04-28T09:11:00.003-05:00

Do you ever hear a statement and immediately know something is going on? Mine from Big Brownie is..."Oh no!" and for Little Brownie it is, "Uh oh!"

Big Brownie has graduated to pee-pee in the potty like a big boy. He stands on his tippy-toes, points and shoots. He is so proud of himself and we are so proud of him. Well, until I heard, "Oh no!" last night. He had ran into the bathroom...at the last minute mind you. He barely got his pants and underwear down. I could hear pee-pee, but it wasn't a splash in the potty. OH NO is right! It was on the wall, the floor, on the toilet and on the carpet outside of the bathroom. He said, "I'm sorry Mama, I'm just trying to use the bathroom like a BIG BOY!" And then he said, "I'm sorry Mama, it was an accident and accidents happen!" His sweet little face could have melted an ice cap.

Little Brownie is a talking machine. Somethings you can understand him clearly and other things I just nod my head. He came into the kitchen, while I had the fridge open and said, "JUICE!" I told him to say "Please, may I have some juice". He said, "PWWWWEASE I some JUICE!" That was good enough in my book, so I handed him his juice and told him to sit in his chair to drink it. I closed the fridge, and began preparing a snack for them. I hear, "UH OH MAMA, UH OH!" I came around the corner and he is squeezing the juice box onto our new puppy Andy, and the floor and the couch and the carpet! The memory of my mom's voice ran through my head with this statement...you know the one, "I can't have anything NICE!" I find myself having more patience than I ever thought I would. Surprisingly, I didn't get upset. I just told Little Brownie that was unacceptable and that he had to sit on the couch for a time out.

Now, time outs are a whole-nother subject altogether. My boys actually enjoy taking a little break to think about what they have done. If you remember a post back several months ago, I introduced the "Green Square" as a tool of discipline. When Big Brownie is being disciplined, he will ask me, "Do I need to sit on the green square?" We also have a brown square, yellow square and orange square too. Because we now have Andy, who loves to jump, lick and play with the Brownies every chance he gets, a kid sitting on the floor just isn't going to happy most days. So, we have reverted to using the couch or the chair in the living room as time out spaces. Still proud to say, we haven't spanked our Brownies. There are days that I will threaten for inappropriate behavior. The words, "If you don't stop, I'll...." come out of my mouth and I usually hesitate because "I'll spank you" would have NO MEANING to them. So, for now, timeouts work well for us.

We have had 2 deaths in our family this past week. Sadly, Daddy Brown's Uncle T past away last Wednesday afternoon after losing his battle with cancer. I also had a great Uncle in North Carolina that also lost his battle with cancer on Tuesday. When explaining a death to Big Brownie, such as Bubba and Sissy, we tell him that they have gone to heaven with Baby Jesus and we will see them again one day. So, as we were getting ready to say our nighttime prayer last week, we got to the part that we usually pray for Uncle T. I told Big Brownie that Uncle T had gone to heaven with Bubba and Sissy and Jesus. He said, "Awww, but I want to see him and he wants to see me. Mama, please tell him you are sorry so he can come see me. I know he wants me!" How sweet is that? I explained, "Uncle T is in heaven now and although I know he wants to see you, he can't. He is no longer with us. But he is playing in heaven with Bubba and Sissy. And he is no longer sick and he is talking to Jesus everyday." He looked at me and said, "Well, ok! Did you tell him you are sorry? It will make him feel all better." What a sweet precious spirit he has. They make me smile and laugh and cry almost everyday.

Original Meme by Mama Brown...

2010-04-26T15:45:00.004-05:00

So...a few days ago Farmwife over at Memoirs of a Farm Wife posted an Original Meme about house work. I laughed so hard and it has taken me a few days to complete this post with everything that has been going on around here. Here goes...she listed 11 questions to be answered. If you like, play along and post your answers here as a comment or on your own blog.

A Housework Meme Just for You.

Do you have a daily cleaning routine? Well, I'll say this...I have every intention of having a cleaning routine everyday. I try to get a load of dishes done everyday...sometimes with the help of Daddy Brown and I try to complete 2 loads of laundry...most of the time with the help of The Brownies. Aside from that, I have routines I complete each week...change sheets on Mondays, scrub bathrooms, on Tuesday, wipe down toys and clean windows on Wednesday, etc. I like to spread out my cleaning throughout the week and then play the rest of the time with the Brownies and Daddy Brown.
Do you cook on a regular basis? Yes, I feel like I cook all the time. Sometimes that means a big hearty meal and sometimes that means sandwiches and soup. It just depends on the day, sometimes the weather and most importantly, what everyone is up for eating.
Do you wear aprons? No, I wish I could remember to do so. I have ruined many shirts from cooking. I do have several aprons, I just forget to put one on. Thanks to Farmwife, I think I will try to start using one on a regular basis.
Do you make beds on a regular basis? No, not really. Little Brownie has a small blanket and pillow in his crib. I usually throw the blanket over the side of the crib. Big Brownie sleeps with 2 blankets in his bed and they enjoy jumping on his bed throughout the day, so making up his bed would be pointless. As for my bed, unless we are going to have company, I usually roll out of it in the morning and roll back into it at night. We do straighten the blankets and sheets before we get in at night but that is mostly to keep each other from taking to much to their side of the bed.
Not truly a house work question, but it will still fit: What do you call the three meals you eat a day? Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner (sometimes I call Dinner, Supper)
How many loads of laundry do you wash in a week? Realistically, I feel like I could do 20 loads a week and I would not get caught up. I would say I accomplish anywhere from 7 to 15 loads a week. The reason, I have two helpers that are here with me 24/7 and they LOVE to do the laundry. I think I re-wash so many clean clothes. The Brownies like to take clothes out of drawers and put them in the laundry baskets or all over their floor. I have a bit of an phobia that needs some therapy...if it hits the ground, in my mind it's dirty, so it gets rewashed...I know I said I needed some therapy...OK, get over it! :)
What is your least favorite chore? Sacking up the trash. I would rather get another trash bag out and start filling it as opposed to sacking up the trash. I have no idea why, but I HATE IT! Daddy Brown helps out with this one most of the time.
What's your favorite chore? Scrubbing the bathroom. I'm totally with Farmwife that there is a certain level of instant gratification that comes with a clean bathroom. The Brownies love to play in the bathroom and since it is a germ and bacteria fiesta with potty training, I try to keep those rooms in good shape.
Do you keep a company ready house (or attempt to) or go for that comfortably lived in look or could you be on your own Hoarding: Buried Alive episode on TLC? I'm in the process of de-cluttering my house, so I've pulled out years and years of junk in preparing for a yard sale. Most other times, we are comfortably lived in. You will rarely enter my house where there aren't toys on the floor, dishes in the sink and counter tops to be wiped down. The Brownies love to play with crayons and thanks to the Magic eraser, I get to wipe down the walls and doors on a weekly basis. I enjoy playing with my boys and try to hit the cleaning front during nap time. That is, if all the Brownies slept well and I myself don't need a nap. And fortunately, what I don't get done today, will be here tomorrow.
I once heard on the radio that 90% of women clean house like their mothers. Do you? Yes, I do. She taught my sisters and I, beginning at a young age, to complete cleaning tasks. I remember her telling us that it needed to be done as if she had cleaned it and she would show us how MANY times. So, it has been ingrained in me the proper way to mop the floor, vacuum and even iron. Oh, I think ironing should probably be my least favorite, but I don't think it qualifies if you NEVER do it right. I take that back, one day last week I felt real domestic. I woke up at 6:30a with Big Brownie and pulled all of Daddy Brown's short sleeve shirts out of the closet and ironed them all. Go figure!
(For the mothers out there) Do you expect your children to help out around the house? To what extent? Yes, I absolutely expect them to help. They are great helpers. They love helping me with the laundry. Little Brownie loves to help unload the dishwasher, but I think that is a ploy sometimes to stand in the dishwasher and be as tall as Big Brownie. Big Brownie is my gopher. I will tell him his is a good helper and that I'm so proud of him. He loves earning praise. He usually replies, "Thanks Mama! I am, I am a big helper!" However, they do not do anything on their own, so if I ask them to put their juice on the table as opposed to the floor, they will comply at that moment, but will need to be reminded in an hour. I give them a little slack since they are only 18 months and almost 3 years old. They have time to put many tasks to memory in the years to come.

So? How about you?

Say What Wednesday...

2010-04-21T06:11:00.001-05:00

Please tell me it hasn't already started...what? Big Brownie is my backseat driver. He asked me if he could drive on Monday. I told him he could drive in 14 years. He said that was awesome!

A couple of weeks ago, we came home from Tutu Nani's house and it was dark. Big Brownie usually sits behind me and Little Brownie behind the passengers seat. On this particular night, for whatever reason, I put Big Brownie behind the passenger seat and Little Brownie behind me. Because Big Brownie wasn't used to riding on that side of the car, every mailbox, tree or sign we approached he yelled..."WATCH OUT YOU ARE GOING TO HIT IT MAMA!" This was not funny in the least at the time to me because I was driving at night. I finally had to tell him that he had to be quiet. He complied and we when got home he said, "Whew, we made it home safe."

He has also began to understand the "Rules of the Road". We stop at a stop light and he says, "Mama, why are we stopping?" I explain the stop light...red means stop, green means go. When we approach a stop light or a stop sign now, he helps me by YELLING, "Mama, make sure you stop at the stop sign so we can be safe!" I haven't even ventured to explain the yellow light. I am afraid he'll yell at me..."SLOW DOWN!" Anyway, he keeps me in check for sure of all railroad crossing and school zones.

Okay, I don't know about you, but I think the TLC series "Hoarding, buried alive" is the best show on network television today. If you have a touch of hoarding in your body, like me, you should watch this show. I have began de-cluttering my house in hope of keeping an intervention from being in my future. This is difficult for me though. Every item has a sentiment and/or emotion. I pulled out all the Brownies baby clothes and I look at this shirt or that sweater and it takes me back to the time they wore it. Parting with some of my "stuff" has been difficult, but certainly watching Hoarding has helped. I think de-cluttering is rubbing off on the Brownies. Big Brownie came into the playroom yesterday and said, "Mama, what are you doing?" I said, "Well, I'm going through your toys so we can have a yard sale." He said, "Oh, what is a yard sale?" I said, "Well, we will put our stuff out in the driveway and let others come to see if they can use it and then they will buy it." He looked at me funny and said, "We need to clean up this big mess and then we can have a BIG YARD sale. I want my friends to come and see me and buy all my messy stuff and give me 1 whole dollar."

Little Brownie is getting so big in his britches. He imitates so much of Big Brownies words and actions. I have started trying to give him 2 and 3 action commands for example..."pick up your shoes and take them to the shoe basket" or "take your binkie out of your mouth, go upstairs and put it in your bed". He follows direction surprising well, when he wants too. It amazes me how much he understands and how it clicks. He has been extra cranky with these new teeth as they are cutting through. Lord have mercy, it seems like that child has a tooth ALWAYS cutting. The other day I was having one of those days that I could have crawled into the fetal position and cried. I will frequently make statement like, "You are killin' me" or "Lord have mercy". On this particular day I said, "Help me Jesus" as he was struggling with me to put his diaper on. Later in the day, he and Big Brownie were outside playing and I was doing the dishes. I had the back door and the back window open and was watching them play. All of a sudden, I heard, "HELLLLPPPPP!" I came running as they were fighting over a toy. I made it down the steps to referee the situation. As I approached, I heard Little Brownie exclaim, "HESSUS, HEP ME, HEP ME, HESSUS!" Translation..."Jesus help me, help me Jesus!" At least my mini-prayers to Jesus throughout the day are better for them to exclaim than the occasional curse word that rolls through my head.

Loving the ZOO...

2010-04-18T12:13:00.008-05:00

Oh my goodness, could the Good Lord deliver weather any more perfect than the past couple of weeks? I think I specially ordered sunshine, a light breeze and an occasional cloud cover. What a treat for us to get out of the house and enjoy the sun. It helps to have a nice big backyard with many "adventures" waiting for us. The Brownies and I have also ventured out of the house. We have made 2 trips to the big city zoo. The boys LOVE to go to the zoo. Thanks to Tutu Nani for providing us the annual membership.

Our first adventure was with Tutu Nani and the boys were so excited to see the elephants, giraffe, cougars, tigers, panda and the blue macaw. For it being our first trip, they were real troopers. Big Brownie loves to push and pull just about anything. Tutu Nani brought a small suitcase on wheels to pack our essentials. Big Brownie pulled that suitcase through the ENTIRE zoo. We were there for at least 5-6 hours and he did not tire. Little Brownie rode in the stroller as we went from exhibit to exhibit. He fussed a little bit about having to get in and out of the stroller, but as long as Tutu Nani was there, he was just fine. We rode the merry-go-round and had some...oh so yummy dippin' dots. Big Brownie got to pee-pee in the grass because nature called and we were too far from the bathroom. With a smile, the park employee assured me she wouldn't tell and that she didn't see a thing.

This past Friday, we went again. This time, with our friends from down the street. Two of the sweetest girls and their sweet prego mama. She is 35 weeks pregnant and trucked up and down those hills like an athlete. This time around, the Brownies knew what to expect. I borrowed Tutu-Nani's small suitcase, anticipating Big Brownie would ask to pull it. And just like the week before, he pulled that suitcase all over the entire zoo. The kids had a blast and I enjoyed some adult conversation. We had another perfect adventure at the zoo. As we were leaving the zoo, Big Brownie asked to see the blue macaw one last time. As we strolled to them before exiting the zoo, he asked to sing them a song. Once again, he belted out his favorite tune, Hawaiian like me, although I had the pleasure of singing with him. As the patrons walked by, Big Brownie didn't stop singing to the 3 blue macaw. I might have softened my voice just a tad, because we were both a little off key. He told them goodbye and that we would see them again next time. So precious. The Lord has blessed me with a gentle and tender-hearted young man. As we walked though the parking lot to the car, we got within 50 feet of the car and I looked back at Big Brownie. He was struggling to the car with his suitcase. He said, "Mom, I'm too tired, I can't pull it any longer." Well, after 6 hours of pulling that suitcase full of snacks and beverages, I'd be tired too. We got in the car and within 2 minutes, out like a light.

I hope we continue to have some of this wonderful season of Spring. Many more adventures to be had and many more places to explore. Most of these pictures were taken either by my sweet mom or by our sweet friend.

Can it be a "Say What Thursday"?

2010-04-15T07:48:00.007-05:00

We have been so busy with Springtime that it would make your tail spin. Last week, we ventured to see donkey's, mule's and "horseeeee's" (as Little Brownie calls them) at the local annual festival. The boys had a great time. Tutu Nani and Aunt Apple went with us to join in the fun. One mule in particular was very vocal. He let out a huge "HEEE-HAWWW" and the boys jumped up into mine and Tutu Nani's arms. Big Brownie said, "Mama, he is going to get me!" I assured him that he was not. We walked around touched the animals. They had a blast. Before we left, we had the traditional foods of the festival...funnel cake, lemonade and PORK RINDS! Lord have mercy the arteries are clogging up again just thinking about the yummy-ness.

The following day, on a whim, I called Tutu Nani and asked if she wanted to go to the city Zoo. Oh what fun we had. The boys saw two blue Macaw's, giraffes, elephants, red pandas and more. The boys LOVED the merry-go-round and dippin' dots. What fun we had! I'll post some pictures soon!

So...here are a few "Say What" moments from the last couple of weeks...

I decided after Big Brownie was just full of himself this past Monday night that I was DONE with the binkie. Makes me wonder...do most Mom and Dad's have a moment where they are so done with the attitude and whining that they do something drastic to get their attention? Is that how most children lose the "binkie" privilege? So, right before bed and after having one of those days, I pulled the Binkie from Big Brownies mouth and I proceeded to tell him he was a big boy. He looked at me and said, "Mama, I'm not big, I'm little like brother and I need my binkie!" I told him he was a big boy and that big boys don't use binkies. The night didn't proceed well from that point. We read books, we prayed and then we sang songs. As I left the room, I think Big Brownie still thought this was a joke. He asked one more time, "May I have my binkie?" Holding firm, I said, "No, you are a big boy and big boys don't use binkies." Well, let the crying begin. Now, if Big Brownie knew cuss words, he certainly would have exclaimed them in his disagreement. He came out of his room crying and I told him to get back in bed. He went back into his room and sat against his door. As he was crying he yelled, "Mama, doesn't want me! Mama doesn't want to hold me! She doesn't want me to have a binkie! I'll just go up into heaven with Baby Jesus and Bubba and Sissy! They will give me a binkie" After a few more giggles, Daddy Brown went in, sang to him and held him. Fast to sleep they both fell. It has been a struggle, but with exception of 1 weak moment in the car, and another moment that Little Brownie decided to share his binkie with Big Brownie, we have been binkie-free.

Big Brownie loves to leave the house for our outings. If there is somewhere he wants to go, i.e., Tutu Nani or Gran Gran's house, he will tell me this..."Mama, where are we going today?" I usually say something like, "We are not going anywhere today" or "We are going to the store." He will say, "Oh, did you know that Tutu Nani wants me?" or "I haven't seen Gran Gran in a LONG time and I know she wants me." He cracks me up with the things he comes up.

Last week I was making cupcakes for dessert. I asked Daddy Brown to keep everyone out of the kitchen because I'm always worried someone is going to get hurt or burned while I'm cooking supper. Little Brownie was sitting on the couch with Daddy Brown and they were watching one of their new VHS movies from Easter. I started the mixer and it made a really loud sound. Little Brownie jumped up into Daddy Brown's lap, got within an inch of his nose and said, "WHAT DAT SOOOOUUUNNNDDDD?" It was so funny! Daddy Brown couldn't contain himself. Every time I turned it on, "WHAT DAT SOUND!"

Yesterday we ended up having our naps in the car. This presents a certain level or crumpyness when the Brownies wake up. Most of the time I can convince them that playing in the backyard is awesome and they get excited and the crumpyness melts away. Well, this was not really the case yesterday. Once they got out of the car, I tried working my magic. My magic wand was a running low on fairy dust, so I got out the lawn mower. I cranked it up and Little Brownie wasn't sure this was okay. Big Brownie came running and jumped on the floor board. Little Brownie jumped up into my arms and with fists clinched tightly to my shirt, we started slowly down the yard. Little Brownie looked up at me and said, "WHEEEEE!"

So, if you keep up with our family, you know we lost our Sissy girl this past Saturday. Tutu Nani watched the boys for us for the day so we could take Sissy to the vet, bring her home and then have a little bit of grieving time before the boys came home. The boys came home and Tutu had already fed them and it was about bedtime. Of course...NO ONE WANTED TO GO TO BED! Big Brownie wanted to watch a video, Little Brownie wanted to play. Because we are a mostly, "roll-with-it" kinda family, we let them stay up and play. Big Brownie looked around and asked about Sissy. We told him that she was in heaven with Bubba and Baby Jesus. Little Brownie still asks about Sissy every morning when he comes downstairs from bed. He says, "Sissy, where are you?" It's adorable...but i digress. So, as we are trying to round up the troops for bed, Little Brownie is wound up tighter than an ant on a hot tin roof. We told him to head upstairs. We have this riding horse setup in the living room. He has a current infatuation with horses and all things related to a farm. He jumps on the horse and starts bucking like a bronco. Twirling around, bouncing up and down and then begins to yell, "YEE-HAW! YEE-HAW!" Daddy Brown and I couldn't contain the laughter. It was priceless and a good giggle for the end of a tough day.

Our Sissy at rest...

2010-04-10T18:15:00.006-05:00

We have had our Bubba and Sissy with us since the 2nd day we moved into our first and current home. We lost our Bubba to brain cancer this past January and today, we lost our Sissy. She is resting peacefully next to her Bubba in the backyard. It has been a difficult 24 hours as she has aggressively deteriorated. Unable to keep her food down, even though she has been on a very bland diet of boiled hamburger and rice for several weeks. She had massive amounts of blood in her stool and she began limping on her back leg last night. She couldn't hardly move as I came into the house last night, barely lifting her head to greet me. Not the way I want to remember my Sissy. My only "daughter" and baby girl per say. Based on her difficulty to move around this morning and throughout last night, we had to make the difficult decision put her to rest.

She has been suffering the affects of her diagnosis back in January of Cushing's Disease. The disease itself doesn't kill an animal, but moreover the side affects they suffer. It's the deterioration and loss of muscle mass, the need to drink immeasurable amounts of water and the organs swell to sizes unrealistic for an animals frame. This was what happen to our Sissy-Boo. Since losing Bubba, we knew that we had a limited amount of time with her. Her little belly was so swollen and we had to restrict her water intake. She has had many moments of revitalization.

Once we got our new puppy Andy, she came back to life. Having a partner again agreed with her. He would play with her and she mothered him. They created a good bond. One of respect and kindness. Sissy never took well to other dogs in her lifetime. She was never socialized before we got her from a Boxer Rescue at the age of 2. We brought her home and on day 2, she growled at Daddy Brown in the backyard. He almost took her back as he was unsure we could keep a dog that showed aggression. Thankfully, I cried and begged for her too stay...and obviously, we made the right decision to be her forever home. Bringing home Andy came with a bit of uncertainty. That was melted away as she showed him his place in the household. She helped to train him. Some good behaviors...and a few bad ones, like begging for food. However, she was impervious to his antics.

Our Sissy Boo was a great companion and an excellent protector. We always called her the watchdog in our household and Bubba was the "cleaner". When we would go outside, Sissy would frequently, "secure the perimeter" and if there was a true threat, Bubba would intercede. She could look really intimidating. Her whole black face and buggy eyes could give anybody the hibby-jibby's. But when we would bring her inside the house, we called her "frail Sissy", because she could look like a whipped dog quicker than any animal I've ever seen. She was not shy of her own vices. She LOVED treats and she loved the trash can. She would walk on burning ashes if asked for a treat. It didn't matter what it was...hot dog, vegetable, a piece of fruit. She loved it all. There wasn't a type of food she didn't find indulgence. She had the most endurance of any animal I've ever had. To the very end, when I made supper in the kitchen, she could stand in the middle of the kitchen and wait for supper to be cooked. Constantly surveying the floor for any morsel that might fall. She never tired and never waned.

I knew when she didn't want to enjoy a bowl of popcorn with me last night that the end was near. I slept downstairs on the floor with her last night. I didn't want her to slip away while she was by herself. I needed to be there if she needed me to let her outside, to rub her belly or kiss her head. As we prepared her for her appointment today, Tutu Nani came to pick up the boys. I asked Daddy Brown if we could take her in our family car. I wanted her to ride in the front seat...shotgun one last time. I rolled the window down for her to hang her head out, but her muscles were too weak. Daddy Brown reached around from the back seat to hold her securely. It was her last venture in the car, which she always LOVED to go for rides. As we reached the vet's office, we gave her one last treat, a pork rind. As we were entering the vet's office, her prey drive kicked in as another dog was leaving. Ever the protector. She would have laid down her life for us. She was a great animal and splendid friend. One that will be missed for many years to come. We are thankful that she is now at peace and no longer in pain. She is playing with her life mate, Bubba and having the time of her life! Our Sissy at rest.

A night we will not forget...

2010-04-08T09:04:00.003-05:00

So, I missed this weeks "Say What Wednesday" for a reason. It's been a tough couple of days for the family. Daddy Brown's Uncle is in town. He has kidney, bone and lung cancer and is not doing well. He was diagnosed as Stage 4 back 7 months ago or so. He came into town last week to see all of the family, likely for the last time. It has been a difficult week for Gran Gran and Pops and for Daddy Brown, Aunt Fudge and Uncle Spice. Big Brownie loves Uncle T. We pray for him every night. When Big Brownie found out Uncle T was in town, he wanted to know when he was going to see him. Big Brownie was sure that Uncle T wanted to see him. Uncle T has 4 grown children Daddy Brown's age. They all came up for Thanksgiving this past year and the youngest son wore a derby hat. Big Brownie calls him "Cowboy".

Last night, we went to Gran Gran and Pops house to see Uncle T. He was so excited to see Uncle T and Cowboy when we got there. Uncle T is very frail and so we talked to Big Brownie before we got there about being gentle and careful. He gave Uncle T a hug and then I said, "Look, there is Cowboy." He looked and looked, but Cowboy was wearing a ball cap, so he wasn't sure it was really him. He gave him a hug and then it was play time. We had a great time eating wonderful food and enjoying great conversation with everyone. Under the beautiful sky of a clear night and cool breeze, it will be a night we will not forget.

I'll share one more thing from last night that scared me too death. We got home late last night from Gran Gran and Pops house. The boys were too excited to eat at the cookout, so I fixed a quick supper for them and we started to get everyone ready for bed. I took Big and Little Brownie upstairs. Little Brownie is cutting a molar and 1 front bottom tooth and has been just flat out ORNERY the last couple of days. Last night, I decided to give him a dose of Ibuprofen Concentrated Infant drops before bedtime. Little Brownie didn't want to take it, so I put the medicine in the syringe, placed the bottle on the dresser and turn around to catch Little Brownie to dispense. Success. I turned around and Big Brownie had the bottle turned up in his mouth and had gulped the medicine down in one failed swoop.

I knew there was not a lot in the bottle because I had to put the syringe to the side to get a dose, but I didn't know exactly how much was in it. I yelled down to Daddy Brown that we had a situation. He came up and I told him what happened. I rushed downstairs and called our doctors office. Of course, I forgot I don't get to talk to a nurse right away, but the answering service. I explained what my emergency was and I could tell her voice was nervous...which made me more nervous. She said if I hadn't heard from a nurse in 30 minutes to call back. 30 MINUTES...WHAT? Daddy Brown came downstairs and got on the Internet. He found the number for poison control. I dialed quickly as I'm trying to keep it together and not panic. As the lady came on the line, she said, "Thank you for calling Poison Control, please hold." OH MY GOODNESS...my child could be dying from an overdose of medication and I'm on hold.

I couldn't hold it in, when she came back on the phone, I began to cry as I explained to her what happened. She asked me questions like, "what size bottle, how much does he weigh, how old is he and approximately how much do I think he ingested?" I said, "1 oz bottle, about 30-35 pounds, 34 months and 1/4 of the bottle or less". By this time, I'm almost hysterically crying. She told me, "Stay calm...Ibuprofen is one of the safest medications and that he would have had to ingest more than a full bottle for there to be concern. He would likely have an upset belly and to give him a snack or some milk to help settle his stomach." As I was on the phone with her, the nurse called back and Daddy Brown talked to her. Her advise was to call the poison control and that they always defer to them as the experts in situations like this. So thankful we had a favorable outcome. After I got off the phone, I just broke down. I cried and cried and could still cry at this moment. My carelessness could have had a serious affect on my baby. Big Brownie won a golden ticket to sleep with us last night. I have never been more happy to hear him snore. Every time he slept quietly, I woke up and watched him sleep.

I never in a million years would have thought to tell Big Brownie to leave the bottle alone on the dresser. That one statement that was missed, could have kept the whole situation from happening. I forget that he is only 2, almost 3 years old and that he is a growing, inquisitive little munchkin. I forget the pharmaceutical companies flavor medication for a reason, so that kids will enjoy the taste. I forget that I used to sneak out of my bed when I was a little kid and eat baby Bayer aspirin by the handfuls because it tasted so good. In doing so, not realizing that it could have done harm to myself. The reason I share this is...don't let your guard down. Be diligent with your babies and learn from my mistake. Oh yes...it was a night we will not forget!

He has RISEN Indeed!

2010-04-05T18:18:00.009-05:00

What a great Easter holiday weekend we had. It doesn't get much better than coming together to celebrate the Lord resurrection over good food, good weather, good conversation and awesome family and friends. Aunt Fudge and I had decided to make a Hill of Calvary for Easter Sunday. I was not sure mine was going to turn out, but I think it was perfect.

I had great expectation of making a Faith Cake for dessert on Easter Sunday. Once I surveyed my time Saturday night at 8:30p, I decided on a new strategy. I decided to make cake pops. I planned to use a styrofoam wreath covered in fresh flowers. I woke up early on Easter morning and began assembling my cake pops. They are much harder than I anticipated. After about 2 hours, 1 broke styrofoam wreath and a little desperation...I decided my Hill of Calvary would be handy. It served as my back drop for my dessert for Easter at Aunt Fudge's house. As I stepped back and looked at my dessert...I was pleased. I regrouped and repaired my styrofoam wreath, added fresh flowers from my yard, and it too looked great. Although I didn't get a picture before we left as we were rushing out the door. I think my Mom got a couple of great pictures with my Grandmother.

We have talked and talked and talked about Easter and the resurrection of Jesus. Big Brownie called our Hill of Calvary..."Jesus' dirt". It was so cute as we watered it each morning, I would talk to him about Jesus and how he died on the cross for him. As we watered, he would ask, "You mean Jesus...that is up in heaven with Bubba?" I told him about the tomb that Jesus was buried in. He said, "Oh wow Mom, they put Jesus in a big, dark cave? Was it cold? Was he alone?" I told him, "Yes, it was dark, but that he had died and so he could not feel that it was cold. And that most definitely, he was not alone. Just as we are NEVER alone. That we always have Jesus inside of our hearts." He looked up at me and said, "Jesus is in my heart and I love him. Please tell Jesus to come here so I can give him a BIG hug." I told him, "Jesus is always with us in our heart and that if he closed his eyes real tight, he could give Jesus a big hug." It's so precious the associations he makes as he gets older and how he processes our conversations.

We had a wonderful time at Aunt Fudge's house. The food was impeccable. We missed our Gran Gran and Pops as they were visiting with family in from out of town. We continue to pray for our Gran Gran and Pops in this time and for our Uncle as he is likely in his final days. We headed to Mammy and Aunt Basil's house next and the boys were so excited to go to "another party". We visited, ate fabulous food and enjoyed being with each other. It was a blessed day with perfect weather. Yes indeed, he has RISEN!

It was a GREAT Friday...

2010-04-02T21:15:00.008-05:00

Yesterday we had a blast of a day. We woke early in anticipation of another great Easter party. Thanks to our friend for hosting a great day of friends, yummy food and, of course, the egg hunt. The boys and all the other munchkins had a great time. You could see it on their faces as they looked into their basket of treasures. (Notice my two are the ones with the basket on their heads)

After visiting with our friends, we spent a little extra time at Aunt Fudge's house. The Brownies played with Peanut Butter Fudge and his awesome toys. It's always fun to play with new toys at someone else house. They didn't want to leave. We were pushing naptime...BIG TIME and by 3 o'clock, they were feeling it. We left Aunt Fudge's house and were homebound. We came in, had a quick bite to eat and off for naps. Little Brownie didn't nap well. He woke up many times and finally, I just went and got him up. However, Big Brownie had to be woke up at 7p. This was a dangerous scenario. Big Brownie can stay up FOREVER it seems at night. But, like most other days, we just roll with it.

It was my hopes in honor of Good Friday, to go out with the boys and perform several "Acts of Random Kindness". I want to make sure we fit in some activities that aren't specifically related to "The Easter Bunny" and egg hunts. My thought was that we could teach the Brownies about being kind and giving to others as Jesus gave his life for us. No, it doesn't compare to the gift he gave us. Selflessly dying on the cross for our sins and thereby saving us in the process. Don't give me all the credit for thinking up this idea. I found a blog last week whereby the author performed 38 random acts of kindness in celebration of her birthday. I thought that was awesome. And what better way to spread the good news than to help others by giving unexpectantly.

Well, because of our really late naps, my afternoon plans for kindness lost a little bit of its luster. However, we did manage a few before the day concluded. We took cupcakes to our special mentally handicapped neighbors next door. We bought a $10 gift card at Target and found a family with 4 children to give it to as they were checking out. And finally, we fed a family at Burger King dinner as they were passing through town. Not exactly the big afternoon I had originally planned, but still, we were out and about trying to spread the good news of the holiday season. Hopefully sharing with others and giving to others will make a mark on our Brownies. I hope to make this a tradition every year on Good Friday. "Random Acts of Kindness" can be done each day, not just on special days. It was not just a GOOD FRIDAY...it was a GREAT FRIDAY!

April didn't "Fool"...

2010-04-01T16:28:00.008-05:00

What a beautiful day to be out enjoying the sunshine with The Brownies and Tutu Nani. Tutu runs in the day care circles with her job, so we were kindly invited to participate in an Easter egg hunt with some of the local in-home family daycare's at the park. There were games, that we missed because we were running late...as usual. But we did make it for the most important part of the day...the hunt.

Tutu Nani came prepared with rations of powdered donuts and Capri-Sun beverages. Little Brownie loved the treats. However, Big Brownie was anxious to get down to business...hunt for eggs and then he wanted to see the Easter Bunny. Daddy Brown and I don't have a particular aversion to the Easter Bunny. We as kids always grew up with coloring eggs, Easter baskets and of course...the Bunny. I believe it's what you teach your children about Easter and it's true meaning. All the fun stuff is just that...fun stuff. Once all the eggs had been hidden and the kids were all lined up, I took Little Brownie with me and Tutu Nani took Big Brownie with her. The little ones had such a great time finding the eggs and placing them in their baskets. I had to explain to Little Brownie that we were only searching for the eggs on the ground, not eggs in other kids baskets.

Once the hunt had concluded, the boys sat at the top of the hill to investigate their treasures. They found chocolate and skittles. "Yummmm"...said Little Brownie. Then, out came the Easter Bunny. Well, most every other year, we have just seen the bunny at the mall. This was the first year the bunny was walking and shaking hands with the other children. Big Brownie was excited until we got within 3 feet of him and then he didn't want to have anything to do with the Bunny. Little Brownie did his own research, he looked, he listened and he also decided this Bunny was NOT COOL! So, this is as close as they would get and they absolutely had to be in somebody's arms of protection before they would get this close.

We had a great time. After the Bunny left, Big Brownie kept asking, "Where did the Bunny go? I want to go see him again." Based on his previous reaction, I'm not too sure he REALLY wanted to see the Bunny again, but nevertheless, I explained that the Bunny had to go eat carrots and take a nap. We played at the park for about another hour and then we had lunch and now everyone is napping well. It has been a beautiful day for the first of April. One that is usually held for pranks, but April didn't "Fool" anybody today!

Say What Wednesday...

2010-03-31T13:53:00.006-05:00

And yet, another Wednesday rolls around and I am having a hard time of picking just a few of the "Say What?" moments from the previous week.

As you may remember from a few posts ago, Little Brownie has been getting "heart treats" on occasion. This after observing Big Brownie using the potty successfully and then receiving this reward. As Valentine's Day came and went, so did the actual conversation hearts. I found a deal at Food Lion right after the holiday as they were clearing out their inventory. I bought several bags at $.12 a bag. The luster of the actual conversation heart treat has waned a bit as time has passed. To continue the reward system, we have moved to jelly bean treats for #2 potty. Little Brownie has been very curious about the potty. He has began sitting on the potty, waiting for a minute and then running to me saying, "Pee-Pee Potty" and then immediately yelling "HEART TREAT". It is so funny to me in fact that it has worked a couple of times and he has received a treat. Last week, he came to me and said, "Mama...PEE-PEE!" I asked him, "Do you want to pee-pee in the potty?" He says, "Uh-huh". I took his diaper off and started to pick him up to take him to the potty. In that split second it took for me to stand up, something happened. He stood in front of me in the living room floor and I bet you can't guess what? Well, out came a "baby ruth" or #2 onto the floor behind him. You ever have a moment when intellectually you know something just happened, but you are so confused by the action, you are kinda paralyzed...that was me. I just looked at him and finally said, "Daddy, I got poo-poo on the floor!" And just at that moment, Little Brown sat down on my foot and with cheeks spread, I started yelling for Daddy Brown even louder. Daddy Brown to the rescue. In he swooped Little Brownie up and to the bathroom along with a wipee for the floor and, of course, for my foot. After everyone was clean, diapered and after Daddy Brown and I were finally calm from laughing so hard, Little Brownie came in and asked, "Bean"? You know, a jelly bean for #2 poo!

So, you may or may not know that I am no longer coloring my hair. This past September when I turned 33 years old, I decided that I didn't want to be one of those women. You know, the one that either colors their hair every 2-3 weeks FOREVER because they have so much grey hair or the one that decides at 60 years old or older that they don't want to color their hair any longer and they let it grow...and when it does, you see a distinct line of hair color to grey hair. Well, I've got a lot of grey hair, much more than I remember since I started coloring my hair in my mid-twenties. Big Brownie and I were outside this week and I was sitting on the steps. The sun was out and beaming down on us. He came down the steps behind me and said, "Wow, Mom...you have sparkles in your hair!" I said, "What?" He said, "See Mama, your hair is all sparkly in the sun." Hummmm, I may be re-thinking my grey sparkley hair...nahhhh!

I tell you, Big Brownie would prefer to be naked on any given day of the week and all day on Saturday. That boy looks for any reason to take his clothes off. My favorites are...
"I need to take my clothes off to pee-pee (or poo-poo)".
"Mama, I'm still dirty"
"I spilled something on them"
"The bubbles made me sticky"
And my all time favorite..."I sneezed on my sleeve and I pooted in my pants"

Daddy Brown pruned our Bradford Pear tree this year. He was loading up the branches to take out to Pops and Gran Gran house. He decided he would take Big Brownie with him for the ride. Big Brownie was so excited. As they left, Daddy Brown explained to Big Brownie that Gran Gran and Pops may not be home. Big Brownie thought for a moment and said, "But why Dad?" Daddy Brown explained that they may be out running errands or working. Big Brownie thought for another minute and said, "Oh, Okay Dad...I might need to get a new Gran Gran and Pops!"

Ok...one more. If you watch Nick Jr., previously Noggin, you know that in between the 22-26 minutes shows, like Olivia, they run little 3-4 minute mini-episodes. One of the Brownie's favorite mini-episode is Peppa Pig. If they hear the theme song play, they stop, drop and run to the television. Last week after watching an episode, Big Brownie comes to me and says, "Mama, Peppa Pig has a Mommy Pig and a Daddy Pig and a Brother Pig". I said, "Yes baby, I saw Peppa Pigs family too." He said, "And Olivia has a Mama Pig too." I said, "Yes, I saw the Mama Pig on Olivia too". He laughed and said, "Oh Mama, You are just like Mama Pig and I love you my Mama Pig!" It was endearing. I just hope he assimilates me to being a Mama, not a pig.

Rookie Mistake...

2010-03-26T19:21:00.005-05:00

So, I've been a parent now for almost 3 years. In a normal job, by the 3rd year, you pretty much have your duties down to a science. Well, some days, I feel like I have this parenting thing down pat. However, some days, I am busy trying to multi-task, and I don't exactly think things through completely. This was the case today.

I have been helping Tutu-Nani today with a state conference she is hosting this weekend. I had to run several errands, meet a friend for lunch, get gas for the car and several other tasks. This past Wednesday, we went to visit Mammy and Aunt Basil, true to form, Aunt Basil always has a treat for the boys ready before we leave. Her gift this visit, a chocolate bunny. The Brownies have been holding and looking and petting their chocolate bunny for 2 days. Big Brownie would ask, "Mom, when can I eat my chocolate bunny?" My response has been, "Well, we will see when we get home." Then, by the time we get home, they have forgotten about the bunny and so have I.

Until today. We were going to be in the car a little more than usual. So, in an absent minded moment, Big Brownie asked me if they could have their bunny. I had to run into Tutu-Nani's house and the fleeting thought of me running in without unloading everyone sounded real appealing. I agreed to allow them to have their bunny, while I ran inside for just a minute. They were so excited. I opened the package, handed out the goods and explained that I would be right back. I was literally gone for 2 minutes and this is what I came back to...

The time saved by leaving everyone in the car while I ran in was busted by the next 10 minutes it took me to clean everyone up. 20 wipes later, we were clean and back on the road. I think I will need a few more years...say 16 or so, to get this job down without making such a rookie mistake.

The Mommy Salsa...

2010-03-25T12:00:00.006-05:00

As we listen to the rain and thunder outside this morning, I am holding Little Brownie in my lap. He loves for me to sway. He will rub his head back and forth on my chest and look at me from the right side and then the left side. I'll kiss his cheeks and he smiles. It's so precious. He loves for me to hold him on my side as we walk around, and I sway. He lays his head on my shoulder with his arms around my neck...and we sway, the "Mommy Salsa".

It made me remember when both Big and Little Brownie were just little babies and only months old. Big Brownie was especially high maintenance as a baby. In order to keep him calm, I remember I would hold him with his back against me and with one hand under bum and one hand across his belly, we would sway. We would bounce and we would walk. We called it the "Mommy Salsa". Every evening before bedtime, Daddy Brown would sit on the couch and talk to me as I "salsa'd" him around the living room. He would relax to the point of peaceful rest. Anytime he would get upset, the "Mommy Salsa" would always calm him and make him feel comforted.

Now as they are getting bigger, the Mommy Salsa is much harder to do in its original steps. Some days, like today, the Brownies just want me to do nothing more than hold them and sway. They are getting so big, so quick. I can't believe how fast they move and talk and process life. They are so brilliant. They are so caring at times to each other and their toys. When I see them playing with their stuffed animals and they are healing a boo-boo, they scoop them up, wrap their arms around the toy and sway.

The "Mommy Salsa" will be the "Daddy Salsa" in about 20+ years for them. They will hopefully be loving and comforting to their babies as they are so loving to their animals. It makes me tear up to know I only have a short window for this season of life for them. In a couple of years, they will be too big for me to scoop up and do the "Mommy Salsa". For now, I close my eyes and try my best to imprint the moment in my memory forever. If time could just slow down. If only I could hold them and sway every minute of every day. What a blessing they are to us.

Say What Wednesday...

2010-03-24T23:03:00.007-05:00

Just barely getting this in on Wednesday. We have had a busy week and we have absolutely had some great zingers.

While shopping this week, Big Brownie has noticed other patrons entering and exiting the store at the same time as us. Yesterday, we went to Publix. We passed a lady as we were power walking into the store. Big Brownie noticed her right away and his eyes kept darting over to her. As we went down the deli aisle, so did she. We went through the produce section, so did she. Big Brownie was completely aware of his surroundings. He finally grabbed my arm as we went down the dairy aisle. He pulled me close to him as if he were going to tell me a secret. He yells in my ear, "Mama, that woman is following us, please tell her to go away!" Of course, I had noticed the woman, but definitely knew her actions were not of a stalking nature. I told Big Brownie not to worry, she was shopping too, and that he was doing a great job observing others. From that point on, every time we enter or exit a store, he yells, "Mama, is the man (or woman) following us?" I get a lot of snickers when he says it!

Speaking of Publix, while we were there, Big Brownie needed to go to the bathroom. He informed, "I need to pee-pee and I'll be going by myself." I turned to him and said, "Excuse me, since when do you get to go to the bathroom by yourself?" He said, "Oh don't worry Mama, I know exactly where it is and I will definitely wash my hands when I'm done!" Seriously, myself and 3 other lady's that heard our conversation couldn't stop laughing. And as if you didn't already know, he DID NOT go to the bathroom by himself.

This week, Little Brownie upgraded from his high chair to an official place at the table with a booster chair. He thinks he is such a big boy. He comes down in the morning, yells at me, "CHEERIOS" and then runs to his chair at the table. I, of course, can't get the cereal and to him fast enough so he continues to yell, "CHEERIOS, CHEERIOS...HUNGRY MAMA, HUNGRY!"

We went to my Grandmother's "Mammy" house to visit today. My Dad's sister, Aunt Basil, lives with her. As soon as we hit the door, Big Brownie ran inside and started jumping around yelling, "POPSICLE, POPSICLE!" Little Brownie imitated every action and word that Big Brownie spoke. As Aunt Basil went to the get them a Popsicle, Big Brownie turned to Mammy and said, "Mammy, did you know I was coming today?" She said, "Yes, we did know you were coming." He asked, "Did you go to the store today?" She said, "Well, no, we went to the store last week." He looked at her for a second and said, "Oh, did you know I LOVE to eat Popscicles and Animal Crackers and Chips and Cheese and Coke?" She said, "Yes, I do know that you like all of those things and we have all those things in the kitchen." Both of the Brownies eyes got really big and in the background Little Brownie is nodding his head and intently listening to this conversation. As Big Brownie says, "Yum, can I have some please?", Little Brownie yells, "Yes, PWEASE!!!!" It was so cute.

Daddy Brown was in the backyard with the Brownies this past weekend. We have a sweet couple that leaves next door. They are a semi-retired couple and they like to come over and chit-chat at the fence when we are outside. Big Brownie is just like his dad, he can talk to most anybody and for a really long time. Little Brownie said "Hi", but was more interested in digging in the garden and running around. I was inside making supper but was looking out the kitchen window as they we visiting with the neighbors. As they were coming back to the house to come inside to eat, this was the conversation between Big Brownie and Daddy Brown...

He said, "Daddy, thank you for helping me see my Grandpoppy today." Daddy Brown said, "No that wasn't your Grandpoppy, that was our neighbor, Mr. XXX." Big Brownie looked puzzled for a minute and then said, "Oh right, what was the Grandmommy's name?" Daddy Brown almost busted out into giggles as they came on inside and he answered that question for Big Brownie too.

Oh wow...you know I have an opinion...

2010-03-22T16:30:00.001-05:00

So, if you read regularly, you know I have an opinion on just about everything and you know that I'm an open book, so most everything is up for discussion and debate. I love a good debate. I can't help myself when I read some Facebook posts about the new healthcare bill that was passed Sunday night. Lord help if you are a conservative and post something about the bill. You get jumped on pretty quickly for "not drinking the kool-aid" so to speak. I can't help myself when people write things like, "you should look up the word socialism in the dictionary" and basically tell you why it's so great and grand. They say things like, " so i guess the next time you decide to go to the store you wouldn't dare use our socialized roads. and i am sure your kids are not going to socialized schools. and you wouldn't think of calling our socialized police dept. or fire dept. but most of all you wouldn't dare have our troops using socialized health care so you would i am sure support the ending of the v.a. and of course you would not have the elderly involved with socialism so lets take there medicare and ssi away."

Ugh, seriously. When I look at the government Medicare system, is that what kind of system I want for me and my family? No and I want to have the choice to chose otherwise. I don't want someone telling me that if I don't carrying private health insurance, that I will be taxed at a higher rate. I will not argue with the fact that there is a need for Health care REFORM. So many people get wrapped up in the terminology. Health care REFORM and Health Insurance are two totally different things. Our government could do us all a favor and work on the health care system. You know I'm an open book so I'll share our personal story.

Daddy Brown and I have always been covered under my health insurance policy when I worked outside the home. As a small business owner, and the fact that Daddy Brown and Pops are the only two that work in their business, it was never feasible for them to carry a group policy. When I worked full-time, we had access to a robust PPO plan that paid for just about everything at a low cost to me. Not a low cost to my employer, but a low cost to me. We never gave a second thought to what tests or procedures were offered to us. It was health care and we had health insurance to cover it. Once I decided to go part-time, we put Daddy Brown and Big Brownie on their own individual policy as the company still covered me at 100% as a part-time employee and I was pregnant with Little Brownie. We paid a little more than $400 to cover them under this individual PPO plan.

Now, Daddy Brown hasn't had any asthma issues in MANY years and takes an OTC allergy medicine to control the symptoms of allergies. The insurance company put an exclusion rider on him for his entire life. So when he had an upper respiratory infection that the doctor also diagnosed as a sinus infection, the claim was not paid and the prescription medications were not covered. Big Brownie had 2 ear infections in his 1st year of life and they excluded him from ANY ear related expenses for his entire life. That meant when he had his hearing test at the age of 2, they would not cover it because of the exclusion rider.

These were things we were willing to live with because we don't really go to the doctor that much. We are a very healthy and young family. When I decided to quit work after having Little Brownie, I was on COBRA while we processed my application for me and Little Brownie to be added to Daddy Brown's policy. Thanks to Obama's ARRA policy, I paid about $100 a month for my continuing coverage. This meant we were spending more than $500 a month in health insurance for a family of 4. When I sent in my application to be added to Daddy Brown's policy within days of having Little Brownie, I was denied for being overweight. I still have the letter stating that I was too overweight to be covered. I had just given birth less than 2 weeks prior to my denial, however, because I had applied while I still had my "baby weight", I was denied. I will add, I have NO medical problems. I take NO medications, and yet, I was denied because I was a risky individual. I remained on my COBRA coverage for several months while taking off my baby weight.

For those who have known me for a while, I'm a bigger girl. I'm not morbidly obese, but I'm going to be a bigger framed female. I will never fit in the standard my BMI suggests. It just isn't going to happen. I reapplied last November to Daddy Brown's policy. This time, I was accepted as a participant, but because I wasn't at their ideal weight for my height, our monthly premium would go from $400 to $800 a month. Again, I have no pre-existing conditions, I'm simply overweight.

The reason I go into such detail is this...we obviously couldn't afford to pay $800+ a month in health insurance when we are all healthy. We don't have any medical problems and we rarely got to the doctor. We couldn't justify paying $800 a month for insurance we don't really use. Having 2 little ones, it was a scary thought of not having insurance at all. We made a choice, because we have a choice. We chose to seek out other options. We found a high deductible plan with a low month premium that will cover us at 100% after we reach our annual deductible. It has a small preventive care benefit to cover my annual OB appointment and the kids wellness check-ups. If something catastrophic happens, we will pay the first $10,000 of the medical bills and then the rest will be covered by our plan up to $25 million dollars. We now pay a little more than $200 a month for this coverage and the money we were spending in additional premiums, are put into a Health savings account. This will allow us to use tax deductible dollars from our HSA to pay for any medical expenses from doctors visits to Tylenol. Some would see this as not a great option, but it certainly is a viable option for us.

Each American should question this new health care bill. What does it mean to me? Rather than just fixing the health care system, they are trying to fix all Americans and Small Business Owners. I agree with some of the things in the bill. For instance, the pre-existing conditions. Certainly I agree with the fact that we should not have had riders put on Daddy Brown and Big Brownie when those were not even ongoing pre-existing conditions. I agree that a health insurance company should NOT be able to drop your coverage if you do get sick. Um, what's the purpose of paying monthly premiums if in the end, they cancel your policy if you get really sick and need coverage. Those are the types of issues that I consider Health care REFORM to the health care system.

In our personal story, we could have chosen not to have coverage at all. That was an option available to us. We didn't have the government saying...your choice is...carry private insurance through one of our government organized plans, or we will be happy to assess you with a higher tax rate come April 15th. Seriously, is that how you plan on covering the American people? Does that seem constitutional? It seems like the government is taking my right to choose. Who are the first people to holler if a woman doesn't have the choice to have an abortion? Don't misread my question, because I am pro-life. But these same people who are pro-choice and will sue anyone who would even think about taking a woman right away are so willing to give over your right to what is best for you and your health care.

Ugh, I really could go on and I'd be shocked to know that anyone has continued to read this post to the end. But if you did get to this point, no matter what side of the aisle you stand on, make sure that side is representing you. Make sure that when you vote for your leaders, that you research what they are really about. Be vocal with your leaders, not just on something big like health care reform, but about all the little things that get passed and agreed upon behind closed doors to make all these big bills happen. Well, I'm officially coming down off my soapbox now. The best part about being an American, is being FREE and being able to chose what is best for you and your family. That's what this country was founded on and I pray everyday, that is what this country will continue to be about!

Here and there...

2010-03-22T09:59:00.009-05:00

Daddy Brown and our little leprechauns found a four leaf clover on St. Patrick's Day this year. I'll confess that we only got out of our pajamas after nap time and I actually forgot it was a holiday until Daddy Brown came home. In my head, I had a whole day planned with green eggs and green biscuits. But the day came and I was on a different station in my brain. To redeem myself, we had broccoli and cheese quiche, green grapes and green beans for supper. I threw together some green cupcakes for dessert. The next day, I did make our green eggs. I used a flat pan to cook them in and made a mound of green eggs pieces with shredded cheese, bacon crumbled and cut up biscuits on top. Big Brownie said we were having a breakfast salad and scarfed it down as quickly as I could make one for Little Brownie. Funny how a little food coloring and creativity can mask a healthy breakfast.

I came downstairs the other day and couldn't find Little Brownie. I called for him over and over. I searched every room and was about to loose my mind. Then, I heard a giggle. I called his name again and I heard another giggle. It felt like I was playing a game of "Marco...Polo" in the pool like when I was a kid. I got my camera ready as I finally zeroed in on his location. As I came around, Little Brownie jumped out and said, "TA DA!" I know my reaction should have been different. I certainly don't want him hiding from me outside of our home and I have a panic attack because I can't find him. But, he is only 18 months old and we will learn that lesson in time I'm sure.

We are LOVING having little Andy. I think even our old girl Sissy has taken a liking to him. He sleeps with her at night and tries to play with her during the day. Andy stuck his head in Sissy's food bowl this morning while she was eating and she didn't bite him, so that's a good sign. Like any puppy, he LOVES to get The Brownies toys and run around. He seems to have taken a liking to..."BINKIE". If one hits the floor, he is on it in record time. If you look real close, you can see that he has one in his mouth in this picture.

We get a lot of aerial activity around here. Most of the time they are military helicopters or life flight. One day there were no fewer than 10 helicopters and it shook the house and was so loud that I actually stepped outside to see what all the commotion was. The Brownies love to wave at them, so last week when we heard the familiar sound, we all looked up and waved. Little Brownie kept yelling..."Earpane, Earpane". And Big Brownie told them to have a good day. It was so sweet. Loving the warmer weather. Just can't wait for it to show up and stay for a while. I'm sure we will be complaining about it being to hot before too long, but the boys are clamoring everyday that it is too cold to go outside. Yesterday in between rain showers, we put on our coats and shoes and ran around for a little bit to burn off some excess energy. Then, it rained again and the Brownies ran back inside. Spring could not get here soon enough!

Leading by example...

2010-03-21T15:47:00.003-05:00

I'm sure you have heard the expression, "He's a leader, not a follower" or vice versa. Is it possible to be both? Is it possible to lead others by example, all the while following God's lead and example to us...all at the same time? Being a witness to others and helping them to find faith and be saved in Jesus, is my calling. Walking a path that Jesus laid out for me in complete trust and faith, is my calling. He places the desire to know him in each and everyone of us. It is then up to us, to seek, trust and find him.

This post is somewhat conflicting for me. I'm heartbroken for my sister Aunt Berry. Uncle and Aunt Berry have been through a trying past week. If you read my post back in December, they were on the path to foster and adopt a 17 year old girl. They felt like they were following God's lead and calling to accept this beautiful young lady into their home. They sought her out, broke through the red tape and brought her into our family. We all accepted her into hearts as one of our own with open arms.

Through the last couple of months, things became extremely tense in the household. Everyone in the family began maneuvering to find their place. Sadly, some words were spoken, probably in a fit of anger, from this young girl that made it impossible for her to remain in their home and care. The wheels began to move to have her placed in a new home as soon as possible. She has been moved to hopefully a situation with someone kind and loving to help continue to guide her in a crucial time in her life. Heartbroken doesn't even describe the range of emotion that we as a family are feeling. We all would have loved to continue on this path to enrich and lead this young life in a walk towards Christ.

I continue to pray for her. I continue to care and wonder about her. Sadly though, my sister has become a target of ridicule. People that she doesn't even know have come forth to place judgment upon them for sending her to another home. The fact is, my sister had to protect the 4 children that the Lord blessed them with first and foremost. My sister had to move in a swift manner to make a safe environment for her family, when she felt it had been compromised. These same people that ridicule their decision also call into question their faith and Christianity. Is that fair? Does anyone know what your relationship is with God more so than The Good Lord himself? Does anyone have the right to bring you before judgment and crucify you to others?

The answer is unequivocally...NO! No matter if you feel their decision was right or wrong, my sister and brother-in-law had to make sure their family was safe. They do, to this very minute, still love and care for this young girl. I know for a fact, they wish there had been a different outcome. The old saying of "those who live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones" rings a bell. It reminds me to not pass judgment so quickly. It is not ours to judge. And I am certain he does not condone the condemnation of others. Leading by example and following in his path is an extremely difficult thing to do on a daily basis. The road most taken is usually the easier path, but it is not always to right decision. It is easy to place judgment on others and it is easy to say that you would have done things differently. I continue to pray for my sister and brother-in-law through this extremely tough time. I hope they will continue to find comfort in him. I hope and pray they can find closure through this chapter in their life. And, I hope their children will see them leading by example everyday in their decisions and life choices.

Fun in the sun...

2010-03-18T16:42:00.001-05:00

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Big Brownie noticed right away that the sun was out and he exclaimed that..."SPRING IS HERE!" We all initially had shoes on, but as time passed, it was just more fun to run in the grass with our bare feet. I couldn't resist a bare feet picture of The Brownies..I'm sure my mom will be proud! The added excitement of having a new puppy to run with, seemed to melt the hours away. What a great day to enjoy each other. To find new buds, blooms and green grass. It has been a blessing to have sunshine today and when the Brownies wake from their naps, we will continue our fun in the sun!

Lots of laughs and giggles...

Lots of gifts of love...

Lots of "I love you Mommy's"!

Say What Wednesday...

2010-03-17T04:35:00.000-05:00

Yes, a lot of our smiles and giggles surround potty training and yes, we have a new one for you this week...

Big Brownie has broken through his anxiety about using the outdoors as his latrine. Last week, I had a little bit of work to complete. It was one of those days that it wasn't too cold or too wet to go outside to play. I opened the back door and let Big Brownie run and explore, while I watched from the kitchen table. He finally realized that he could pee-pee on the grass...and that it was fun. He managed to successfully do his business a few times. Daddy Brown and I were standing at the backdoor talking and we noticed Big Brownie was kinda in a funny position, pants down around his knees, kinda squaty but kinda not. All of a sudden, Big Brownie pulls his pants up and runs to the step all the while screaming, "I poo-poo'd in the grass, I poo-poo'd in the grass!" Sure enough after further inspection, there indeed was #2 in the grass. You can imagine the conversations we have had over the next couple of days.

I frequently feel like I have a "peanut gallery" of sorts. I'll make something to eat for meal time and I get the usual, "I'm not hungry" or the "I'm not going to eat this", from Big Brownie. A couple of days ago, Daddy Brown came downstairs to an average breakfast of eggs and jelly toast. Little Brownie usually doesn't have a problem with pounding his food. Big Brownie looked up at Daddy Brown and said, "This is the best breakfast EVER!"

Sometimes I will indulge in the guilty pleasure of eating a candy bar while no one is around. Otherwise, I really don't get to eat it. I referee the dispensing of equal parts to Big Brownie and Little Brownie while barely getting a bite. I had tucked away a Snickers candy bar in the cupboard from prying little eyes and a few days ago, I had a chocolate craving. I remembered my little Snickers bar. During nap time, I enjoyed the whole bar to myself. My mistake was leaving the wrapper in the center of the table as opposed to discarding it. Big Brownie woke up from his nap and scanned the table. Once he saw the wrapper, he grabbed it and realized it was empty. He held it in the air with a serious look on his face and turned to me and said, "No Mom, you share the chocolate, don't eat the chocolate!"

The Brownies have recently discovered popcorn. It is a treat we don't get everyday, but most of the time, at least once a week. If it were up to the Brownies, it could be added to the food pyramid as its own food group. Last week, we had popcorn and juice as our afternoon snack. The boys were sitting on the back porch on their over-sized pillow with popcorn and juice. The bubble machine was spitting out thousands of bubbles per minute and they were watching the birds and the clouds pass by. Daddy Brown came in from work and asked the boys about their snack. He said, "Wow, are ya'll eating popcorn?" Little Brownie yells, "POTcorn!" and Big Brownie says, "Yeah Dad, we are eating our popcorn and juice...and my mom is the best!"

One of The Brownies favorite places in the world to visit, is the pet store. Having a new puppy, over the last couple of days, we have made a couple of trips to our local Petsmart. We usually visit the fish first, then kittens, birds, mice, hamsters, snakes, etc. Little Brownie has to ride in the buggy because I don't trust that he will keep his hands out of the fish tank and I don't think he could resist the urge to touch and throw every dog toy he could get his hands around. As we go through the store, he yells..."FISH!" and"Bird!"and "CAT!" As we walked over to the cats, Big Brownie was so excited to see they had so many. He looked at me and said, "Mama, I want to sing them a song". I said, "Ok baby, go ahead. What song are you going to sing?" He crossed his arms around his own chest and said, "Hawaiian like me". I agreed that would be a nice song to sing to the cats. As we stood in front of the cat counter, he swayed back and forth, with his little arms crossed and sang the entire song to the cats. He didn't care that people were around and that they stopped to listen. He wanted the cats to find comfort and to him, Hawaiian like me is one song that comforts him. After he was done, an older lady came up to him and said, "That was a beautiful song and you sang it so well." As he backed into my legs and looked at her with a shy and sweet face, he said, "Do you want to hear me sing, Jesus loves me?" It was so precious.

Is there anything better?

2010-03-16T13:27:00.008-05:00

I love my job. It is the absolute hardest job I've ever had. About 2 weeks ago, we had to be somewhere at 9a on a weekday morning. For one day, I had to actually wake everyone up, as opposed to allowing everyone to wake on their own. I woke up while the house was still quiet, to make sure I showered, dressed appropriately in "non-mommy" wear, actually blow-dried and styled my hair and wore make-up. You know, how I looked most every day prior to having The Brownies. I then woke Daddy Brown and Big Brownie woke up in the process. I roused Little Brownie and got them dressed, barely fed and out the door we flew, so we wouldn't be late.

It was a wake-up call for me. What if I had to work outside the home? This would be our song and dance everyday. A dance that many Mom's out there are faced with everyday. We have certainly sacrificed a lot in worldly possessions and luxuries to be able to afford the ability for me to stay home. Some months are tighter than others and makes things a little more stressful. However, both Daddy Brown and I are so committed to our jobs as parents first and foremost that for as long as we can, I can stay at home and raise our babies during the day and Daddy Brown can come home to healthy, happy Brownies...most days. I know there are some Mothers that prefer to work outside the home...I always thought I would be one of them. Would I be able to fully commit to the job of being a Mom full-time? Could I let go of the professional person I had worked so hard to become?

It was definitely a struggle in the beginning. When I just had Big Brownie, I still worked full-time hours on part-time days. When I became pregnant with Little Brownie and after delivering him, I went to part-time. When I realized that I wasn't doing either job to the best of my ability, I felt like a failure. I didn't want to let anyone down. Daddy Brown helped me realize that the only people I shouldn't let down, was my family. All the rest of it, we would work out...and we did. It was the best decision we have ever made. I love the opportunity to see all the "firsts" of our Brownies. Some Mom's want to stay home, but can't for one reason or another. I have so much respect for those Mom's who get up everyday, get their families ready and out the door to school or daycare, puts in a full day of work, come home to make supper, work on homework, baths, bedtime and on top of that, keep the house clean and the laundry caught up. Wow, it still amazes me these "Super Mom's" exist.

For me, I'm happy to be a stay-at-home Mama. I'm glad to know that I have each day to teach them shapes, colors, numbers, ABC's, etc. I'm so proud to know that Daddy Brown and I can actually potty train a child. I'm happy everyday to have the ability to look at these faces everyday. Most days I think I'm not that much to look at for them, but they are the most beautiful creatures we have every created. No spreadsheet, proposal or presentation has ever measured up to the success I feel in our Brownies. I mean seriously, is there anything better than this?

Or this...

I don't think so!

Praise...

2010-03-15T13:25:00.006-05:00

Today is all about praise! The Good Lord answers prayers, not in our time, but in his. Daddy Brown has been suffering for 8 days the effects of kidney stones. He FINALLY passed a 5mm kidney stone this morning. Although very sore, he at least is not in the tremendous pain he has had off and on since last Monday. Many prayers have been said over him throughout the last week, and finally, awww...what a relief! Praise God!

I'll admit, I've falling off the workout bandwagon for the last 2 weeks. However, today during nap-time, I made myself stay off the couch. I am so glad that I did and now, I'm back on my game. No one is keeping score except myself. Daddy Brown is ever supportive of me, no matter if I lose 1 pound or all 50 pounds in my challenge. I am thankful for the desire to get up and move today. With that, I continue to pray for the desire to get up and do something, to eat better and make better choices.

Giving a shout out to Aunt Fudge's daughter, Chocolate Fudge. She has started a blog and she is an amazing young lady. So proud of her and her relationship with not only her family, but also in her faith. She is a great witness to her friends. I also want to say a special praise to Aunt Fudge's youngest son, Peanut Butter Fudge, who is 4 years old. Yesterday, he called Daddy Brown's cell phone and left a message saying..."I'm gonna get baptized and ya'll are welcome to come". After talking to Aunt Fudge, he decided after seeing someone get dunked in the tank, he wants to be baptized too. Aunt Fudge told him that when he was old enough, at least 6 years old, he could get baptized. So, in 2 years with a personal invitation to attend, Daddy Brown, myself and the Brownies will be in the front row when Peanut Butter Fudge makes the decision to follow Jesus. So awesome that he has an awareness and a desire at such a young age.

The "Photo Gods" cursed me last week. Back several months ago, I accidentally spilled breastmilk on my small digital camera and sadly, it never recovered. I have been using my really nice Canon Rebel xti and last week, it stopped working for an unknown reason. Of course, when there is no camera around, amazing pictures are lost. Like our very first kite flying experience last week in the back yard. Or the afternoon snack time on the back porch whilst the bubble machine is running in the background. So, Tutu Nani and Aunt Berry came to my rescue. I now have a small digital camera that I can carry in my backpack from Tutu Nani and a Canon Rebel that had been retired when Aunt Berry upgraded to a Canon D40. It's nice to have family members that can "hook you up" when the "Photo Gods" decide to rain on your parade! Praise Be!

Lifting up Uncle and Aunt Berry today for an unspoken prayer. He knows what their hearts desire and will answer those needs. Please say a prayer if you will to help them and all people involved to come to a quick resolution and solace in their decisions.

Meet Andy...

2010-03-14T15:45:00.008-05:00

Well...meet our new family member Andy. Andy is short for Andolini. Yes, it is from the book and movie, "The Godfather", which is one of my favorite saga's. (For those who are not familiar, Andolini was The Godfather...Don Vito Corelone's original last name before he was a stowaway to the US). Anywho...Sissy has done so well with little Andy. We brought him home, introduced them in the backyard and not exactly two peas in a pod, but pretty close. Andy rests in Sissy's "crook". I think it is very comforting for him to have an older "mama" style dog to follow and love on.

She has definitely put him in his place a couple of time. We frequently have Cheerios on the floor after snack or breakfast. Sissy decided some weeks ago that she would pass on eating the cheerios in hopes of scoring something much more awesome to eat. Yesterday, Little Brownie gave Andy his graham cracker and Sissy politely came over and took it from Andy. She was not bothered one bit by his jumping around and barking. So, he went back to eating the Cheerios on the floor, which to him, was a big treat. He also wanted her to get up a play with him in the middle of the night. She nipped at him with a motherly snap, and he laid back down and went back to sleep.

The Brownies are having so much fun as well. They don't really understand the concept of "Not running" so Andy thinks they are running to play. As all puppies do, he likes to nibble on hands, feet, toes, ears or hair. They have adapted well so far, but we have a ways to go. Keep up in your prayers and we'll keep you up to date with what I'm sure will be our "Brownie Saga" as the days go by.

Say What Wednesday...

2010-03-10T08:02:00.003-06:00

Ok...it's Wednesday and of course, my Brownies do not disappoint in their words to entertain.

This past week Big Brownie has decided not only does he not want to wear underwear, but he also wants to hold his pee in for as long as he can. We played outside and I even tried to entice him with permission to pee-pee outside. I think he thought it sounded more fun then it actually turned out to be. Anticipating that this would be awkward, since Daddy Brown was at work, I tried to describe the action of pee-peeing on one of our trees in the backyard close to the house. We walked over to the tree and I said, "Ok, all you have to do is point and pee-pee." He said, "Oh, will that make pee-pee come out of my finger?" I was baffled for a minute and finally said, "Oh no, point your pee-pee to the tree and then you can pee-pee on the tree." He said, "Oh, I'm not going to pee-pee on the tree." I said, "Why not? It really is okay to pee-pee on Mommy's tree." He said, "No mama, I'm not going to pee-pee on the tree...it needs water to drink, not pee-pee".

He also had playtime at Aunt Apples this week. He told her when she asked him if he wanted to go pee-pee in the potty..."No thanks, I don't want to be troubled with that right now."

We still fight with what beverage is going to be in the bed with Big Brownie each night. Some nights, he wants juice, some nights he wants water and some nights he wants juice and water. Last night, Daddy Brown had prepared a minimal amount of juice to water ratio. After taking a few sips he said, "Mom, I need sleepy time water, this is daytime water".

Is it just me or is it hard to answer some questions of a toddler? When they watch a movie and a preview comes on and it begins with "Coming Soon". Then I'm asked, "Mom, what does 'coming soon' mean?" It seems to be that my answer is something like..."Well, it means that show is going to come on REAL SOON." I've also found that it helps if you say it slow and drawn out.

Little Brownie this week decided that he has observed Big Brownie getting heart treats for pee-pee in the potty long enough. He ran over to the counter yesterday and scream..."HEART TREAT!" He kept exclaiming this message to me until finally I caved and gave him a heart treat. He was so pleased. He gummed it around in his mouth over and over again. Finally, he looked at me and smiled. He said, "Oh...heart treat...ummmm, good!"

Little Brownie and I found a big bouncy ball this week and have played with it outside. He will bring me the ball, and waits for you to say, "Ready?". He repeats and YELLS, "READY". He will not move until you say, "Go get it!" When he brings it back he is yelling all the way back..."I did it, I did it!" I think that is his favorite phrase, along with "Awesome", and the one we have been hearing a lot lately..."I sorry".

Wow...I really could go on, but I think I will give you one more of the week. Big Brownie seems to be paying more attention and his vocabulary is expanding everyday. I get a question from, "What makes toast?...to "What makes pee-pee?" To get his attention, I will frequently say, "Listen, I have a question for you." Last week he said, "Mom, I have a question for you and I need you to really listen." I said, "Ok, what is your question?" He said, "Mama, don't say, 'what is your question', say, 'what'." I said, "Ok, what?" He said, "No Mom, don't say 'Ok what'...say 'what'?" I said, "What?" He said, "What does what mean?" Ahhhh...really! Keeps us in stitches to say the very least!

Starting at Zero...

2010-03-09T07:53:00.008-06:00

Recently, I had a friend post a very raw and real statement..."Today, I'm starting at zero." Without going into too much specific detail, he basically felt he had lost his way. Failed marriage, every other weekend custody of his 4 children, unemployed, had his identity stolen, gained 40 pounds with no desire to get back on the wagon...so to speak, wanting a drink after being 8 years sober and most importantly, has felt like he has lost his closeness with the one most high. He is struggling to muster the energy to seek his guidance and assurance. I went to high school with this person and he lost his sister, who was my age, to suicide when I was in the 9th grade. A loss I'm not sure he fully recovered. He is on my mind this morning and I'm praying for him. I ask that you do the same.

I'm reminded how fortunate so many of us are, but also, how so many are 1 tragedy away from "Starting at Zero". I know my faith and will are strong. I believe we all should "Start at Zero" every morning when we rise to a new day. And it is a new day. Every day you rise, is a new day to affect change in your life or in the lives of others. I read someone write recently, "when you see what God has been up to during this miserable time, I'm betting you will be surprised such glory can come from such mess". That is true. You can't imagine when you are in the throws of your own sorrow and depression, that anyone can pick you up and pour his love and blessings over you. It really isn't "anyone". We as humans can help to pick people up and love on them. However, there is only one...the Lord Almighty himself, that can help you help yourself. If you are feeling low today, I want to encourage you to open your bible. Continue to seek his guidance and his love.

I read another post yesterday that was encouraging to me..."Perhaps you’re going through some fiery trial right now, and feel that you’re carrying a burden that’s just too heavy to bear. You might even feel like giving up. Perhaps you feel like nobody cares about you enough to take the time to understand what you’re going through. Well, Jesus has something to say to you. Not only does he know who you are, He loves you, and wants to be with you forever. Indeed, the world will promise you many things; and you can even try to prosper in it. Worldly pleasure may make you feel good for a moment; however, it will ultimately leave you feeling empty, because it can’t give you what is needed most, that is, love. Only God can do that, because God is love. Moreover it is quite clear from what’s happening around us that the world is not the solution to our problems; rather, Jesus Christ is".

Yesterday is in the past and you can't change it. However, you can change your outlook and your attitude for today. If you find yourself at rock bottom, be encouraged that life is not hopeless, it is hopeful. Be encouraged that when you are down and out, the Lord can pick you up and wipe your tears. He can move you in ways that no other can. Be encourage and rededicate yourself to him. It's not too late. He'll be with you in the eleventh hour. Will you trust in him today? Will you accept what Jesus wants for you? Will you let Him usher you into a brighter life, and a more encouraging experience with God? Don’t let the devil cause you to feel like you are worthless. You are not worthless in God’s eyes. For you belong to the King of kings and Lord of lords. That’s right, you are a child of the King! Therefore, stand up and praise Him! Be encouraged! God is righteous, and HE will deliver you from all evil in his time.

I'll end with some scripture that spoke to me during my quiet time...

John 14:1-3 says...“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.”

Romans 8:38-39 says...“neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalms 9:9-10 says...“The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.”

Psalms 46:1-3 says...“God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling.”

John 14:18 says...“I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.”

A few adventures...

2010-03-07T09:02:00.005-06:00

We have had a few adventures over the last few days. Friday, the Brownies and I trekked to our new "Discount Tire Store" to buy new shoes for the family truck-ster. Of course, after Daddy Brown had selected the tires online and then after me calling the store to verify they had the tires were in stock, when we got there, my tires were gone. Ummm...it had been 1 hour since I had called the store. I didn't let myself get upset as I would have done in my past. I simply looked very puzzled and explained that I had called before bringing my 2 children under the age of 3 to a tire store. The salesman was very helpful and understanding. He offered a comparable but slightly better tire to me for the same price as the original tire I was looking to purchase. I called Daddy Brown to make sure that was satisfactory and now, we have a new set of Pirelli tires on the car. We have been needing tires for a while, but ugh, it's one of those purchases you hate to buy. It's not fun, they are just tires. While there, I brought the portable DVD for the boys to watch and they LOVED running around the showroom looking at the tires. 30 minutes later, we were on our way. I would highly recommend the "Discount Tire Store". They really took care of us and got us in and out in a flash.

Also, we are in the market for a new Boxer puppy dog. We have struggled since Bubba passed back in January on whether to rescue another Boxer or get a puppy. This past Thursday, I went out to the Middle Tennessee Boxer Rescue in Brentwood. This is where we originally got Bubba and Sissy. I was there to take some snapshots of the current dogs for their website. I had such a great time and loved on those sweet dogs. It truly broke my heart that someone didn't want to come and take these poor babies in. You may ask then, "Why we are looking for a puppy instead of a rescue?" For a couple of reasons...first, we still have Sissy girl with us and she is getting a little more frail every week. She can almost be knocked over if one of the boys run too fast and accidentally bump her. The Boxers at the rescue are full of exuberant life, as adult Boxers tend to be. They could easily knock her over and that is not what we want for our Sissy girl in her final times with us or for the boys as they are still small. Secondly, as Boxer girls are very dominant and territorial, we are only in the market for a male. With the exception of one Boxer at the rescue, most all others were rather large. And thirdly, with the boys being under 3 and not knowing the background of these Boxers, we want to bring up a dog as a puppy so that they can know the layout and their place. Sissy can "mother" the puppy and help keep him inline as well. It is a good idea when getting a new puppy to allow them to be raised with an older dog if possible, so they can learn from them too. We are fortunate to still have Sissy and this would also give her an opportunity to play with another animal as she has always done with Bubba.

That being said, it is difficult to find a good housemate. For instance, we took a 45 minute trip Saturday in hopes of finding our newest member. Daddy Brown went in to see and check out the 1 male boxer that was left in the litter. Upon closer inspection, he noticed that the poor puppy didn't have an under bite. For those who don't understand what that means, he basically had a mouth and teeth setup the same as a lab or golden retriever. The under bite is a basic characteristic of a Boxer. Daddy Brown showed the regular bite to the owners and they were shocked and surprised. Seriously, you have a Boxer litter that you are charging good money for it...and you didn't check the bite, not even when you were playing with the puppies...you didn't notice. So, with that, we have to be careful when we are selecting a pup. Good health, standard characteristics of the breed and the temperament of the parent dogs should all be taken into consideration as well. Boxers are a great family dog. They are great with kids and they are great protectors. They have TONS of energy and once they have expended that energy outside, they are BIG couch potatoes inside. We are not rushing to get a puppy, so we can be a little more cautious and selective. We love the breed and hope to find a great, new member of our family soon.

Say What Wednesday...

2010-03-03T00:02:00.003-06:00

I had a lot of fun with the "Say What?" post from last week. So, I decided to make it a weekly post of the funny lines from the Brownies. Quick update on the potty training...I hate to almost ginx myself, but I think it has been a success. With the exception of nighttime sleeping, we are diaper free, even through nap-time. What a blessing and an added bonus to our monthly finances to have only 1 baby in diapers. Whoo-hoo!

So along the lines of potty training, I have been trying to talk Big Brownie into wearing underwear. We potty trained "Commando-style" so this has been a bit of a challenge. Like any crazy parent would do, I went to Target and bought exciting, fun character undies to try and bribe him into wearing some "cool draws" as we like to call them around here. Yesterday, I laid out 5 different character undies and asked him to pick one to put on. Here was the conversation..."Do you want to choose what underwear you'd like to wear today?" Big Brownie said, "No thanks". I said, "Well, here are your choices...you have Mr. Incredible, Cars, Buzz Lightyear/Woody, Go, Diego, Go and Spongebob". "No thanks Mom", was his reply again. I said, "Why don't you want to wear your underwear?" He looked at the undies and pointed to each one and said, "This one (Mr. Incredible) is too scary, this one (Cars) is too dangerous, this one (Buzz Lightyear/Woody) is too silly, this one (Go Diego Go) is bad and this one (Spongebob) is too funny". So, what did I do with that...Commando we go!

If you have toddlers under a certain age, you might be victim to your words sometimes. For instance, if you say any sentence that has the word "outside" in it, your kids will automatically expect that they are going outside. So, like all other parents in this boat, we have began to spell words that could trigger this kind of response. This past weekend Daddy Brown and I were talking about what we would like to do this spring...plant a garden, etc. I said, "I can't wait until the weather is warm enough to go to the Z-O-O". Big Brownie jumped down off the couch and started clapping and cheering. I said, "What are you so happy about?" He said, "I want to, I want to!" I said, "You want to what?" He said, "I want to see the animals!" I said, "Where are you going to see animals?" He said, "At the ZOO!" So, what the kid can spell too? He NEVER ceases to amaze me.

Big Brownie has belly issues. We make a really unsavory concoction of prune juice and milk, a.k.a. "Milk-Juice" for Big Brownie every morning to help keep things moving in the right direction. Here lately, he has requested this beverage throughout the day. We were at Publix this week and I told Big Brownie to help me remember to get prune juice. Later in the evening, he came to me and said, "Mama, can I have some balloon juice?" I said, "What is balloon juice?" He said, "Not balloon juice, I want BALLOON Juice" It took me a minute and finally Daddy Brown said, "Do you want prune juice?" He said, "Yes Dad, I want balloon juice".

Lastly, I'll write a little bit about Little Brownie. He is getting so much better with his words. Yesterday, Big Brownie climbed into Little Brownies bed to jump and play. I was folding laundry in my room and he came running in and said, "Brother...bed", all the while pointing and fussing his little head off. I asked, "Do you mean brother is in your bed?" He said, "Uh-huh". I asked him, "Do you want me to get brother out of your bed?" He said, "Uh-huh". As I walked down the hall towards Little Brownies room, he was clipping my heals trying to get past me. He grabbed my pant legs and ran past me, as he knew the enforcer, a.k.a. Mama, was behind him. As we entered the room, he looked at me, pointed at Big Brownie and said, "OUT!"

Oh me...what are we going to do these my boys? I'll tell you what we're going to do. We are going to laugh and enjoy every minute of it, for as many days as the Good Lord blesses us to be with them.